Be My Downfall
by Kristen Elizabeth
Summary: Can Relena be Heero's downfall before it's too late for either of them?
1. Lonely people

Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: This is a brand new story, as you already know;) It's a cannon fic that I hope you'll enjoy! Happy reading:)   
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"May I just say, Miss Relena, tonight has been simply wonderful."   
  
"You may." Relena Peacecraft's smile was as fixed as a marble statue and just as fake. The man currently kissing the back of her hand didn't seem to notice, however. The Environmental Minister was in his own little world, completely unaware that he'd just spent three hours talking pretty much to himself. He'd listed his accomplishments, told stories that were only humorous to him, and Relena had put up with all of it. But even her immeasurable patience was reaching its limits. "Goodnight, Marvin."   
  
Even as she started opening the limousine's door, he held on. His chubby face was eager, and might have been almost endearing if not for the receding hairline and crooked teeth. "Might I take you out again sometime soon?"   
  
She literally had to bite her tongue to keep her smile on her face, and to keep from flinging back some extremely sarcastic reply. "I'll have to check my calendar." Relena yanked her hand out of his slightly clammy grip and got out of the car. "Thank you for dinner."   
  
The sleek black car pulled away; Relena turned on her heel and ran up the steps of the mansion she'd called home for the past three years. Once inside the grand foyer, she slammed the front door closed and sank against it, one hand pressed against her forehead. "I can't do this anymore!"   
  
No one was around to hear the Earth Space United Nations President's declaration, not even her old and trusted butler, Paygan, who had likely long since gone to bed. She had come home, once again, to a silent house after yet another horrific first date.   
  
She hated it. So much of her life was spent all alone, even when she was surrounded by people. Maybe that was why she kept accepting these dates. Some little part of her still clung to the hope that one of these young, upwardly professional, aristocratic men might be able to give her what she most wanted. A home instead of a house, children to care for, love to fill the empty places in her heart.   
  
Everything that *he* couldn't. Wouldn't.   
  
Relena started up the staircase, the length of gauzy organdy that had served as her stole trailing after her. At twenty-three, she appeared to have so much. She was just finishing up her first term as President after years of serving as Vice Foreign Minister, then Foreign Minister. And she was heading into elections for her second term. She was, without a doubt, the most respected person in interspatial politics. She lived in a home built for royalty. She was beautiful; she had admirers by the dozens.   
  
And she was miserably unhappy.   
  
Her bedroom was just as empty as the rest of the house. The bed had been turned down for the night and after discarding her jewels, her designer dress and the spiked heels that had been slowly killing her feet, Relena slid under the covers in only her satin underwear. She glanced over at the second fluffy pillow next to her.   
  
"Are you sleeping alone tonight, Heero?" she asked out loud.   
  
Because the thought that he might not be cut her to the core, Relena closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to envelop her. It didn't, and she was left with the disturbing idea of Heero in bed with another woman. It wasn't unlikely that he'd moved on, even if she hadn't. After all, it had been almost four years since she had seen him. The press conference announcing her decision to run for President. He'd still been with the Preventers then. Was he even now? She had no idea. She'd lost contact with them. The Preventers weren't involved in her security anymore; the President was guarded by a much more specialized branch of the military. She still communicated with Lady Une on a fairly regular basis, but as for the rest of them, they all lived separate lives now.   
  
Except for her. She was barely living at all.   
  
****   
  
As Relena was staring at an empty pillow thinking of him, Heero Yuy was staring at a bleach-blonde head resting across from him, planning his escape. He couldn't say what had compelled him to go to bed with the woman; he wasn't even sure he knew her name. She was just there, like a punching bag. Something to use in order to purge unwanted emotions.   
  
He sat up, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and ran both of his hands through his hair. What had brought on the sudden urge that had driven him here? Relena. A speech of hers that he'd caught on the international news network. Seeing her in her prim little business suit with her perfect hair pulled back from the face he'd so often wished he could erase from his memory, but would rather die than actually forget...it brought everything back.   
  
With a low growl, Heero threw off the covers and stood up, naked in the moonlight. As he started for his clothes, the woman in the bed stirred. "Hey. Where are you going?"   
  
He didn't look back. He only pulled on his jeans, zipping up as he replied, "I'm leaving."   
  
"C'mon, stay. I'm always up for more...as long as you are."   
  
Heero tugged on his black sweater. "The night's not over. You'll find another client."   
  
"You fucking bastard."   
  
He finally turned around, as immune now to her voluptuous nude body wrapped in the sheets as he was to her enraged expression. His eyes were cold and his voice, monotone. "Yes," was all he said. He stuck his arms into the leather holster that housed both of his Preventer-issued guns. "Does this mean you don't want my money?"   
  
After a second, the prostitute looked away. Heero reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He flung it onto the bed with casual disregard. Without another word, he strode out of the motel room and back onto the L2 streets.   
  
The colony was dirtier than the L1 of his childhood, and an abomination compared to the rolling hills and blue skies of Relena's world. Heero kicked a trash can as he walked. There she went, popping into his random thoughts again. Apparently, it wasn't as easy as a quick lay to clear his mind. In one way or another, she was always there.   
  
He reached Duo's apartment twenty minutes later, and instantly cursed himself for not taking a hotel room of his own for the length of his stay. Duo Maxwell was a friend and fellow war survivor, but he was the single most annoying person on the planet, at least to Heero. Still, everyone else, with the possible exception of Chang Wufei, seemed to get a kick out of him. And at least one woman liked him enough to marry him and let him get her pregnant.   
  
That same woman was awake despite the late hour when he let himself into the apartment. Hilde Maxwell was laid out on the couch in the living room, flipping through infomercials and old re-runs. One slender arm was draped across her rounded stomach. She looked up as he came in. "Heero…we were getting worried about you."   
  
He couldn't imagine why; he was a trained assassin. How much of a threat could anyone pose to him? "I was out."   
  
She struggled to sit up. "So we gathered. Did you have a good time?"   
  
"I wouldn't go that far." Heero shed his holster. "Where's Maxwell?"   
  
"Asleep. It is after two, Heero." Hilde hid a delicate yawn behind her hand. "The baby is playing soccer with my internal organs."   
  
He'd never been around pregnant women before, but if Hilde was any indication as to what they were like, he'd just as soon never be around another. While it was true that her pregnancy had given her a fair amount of glow, it had also given her some sort of license to say whatever was on her mind.   
  
He knew because for the past two weeks, he'd been subjected to a Relena-discussion every couple of days.   
  
And apparently, that night wasn't going to be any different. "I saw something on the late news a little while ago about Relena," she began.   
  
"Hn," was all the reply he gave her as he moved into the kitchen.   
  
Undaunted, Hilde eased off the couch and waddled his way. "She's going to be traveling here within the next few days. Early campaigning." Hilde watched him as he pulled turkey, ham and cheese out of the fridge. "Maybe I can convince her to have dinner with us one night."   
  
Heero fashioned a sandwich with two slices of bread and took a bite. "She won't have time."   
  
"Duo can be very persuasive."   
  
"Do what you want." He finished his snack in three more bites. "I'm not going to be here."   
  
Hilde blinked. "What? Are you planning to leave?"   
  
"That's the general idea."   
  
After a long second, Duo's wife reached out and punched his arm with more force than her petite frame would have indicated she'd be capable of. He found himself almost wincing. "And that was for what?" he asked between his teeth.   
  
"You are such an idiot! I can't believe you'd rather pick up a hooker…don't think I can't smell that cheap perfume on you…than make any contact with the one woman in the world who's brave enough to offer you her heart!" Hilde's pale blue eyes sparkled with indignation. "Or maybe she's just as idiotic as you."   
  
Heero gave her a cold look. "She's not an idiot."   
  
"Then what is she? Heero? What is she to you?"   
  
He was saved from having to formulate an answer by Duo's sudden entrance. He padded into the kitchen on bare feet, wearing only pajama bottoms. His braid was mussed. "What's goin' on?" he mumbled, sleepily.   
  
"Nothing," Heero answered.   
  
At the same time, Hilde replied, "Heero's leaving before Relena gets here because he can't face her."   
  
"Relena's coming here?"   
  
"You know, my every movement is not dictated by Relena Peacecraft." Heero faced off with the pregnant woman. "It happens that I have other places to be."   
  
Hilde folded her arms. "Like where?"   
  
Duo held up his hand. "Am I invited to the argument?"   
  
"Once this damned forced vacation is over, I have work waiting for me back on Earth."   
  
"Why do you have such an enormous problem admitting that you care about her? It's not like everyone else can't see it written all over your face!"   
  
"Okay, babe." Duo took a gentle hold on his wife's arm. "He's gonna do his own thing, no matter what we say. He'll die alone and miserable, but that's just the way it's gonna be."   
  
Heero's eyes narrowed. "No one asked for your opinion, Maxwell."   
  
"That's usually why I have to give it away freely. So, you don't think the road you're heading down will lead to a lifetime of solitary misery? Wake up, man."   
  
"I knew it was a mistake to come here."   
  
Duo shrugged his bare shoulders. "Like you had anywhere else to go." He tugged on Hilde's arm. "No more waiting up for Heero. You and the baby need sleep."   
  
She continued to glare at Heero even as she was pulled out of the kitchen, towards their bedroom. "You'll regret all of this, you know. Maybe not any time soon…but someday!"   
  
Heero shook his head as he tugged off his shirt, heading for the bathroom for a hot shower. His choices were his to make and they were long since set in stone.   
  
****   
  
The morning it all happened began no differently than any other morning. Relena started her day with tea, croissants and a detailed update on the current state of affairs. She wasn't particularly hungry that day, but it didn't worry her. She sipped her tea, paid attention to the update, and prepared to head to the office to start in on the piles of paperwork she'd been unable to finish the day before.   
  
It was a comfortable, if dull routine. Many people probably thought that being President was like reclaiming her title as Princess and nothing more than an endless existence of lavish balls, expensive gowns and glittering jewels. They never saw the ink stains on her hands after signing thirty or forty documents. The people were never watching when she had to decide between an orphanage and a halfway house when drawing up budget proposals. They never witnessed her fighting tooth and nail to keep the peace the whole world had enjoyed for eight years.   
  
And they were never around when it all became too much and just for a moment, she laid her head down on the polished wood surface of her desk and cried.   
  
She entered the Presidential suite with her entourage and immediately her personal assistant thrust a few letters into her hands. "I'm sorry, Madam President," she apologized. "These seemed personal."   
  
"It's all right." Relena took them with a tired smile. "I'll take care of them."   
  
Once she was inside her office, she let out a little sigh. Technically speaking, she probably should have fired the woman quite awhile ago. She had very little self-confidence in her own abilities, which wasn't exactly misguided considering that she couldn't type all that well and sometimes forgot to give Relena important phone messages. But Relena didn't like to give up on anyone.   
  
Why else would her heart still be holding out for a man who'd given up on her from the moment they met?   
  
Her desk sat in the middle of the huge room; she walked to it and sat down in the comfortable chair she'd insisted on having. If she was going to spend her life behind this desk, she wasn't about to spend it in physical misery. She set the mail down with the other piles of already opened correspondence. They all awaited her approval and signature, but she ignored them.   
  
A headache was already forming and she'd only been there for two minutes. With another sigh, Relena reached for comm system. "Karen," she addressed her absent-minded assistant in the other room. "Will you bring me some tea, please?"   
  
"Yes, ma'am."   
  
While she waited, Relena reached for the letters Karen had handed her. The first two were personal mail, an invitation to an ambassador's daughter's birthday party that would have to politely refused. The other was a letter from Quatre Winner. They wrote to one another on a fairly regular basis, although the blonde CEO of Winner Industrial Corporation was a much better pen pal than she. Smiling, Relena set the letter aside without reading it. Personal time came at the end of the day.   
  
The third and final piece of mail was in a blank envelope with no return address. Relena was puzzled by this, but not particularly worried. All of her incoming mail went through extremely fine metal scanners and bio-hazard prevention measures. She slit it open with her fingernail and pulled out a folded sheet of paper.   
  
The message was short, but clear. Relena put a hand to her mouth; the letter fluttered to the floor.   
  
Her years in the political limelight kept her from panicking. But it was still a shaking hand that reached for the comm button again. "Karen." Relena licked her dry lips. "Instead of the tea, could you please contact Lady Une at the Preventer's office?" She blinked back tears. "And after that...would you try to get a message through to my brother on Mars? I need…I need to talk to him."   
  
****   
  
Heero's return to Preventer Headquarters went over without ceremony. He'd only been gone for two weeks, after all, forced to take all of his stored-up vacation time all at once. The psychiatrist every Preventer was required to see on a semi-annual basis had issued the order; Heero had been less than enthused about the idea.   
  
So he'd roughed up an informant who was less than forthcoming with his information. How could he do his job and do it well if he had to stop and think before acting?   
  
He'd been recruited into the organization for his efforts in the Eve Wars, and had only accepted in order to give his life some purpose. At the time, he had refused to even acknowledge that he already had a purpose, a single woman whose safety he valued above his own. But with her election to the Presidency, her direct safety had been taken out of his hands. It was just as well, he figured. If he were to get too close to a particular subject, it would be far worse than losing control with a deadbeat informant.   
  
By sheer coincidence, he shared a cramped office on the third floor with Chang Wufei. Actually it probably wasn't a coincidence; the higher powers were fully aware of both of their backgrounds and likely thought that another Gundam pilot was the best candidate to keep him in line. Heero didn't care. Wufei rarely talked at work and certainly never questioned his methods of interrogation and investigation, as his own weren't exactly always by-the-book. In four years, they'd established a grudging trust and wary friendship. Certainly, he was the polar opposite of Duo, and after two weeks at the Maxwell house, Heero was looking forward to Wufei's stoicism.   
  
But the office was empty when Heero entered with his coffee. He took note of this, dismissed it, and went to his desk. Everything was exactly as he'd left it two weeks earlier, with the exception of a neat stack of paperwork that waited for him.   
  
He had just sat down and reached to turn on his computer when Wufei appeared in the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked, without greeting. "Didn't you read the memo?"   
  
"I haven't even looked at my messages yet," Heero replied.   
  
"We're meeting with Une in two and a half minutes." Wufei paused. "Code Alpha."   
  
Heero frowned. Alpha was the designation reserved for assignments that were highly classified, and usually dealt with security threats in the highest branches of the government. The Preventers were only called for such cases when the investigation was expected to extend beyond Earth.   
  
There was no point in asking what was going on. Even if Wufei knew, he certainly couldn't talk about it in such an unsecured location. Heero simply downed what he could of his coffee and followed his partner to the elevators that would take them to Une's private office at the top of the building.   
  
****   
  
"How are you feeling, Madam President?"   
  
Relena accepted a glass of water from Lady Une and tried to smile. "I'm fine. Truly."   
  
The woman seemed to doubt this, but didn't press any further. They had an interesting history going all the way back to when the highest political figure who was now sitting at her desk had been a slip of a fifteen year-old girl, and she herself had been, quite literally, a different person under the influence of Treize Kushrenada. Relena seemed willing to forget the past, how Une had been responsible for her adopted father's death and the mobile suit attacks she'd enacted on her; certainly she could forgive the child who'd come after her with a gun, revenge foremost on her mind.   
  
The past was in the past, and it was the future they had to worry about now. Une paced back and forth in front of her desk. "I've assigned the best team possible to head up the investigation."   
  
"I trust the Preventers," Relena said, setting her water aside untouched. "If anyone can…solve this, it's your people, Lady Une."   
  
"What have your own security teams decided to do?"   
  
The younger woman folded her hands in her lap. "They haven't decided anything. They're still debating the best course of action. Truthfully, I can't imagine they've ever even thought about this sort of situation. I know I…" Her steady voice faltered. "I never have."   
  
Lady Une was at a loss. Emotions were not her strong suit even now, but it was obvious the President needed some sort of human contact. She reached out an awkward hand and patted Relena's shoulder. "We'll find who did this. I promise you that."   
  
Tears shimmered in Relena's clear blue eyes. "Thank you."   
  
There was a short, but firm knock on Une's office door. She had little doubt about who it was; only two men had clearance to get through the myriad of bodyguards who'd accompanied the President to this meeting. "Enter," she ordered.   
  
Relena quickly wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to meet the Preventers who'd been assigned to this investigation looking like a weak woman. First impressions were so important, and she did have an image to uphold.   
  
She took a breath, looked up when the door opened and instantly froze.   
  
Heero entered the office with a formal ease; he was in his element. Controlled, confident, ice-cool. She knew that veneer as well as she knew his face.   
  
But it faltered somewhat when his steely gaze landed on her, like he was surprised. She would have smiled had she fully recovered from the impact of seeing him for the first time in four years; it wasn't everyone who could surprise Heero Yuy.   
  
"Have a seat, Commanders." Une gestured to the hard seats in front of her desk. It was only when she addressed them that Relena realized Heero wasn't alone. A man of obvious Asian descent was with Heero; she was fairly certain they'd never met, but it almost seemed like she should have recognized him.   
  
He and Heero did as they were ordered. Relena could feel the strange man's eyes sizing her up, but Heero's gaze remained fixed at some spot just over her shoulder. She swallowed. He wouldn't even look at her.   
  
"Security lockdown on this office," Une instructed the computer system. "Authorization, AlphaUnePi." She glanced at Relena. "We can speak freely now. These are Commanders Yuy and Chang. Commanders, President Relena Peacecraft."   
  
Relena crossed one slim leg over the other. "Commander Yuy and I have met before."   
  
"Of course. I remember now."   
  
"It's good to see you again, though, Heero." When Heero said nothing, Relena forced herself to look at the other man. "Commander Chang, let me thank you in advance for your help."   
  
He nodded curtly. "Madam President."   
  
Heero glanced at his superior officer. "What is our assignment?"   
  
Une went to speak, but Relena cut her off. "Allow me, Lady Une." After taking a breath, Relena reached for her leather briefcase and pulled out a thin file folder. She held it out to the men, but only Wufei reached for it. "This is copy of a letter I received at my office two days ago. There was obviously no return address and my personal assistant could only say that it was on her desk when she arrived that morning. The security cameras noted nothing out of the ordinary the night before."   
  
Wufei skimmed over the short message and looked back up at Relena. "Is what is says true?"   
  
"Yes." She inhaled a shaky breath, trying to keep her hands still in her lap. Fear would consume her, and she needed to stay clear-headed. "My doctors confirmed it just yesterday."   
  
"Confirmed what?" Heero snatched the letter from his partner and gave it a quick read. After a moment, his gaze drifted up and locked onto Relena's for the first time. "It's real?"   
  
Relena nodded, fighting back all of her pent-up emotions. "It's real. I've been poisoned."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	2. I'll be alright

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks for feedback. I hope everyone keeps on reading!! Take care 'til next time!  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
**Madam President,   
  
Read this very carefully. Your life depends on it. A poison has been introduced into your body, one half of an agent potent enough to kill you within a matter of hours. The first half is innocuous; it will stay in you for the rest of your life without effect. It is only when the second half is introduced that the poison will take its deadly effect. We hold the strings, and if you wish to never be introduced to the second half, you will do what we want, when we want it done.   
  
We will be in touch.**   
  
Heero read the words once, twice, then once more. Every time, he could actually feel the temperature of his blood rising. Ignoring his own instinctual reaction, he read the note a final time, committing it to memory. With only half an ear, he listened as Relena began to speak.   
  
"My doctor's tests confirm that there is an unknown pathogen in my body," she said clearly, but quietly. "They claim to have never seen anything like it, although they do seem to think that whoever did this isn't lying. It doesn't seem to be adversely affecting me."   
  
"Yet," Wufei added, earning a dark look from his superior officer. "How do they think the poison was administered?"   
  
Relena shook her head. "They have no idea. I was thoroughly examined for even the finest of needle marks, but there were none. It could have been something I touched, something I ingested, something I inhaled." She paused. "There's no way to tell."   
  
"So the same can probably be said for the other half," Heero mused, still staring at the letter. "It could come at any time, without warning."   
  
"Probably," she whispered.   
  
Lady Une glanced back and forth between the two men. "Your assignment is self-explanatory, gentlemen. You will investigate, find out who did this and how, and stop them before they make any demands on the President." Her stared landed on Heero. "In addition, one of you will be at her side twenty-four hours a day, in case anything should happen."   
  
He carefully replaced the letter in its folder. "Doesn't she have her own bodyguards for that?"   
  
Relena fought a valiant battle to keep her chin from trembling. He'd been cool once upon a time, but now Heero was nothing short of deliberately cold. Maybe this was what she needed. Hearing him say these things, and witnessing how little regard he held for her could help her finally move on. It wasn't too late to start a new life.   
  
"He's absolutely right, Lady Une," Relena said before the other woman could reply. "That is what my bodyguards are for."   
  
"Forgive me, Madam President, but the security forces you currently rely upon cannot compare to the Preventers. If I'd had my way, the responsibility of keeping you safe would have never been taken out of our hands." The glare she gave Heero grew harder. "We *will* protect you. And we'll do it with the same dedication and service that we swore when we first joined up. Won't we?"   
  
Heero finally glanced up, very obviously swallowing his pride even as he replied, "Like we have a choice."   
  
Wufei gave him a sideways look. "He means that it won't be easy to find the party or parties behind this. And it'll be even harder if we have to do someone else's job."   
  
"This is your job, Commander Chang," Une reminded him. "You do what I tell you to do. And I'm telling one of you to watch the President at all times. If you take up issue with that, you are free to leave. But you won't just be leaving this office; you'll be leaving this organization. Is that clear?" Neither man answered, and the matter seemed settled.   
  
Relena stood up on weak knees, but kept that fact concealed with a brave front. "I feel safer already." She forced a smile. "I should be getting back to my office; I have a lot of work waiting for me."   
  
"Perhaps you should take a few days off, Madam President," Une suggested.   
  
"Thank you, but I don't think that will accomplish anything. I don't intend to let this alter my life in any way."   
  
Heero snorted softly. "You're kidding yourself."   
  
With her eyes on the ceiling, Relena counted to ten. "Really, Commander Yuy? And why is that?"   
  
"Someone's got control over you. If they want, they can kill you at any moment. Everything you do from now on, and I'm not just talking political moves, but everyday things like eating and going outside, everything you do is a potential threat. Your life won't ever be the same." He folded his arms. "And if the day comes when they want something from you, and it happens to be a day before we track them down, you might just have to rethink some of those morals of yours if you want to save your own life."   
  
It was the most she'd ever heard him say at once. Relena swallowed heavily and put her hand on the back of Lady Une's chair to keep steady. Heero was right about the first part…but not about the second. "We don't know each other that well, so it's understandable that you may not know one important fact about me." She looked at him with a blank face. "I do not give in to terrorist threats. No matter what."   
  
"Even if your life is on the line?" Wufei asked, highly doubtful.   
  
"Especially if it's only my life." Relena started for the door. "Lady Une, thank you for everything. Commanders…I look forward to seeing you again." With that, she left the office.   
  
Once she was gone, Une turned on her subordinates. "The next time you have a problem with my orders, you will wait until the appropriate time to voice it, or else," she snapped. A second passed. "Well, what the hell are you waiting for? One of you will go with the President back to her office. The other will organize the best scene unit we've got. I want her office, her residence, her car, basically every place in which she's spent any significant amount of time in the past two weeks thoroughly examined. I want to know exactly how the most guarded person in existence was poisoned. And when you know that, I want to know who thought they could get away with it."   
  
"Anything else you'd like while we're at it?" Heero muttered.   
  
"Smart-ass doesn't work for you, Yuy. Get moving before she leaves the building." Une walked around behind her desk as the men stood up. "Oh, and one more thing," she called out before they left. "She might be the President, but she's also a human being. I don't give a damn about your personal feelings. You will treat her as such. Got it?"   
  
Wufei flicked a salute. Heero just yanked the door open and departed without a word.   
  
****   
  
Relena had just settled into the plush backseat of her private limousine when the car door was pulled open once again. She glanced over, and found herself immediately on guard as Heero ducked into the limo like he'd been there a million times before.   
  
"Madam President," he said, closing the door behind him.   
  
She studied him for the briefest of seconds. To say that four years had aged him to perfection would have been silly, but true. He'd grown into his long limbs and filled out to flawless proportions. His face hadn't lost its youthful beauty, but had adopted a rugged handsomeness that completed the ideal picture.   
  
Suddenly feeling quite like an old maid with her plain suit and librarian hair-do, Relena looked away. "Lady Une underestimates my bodyguards," she said. "Your time would be better spent on investigation rather than my protection."   
  
"I have my orders."   
  
"Of course." She smiled as the car lurched into motion. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to make the best out of this." Glancing back at him, she asked, "How are you, Heero?" He had no reply. "Forgive me. That was entirely too personal. I should have known better."   
  
"Hn."   
  
Relena massaged her aching head with two fingers at her temple. "At least I won't have to worry about you distracting me from my work."   
  
"I'll need a copy of your schedule immediately," he said abruptly. "Down to the last minute. I'll need to formulate a security plan."   
  
"I already have a security plan."   
  
He gave her a look. "You obviously need a better one."   
  
She sighed softly. "You'll have it as soon as we get to my office. Should I try to schedule bathroom breaks, as well? Because those generally tend to come when they will."   
  
"This will never work if you're going to be difficult."   
  
"What's difficult is having a bodyguard who…" Relena stopped herself just in time. "I know you didn't have any choice in this, Heero, and for that, I'm sorry. No one should be forced to care about another person when they wouldn't do it willingly on their own. But I do hope that we can work out a comfortable existence for as long as we're in this situation. I get along well with my other guards; it helps to count them amongst my friends."   
  
Heero shook his head. "They're a liability, then, and should have been replaced a long time ago."   
  
Her temper sparked. "Just what gives you the right to say that? Is it too much for you to imagine that *someone* might value me as more than the President? I may not have many of them, but I do have friends. And I don't care what you think, I'm not about to send any of them packing."   
  
"When a bodyguard becomes personally involved on any level with his client, it's a dangerous situation. Relationships blur the lines, and blurred lines are a liability."   
  
Relena took a breath. "You might see it that way, but I don't. But you shouldn't be worried, Heero. I'm not asking you for a personal relationship. Do your job, and I'll do mine, and hopefully this will all be over soon. Then you'll never have to see me again. I promise."   
  
"Whatever you say, Madam President."   
  
She returned her attention to the window and closed her eyes. "I didn't ask for this, you know. Any of this."   
  
Heero watched her; somehow, even in the darkness of the tinted windows, her hair managed to shimmer, a gold that was decidedly forbidden.   
  
****   
  
The first day passed quickly. Heero was like a shadow, present, but silent, throughout her daily slew of meetings, as well as the monotonous hours of paperwork. His laptop was delivered to him at lunch, and he spent the rest of the day typing away at it.   
  
At the end of the day, he was given a state room in her mansion, only two doors down from her own bedroom. She wasn't terribly comfortable with the idea, but Heero accepted without comment. And really, she thought, where did she suppose he'd stay? Une had him on twenty-four hour duty, but it wasn't as though he could actually be with her all the time.   
  
So she prepared for bed with a small amount of trepidation. Somehow, it felt odd getting undressed with Heero just down the hall. Her night routine was the same as the rest of her day, orderly and efficient. Changing clothes, brushing her teeth, braiding her hair so it wouldn't tangle in her sleep…she finished each quickly and turned down the covers, anxious to spend a few blissful hours unaware of Heero's sudden presence in her life, to say nothing of the poison coursing through her body.   
  
But once in bed, she found that sleep wasn't going to come at her beck and call. With a sigh, she turned on the lamp next to her bed, flooding the room with light again. Relena lay back against the pillows and stared at the ornate molding on the ceiling over her bed. Eventually, sleep came around, and she drifted into it.   
  
At least that night she knew for certain that Heero was sleeping alone, too.   
  
****   
  
He might have been alone, but he wasn't sleeping. Heero sat at an oak writing desk in the room he'd been assigned, his laptop open and on in front of him. It cast an eerie glow over his face. It hadn't taken a lot of time or effort to hack into the video signal coming from the security cameras that were strategically placed around the mansion. Was Relena aware of the one that recorded all activity in her bedroom? Probably not, given the careless manner in which she moved about it.   
  
His lap still throbbed simply from having watched her undress. Her slender fingers had undone each little button on her suit, and it took all of his strength not to come undone, too. She wasn't the plain princess he'd first met, but she wasn't the regal queen he'd once defended. When her clothes came off, she was just a woman. Beautiful. Desirable.   
  
Heero swore under his breath. It was pathetic how quickly his body had reacted to hers, although in his defense, she could put the girls in Duo's dirty magazines to shame. There wasn't a thing about her that was faked, though. And that made it all the more appealing. However, she was on the thin side, not a surprise considering how little she'd eaten at dinner. He made a mental note to order her to eat more.   
  
All too quickly, she'd covered up, hiding herself in a white cotton nightgown. But no amount of shifting kept his arousal at bay when she began brushing out her hair. It reached to her back now, softly waved from a day spent in a tightly coiled braid at the base of her neck. It occurred to him right then that all the women he'd sought out for a quick, satisfying release had been blondes, most of them owing the color more to a bottle of bleach than their genes.   
  
He couldn't get rid of the disturbing thought as she fixed her hair into two loose braids and climbed into bed. The screen went dark when the lights went out and he paused to catch his breath. Had he been seeking out women who reminded him of Relena for four years?   
  
Her light came back on and he watched her as she slowly fell asleep, his erection now a shameful annoyance. It had to be a coincidence. The sort of women who would go along with a one-night stand were generally the sort of women who did everything possible to be blonde, he reasoned.   
  
Heero kept the camera link open on his laptop, but refused to look at it as he searched for a solitary release that turned out to be anything but satisfying.   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	3. Stand by me

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: Thanks for all the sweet reviews! I hope you keep enjoying!!  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
A week later, Heero and Wufei presented their first report to Lady Une. It took exactly five minutes.   
  
"This is it?" She searched through the contents of the file they'd presented to her, in case she'd missed something. "Seven days of active investigation and this is all you've managed to come up with?"   
  
"The perps are smart. However they got the poison into the President, they didn't leave a trace of it behind. And we had everything tested." Wufei crossed his arms, indignant. "I personally interviewed over fifty people who have come into contact with her over the past two weeks, with nothing to show for it. Now, you do realize that number could have been doubled if my partner hadn't been otherwise occupied."   
  
Une flashed him a deadly look. "Watch it, Chang." She looked at Heero. "How is the President holding up?"   
  
Heero lifted one shoulder. "She's keeping to her normal routine. Not eating much. Not sleeping much either."   
  
"You're watching her sleep?" Wufei asked.   
  
"She looks tired," he shot back.   
  
"That's to be expected, I suppose. She carries so many burdens already. This might prove to be one too heavy for her." The older woman stood up and looked out her window for a long moment. "Keep talking to her people. Re-interview anyone who has anything to do with her mail service. Go over the security tapes one more time. Someone put that letter on her secretary's desk; it didn't just appear out of thin air." She turned back to them. "As for you, Yuy, make sure she takes care of herself."   
  
"With all due respect…"   
  
Lady Une cut him off. "Whatever history you two have, get over it. She is your mission right now, and your mission needs your attention. End of discussion. You're both dismissed. And next time we talk, I expect there to be a lot more to talk about."   
  
Wufei waited until they were in the elevator to let out a string of curses in rapid, angry Chinese. After a long moment, he switched back to English. "Did she really expect me to have solved the problem in one week all by myself? I'm good, but even I'm not *that* good!" Heero said nothing. "Don't tell me you're not more than a little sick of playing babysitter for the President."   
  
"We follow our orders. Nothing more, nothing less."   
  
The other man continued to shake his head. "It's not like there's a clear and present threat against the woman. It could be years before there is! Are you going to have to guard her for the rest of your life?"   
  
"I don't know."   
  
"It's ridiculous," Wufei grumbled. "She's wasting your time and not giving me enough."   
  
The elevator doors opened on the main level of the building. "The safety of the President is never a waste of time. If you need more help doing your job perhaps you should talk Une into assigning us a third partner."   
  
"I don't *need* any help." Still, despite his emphatic words, Wufei lingered in the elevator. "Who would you suggest?"   
  
"I know he's not on active status, but Trowa did go through all the necessary training." Heero held the doors open with one hand. "Take it up with her. I have to get back to my post."   
  
****   
  
The headache started as a dull throb at her temples. By midday, it had escalated into acute pain across the breadth of her forehead and down into the back of her neck. Two aspirin taken at lunch hadn't even made a dent in it. Relena sat at her desk, holding her head between her hands to keep her brain from exploding. A tear trickled down her cheek.   
  
Fortunately Heero wasn't there to witness her weakness. He'd been called into a meeting at headquarters, and for the first time in a week, not counting her sleepless nights, Relena found herself alone. It would have been a welcome release, but for the headache from hell.   
  
Someone rapped lightly on her office door, but it sounded to her like the person on the other side was hitting the wood with a sledgehammer. Her fist balled up. "What?" she shouted.   
  
"Madam President?" The door opened inch by inch; she wiped at her cheek. It wouldn't be Heero because he never bothered to knock, and the voice was far too soft to be his, but it still wouldn't do to be caught crying. Quatre Winner's head poked into her office. His blonde hair was brilliant against the dark blue of his expensive suit. But the warm smile he gave her was the most wonderful thing about him. "Am I disturbing you?"   
  
Her entire face lit up. "Quatre!" Relena stood and met him halfway across the office. Unsure of whether to hug him or just break down on his shoulder, she reached out for his hands. "You could never disturb me. But you have surprised me!"   
  
He drew her knuckles up to his mouth for a quick kiss. "Have I? Didn't you receive my letter? I sent it over a week ago to tell you I'd be stopping by."   
  
"Oh…" Relena hesitated. In the wake of everything, she'd completely forgotten to open his letter. "I'm so sorry. It's been…well, it's been a very bad week."   
  
Quatre's ocean eyes grew worried. "Is everything all right, Relena?"   
  
Her temples throbbed steadily as she began to nod, then suddenly she changed her mind. Shaking her head, she gently pulled away from him. "Things are definitely not right."   
  
"Would you like to talk about it?"   
  
She walked to a brocaded loveseat and sank down onto it. "I'm not even sure where I'd begin." After a moment of staring off into space, she looked back at him. "Heero's come back into my life."   
  
If Quatre was shocked by this, he didn't show it. "Not in the way you would have liked?"   
  
"No." Relena snapped herself out of her momentary trance. "You just got here and already I'm using you for my private therapist. Tell me everything that's new with you. It's been far too long."   
  
"Relena…" Quatre made his way to the loveseat, hands in his pockets. "I didn't just come to Earth on business. I came because I sensed that you needed a friend." He sat next to her. "I'm here for you."   
  
She couldn't stop the cascade of tears that his gentle, genuine words prodded out. "He hates me so much, Quatre. I don't know what I did…but he does." Relena buried her face in her hands.   
  
"Oh, Relena." He pulled her into a warm embrace. It didn't take her long to relax in his arms; it was human contact, something she was usually denied. With her body tucked against his, Quatre rubbed her back, his hands soothing away her sobs. "I don't believe he hates you. He hates being vulnerable. And caring about someone makes you vulnerable."   
  
Relena closed her eyes. Her cheek was pressed against his shoulder; Quatre was the very essence of comfort. "He doesn't care about me," she whispered.   
  
"That's certainly what he'd like you to believe."   
  
"I play so many games, Quatre. Every day of my life is another round." Her tears wet his shirt; he drew her even closer. "I can't play them in my personal life, too."   
  
"I know." Keeping one hand on her back, Quatre brought his other up to cup the back of her neck. He pressed a soft kiss against her aching forehead. "I know."   
  
There was nothing sexual in the embrace as far as they were concerned. But all Heero saw when he entered the President's office without announcing himself was Relena in Quatre Winner's arms.   
  
And it was like a punch straight to his gut.   
  
"If you're done groping each other, the President has a meeting to get to."   
  
His cold voice cut through Quatre's warmth. Relena's eyes flew open. Instinct compelled her to pull away, and Quatre released her with a gentle squeeze on her hand. While she smoothed down her suit, he looked at his old co-pilot. "Hello, Heero. You're as polite as ever, I see."   
  
"Winner." Heero's eye twitched. "I don't remember seeing your name in the President's appointment book."   
  
Having recovered from the shock, anger crept up in Relena's chest. "The President can see whomever she chooses," she told him. "Whenever she chooses." She looked back at Quatre; his smile of encouragement prompted her to go on. "I suggest you learn how to knock, Commander Yuy." Her expression turned apologetic. "Quatre, I am so sorry, but I do have a meeting. Can we have dinner tonight?"   
  
"Of course." He stood up and took her hands in his once more. "I look forward to it."   
  
The smile she gave him was warm; the look she turned onto Heero was frozen. "Let's go, Commander." She walked out of the office, quite proud of herself for not collapsing under the pressure of her headache.   
  
Heero glared at Quatre for a long minute before the blonde man had enough. "Don't you give me that look, Heero. Don't you dare." He pointed at the door through which Relena had just disappeared. "I care about her very much. Any *sane* man would get down on his knees for the chance to have her say the same about him."   
  
"Leave her alone."   
  
"No, that's your department." Quatre crossed his arms. "There's something wrong with her, and it's more than just your usual cruelty. She needs help…she needs friends right now. And I'm going to be here for her in any way that she might want me." He paused. "And I mean *any* way."   
  
"Touch her like that, and I will kill you."   
  
The other man could only shake his head. "Just a little over the top, Heero. Take it down a notch or you might just give yourself away. You're not half as frightening as you think you are."   
  
Heero wanted to blink, but wouldn't give Quatre the satisfaction of seeing him do so. The once timid boy had grown a sharp tongue to defend his gentle spirit. "I thought you were gay."   
  
"Duo used to say the same thing about you."   
  
"He should talk."   
  
Quatre raised his shoulders. "Out of all of us, who is married with a child on the way?"   
  
Without acknowledging that truth, Heero started for the door. "Don't test me where my mission is concerned. And she is *my* mission."   
  
"She can't be just that, Heero. She deserves better."   
  
"This is what I have to give her." He opened the door.   
  
"Then don't be surprised when someone offers her everything else."   
  
Heero slammed the door shut with far more force than necessary. He wanted to slam it so hard that it would erase Quatre's words…and his very existence. The man was a genuine threat. And threats were usually eliminated.   
  
At the far end of the hallway, Relena sat on a small, but ornate chair, waiting for him. She didn't notice his approach as she was doubled over at the waist.   
  
He frowned. "What's wrong with you?"   
  
She raised her head quickly and stood up. His attention narrowed in on the pale hand she put on the chair's arm to steady herself. "Nothing," she replied, shortly. "I'm fine."   
  
"I don't believe you."   
  
"I don't really care what you believe."   
  
He caught her arm before she could walk away. "Why do you always have to test me, Relena?"   
  
"Let go." She leveled him with her blank stare. "If you want to touch me again, you make damn sure you keep it in the context of the boundaries you yourself set up. Either that or…" The pain in her head tripled; Relena's knees dropped out from under her.   
  
Heero caught her before she collapsed to the ground; he couldn't help but recall, for the briefest of seconds, how she'd done the same for him so many years earlier. "Relena!" She screamed in reply, grabbing her head between her hands. "Tell me what's wrong!"   
  
Although restrained by his body, she thrashed about, fighting some invisible assailant. A low moan rose from her throat, but she was unable to form any words.   
  
"Put your arms around my neck," he ordered, and picked her up. She was unbelievably light; he was reminded of all the dinners she hadn't been eating…the dinners he hadn't been insisting she eat. "Hospital. Now."   
  
His warmth was different than Quatre's, but there was too much pain to dwell on the variations between the two men. Heero's arms had always been the ones she wanted to be in, but right then, being so close to him was too much for her to bear. "Put me down," she whimpered. "Don't rescue me…anymore."   
  
He was already carrying her down the wide steps of the grand staircase. "I haven't got anything else," she heard him say just under his breath before the pain blacked out everything else. "Let me at least do this for you."   
  
****   
  
"One thing you'll soon learn about living on Mars is that the metals at the core of the planet make it exceedingly difficult to communicate with the outside world. Transmissions get jammed, signals rarely go through." Millardo Peacecraft, once known as Zechs Marquise, looked around at the recent crop of construction workers who'd come to help colonize the desolate world. "We're on our own out here, but then again, that's probably what most of you are searching for. Work starts tomorrow morning at seven sharp. Don't be late."   
  
The rag-tag group of men disbanded, going in every different direction as they headed off to their new homes, the cramped, make-shift apartment buildings, or into the even more make-shift town that boasted a fairly disreputable bar. Millardo watched them go, and he could almost feel sorry for them. If not for the presence of one amazing woman in his life, he'd be just the same as them.   
  
The woman in question was waiting for him back at the home they'd built together out of nothing but scrap metal and a belief in each other that had come through war and death. Getting back to her at the end of the day was what kept him going throughout it.   
  
He walked through the door twenty minutes later, and straight into Lucrezia Noin's arms. "You're home." She hugged him harder. "I was getting worried about you."   
  
Millardo stroked her dark hair. She shouldn't worry about him, although it was perfectly all right for him to worry about her, especially now that they'd found out she was nearly two months pregnant. There had been babies before this one, two of them, both lost early on. He wanted to put her on a plush pillow for the next seven months, to protect the child, but also to save her from another heartbreak. "We had new arrivals. God, you smell good."   
  
She laughed. "That's oven cleaner, sweetie."   
  
"Should you be doing that?"   
  
"I cleared it with Sally."   
  
Millardo was mildly surprised. "You got through to Earth?"   
  
"For about an hour today the communicator was working. We had about fifteen messages waiting for us; Sally's was just one." She paused. "And there was one from Relena."   
  
"Relena?" He took a step back. "How is she?"   
  
Noin nibbled on her lower lip for a second. "You should just watch the message, Zechs. I recorded it for you." Taking his hand, she led him over to the communicator station, and quickly called up the saved file.   
  
Relena's face appeared on the screen. "This isn't an easy message to record. I'm not even sure you'll ever get it. But my first reaction was to contact you, Millardo. You are my brother by blood. The only family I have left." She took a breath. "There's been a threat against my life; I now live with one half of a deadly poison in my body. And there is no telling when the other half will be administered, or how, or what I will be asked to do to prevent it. There really isn't anything you can do about this, I know. You have your own life to live. Still, as I said, I just felt the need to…" Her composure broke; her shoulders hunched over as her tears began to flow. "I'm sorry. I just…I'm so alone right now. I can't ask you to abandon your life to come to my side, but if you get this, I would really like to talk to you and Miss Noin." She looked straight at the recording device. He saw his own eyes staring at him, wet with tears. "I need my big bro...."   
  
The recording ended abruptly and there was a long moment of silence. "I'm sorry," Noin murmured into her lover's ear. "That's all that I got before everything jammed up again."   
  
He backed away from the communicator like it was a bomb about to explode. As she watched him, he began to pace back and forth, his unconscious habit when there were too many thoughts running through his head. After a few minutes, he stopped and looked at her. "I want to go to her."   
  
"There's nothing stopping you," she reminded him.   
  
"But you and the baby…"   
  
She touched her belly. "We have every intention of going with you."   
  
Millardo reached for her. "It's more than that."   
  
"I know." Noin cupped his face in her hands and gave him a light kiss. "But your mistakes are in the past, Zechs. You're a different person now. And she needs us."   
  
"I used to think that my whole purpose in life was to protect Relena. And now here I haven't even seen her in, what, eight years?   
  
"It's not too late."   
  
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. "It might be. Poisoned…how?! Why??!"   
  
Noin kissed him again. "I have a feeling there's at least one man who is doing everything in his power to answer those questions already."   
  
"Unless he's the one who gave her the poison." Millardo drew back, a dark scowl on his handsome face. "He's nothing but a hired assassin."   
  
"Maybe. But everyone's got personality quirks."   
  
Laughter was something she had taught him. He wrapped her up in his arms for another long minute. "Pack us up. I'll book passage to Earth on the next shuttle out."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	4. In too deep

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: I'm so glad people are reading and enjoying!! I hope you keep up with the story. This might be the last time I update before the holidays, so have a very merry Christmas, ya'll!!! Take care:)  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
"Madam President, I can only hope that all of this will finally convince you that you simply have to get sufficient rest and nutrition, not just when it's convenient for you, but every single day," Relena's doctor reprimanded her.   
  
She nodded listlessly. "Of course. Every day."   
  
"I'm quite serious," the doctor went on. "Although I believe this migraine came about because you haven't been taking proper care of yourself, I can't say with absolute certainty that it had nothing to do with the…pathogen in your body. I have two of my best scientists working on the case, but without knowing enough about its properties, there's no way to tell how it will affect you in the future, especially if your system is weakened in any way."   
  
"I understand." Relena touched her forehead; thanks to the strongest pain reliever that the private clinic boasted, her headache was fading. "When can I go home, doctor?"   
  
The man sighed. "I'll discharge you in an hour, but not until after I see you eat something. All right?" She nodded again. "I'll have a nurse bring you a tray from the cafeteria. Until then, try to rest." He made a note on her chart. "Oh, and the man who brought you here is still waiting in the lobby."   
  
"Heero?" Relena looked down at her hands. "Has he…been here this whole time?"   
  
"Organizing a security sweep of the building, asking for constant updates on your condition, and being a general pain in the...." The doctor tucked her chart under his arm. "Would you like me to send him in?"   
  
She took a breath. "All right."   
  
The man smiled and disappeared through the curtain he'd pulled around her bed for privacy. Relena took a moment to smooth down her hair and make sure the hospital gown covered as much of her body as possible. She probably looked horrible with tearstains and dark circles under her eyes, but there wasn't much she could do about that. It was bad enough that she'd tried to make herself more presentable at all. It would be wasted on a man who cared nothing for her physically.   
  
Heero entered the curtained-off area and looked around, suspicious. "There's no nurse. Who's watching you?"   
  
"I'm fine; I don't need anyone to hold my hand." Relena studied him. "Why are you still here?"   
  
"My assignment is a twenty-four hour one."   
  
She stared at him for another second before her chin dropped her chest. A rueful smile appeared on her lips. "At least I can't ever say you led me on. Thank you for that."   
  
Heero frowned. "What do you mean?"   
  
"I'm relieving you of your assignment, Heero." Relena lifted her head. "My authority as President supercedes Lady Une's, and while I don't like going over her head, it's obvious that she made a mistake. You don't want to be here, and I don't want you to be here. I'll inform her in the morning." She closed her eyes. "Go, please. I'm tired."   
  
He was still standing there when she opened them a few minutes later. Puzzled, she began to ask, "What part of that didn't you…"   
  
"I don't want to be relieved of my assignment." Heero looked at her. "I'm the only one who can guard you properly."   
  
Her headache was threatening to return. "Haven't you heard, Heero? Pride goeth before a fall."   
  
"This isn't about pride or ego," he snapped.   
  
"You *would* say that." Relena crossed her arms over her stomach. "But for what other possible reason would you stay when it's so plainly obvious that you can't stand me?"   
  
Heero braced himself with both hands on the metal frame of her bed. "You don't understand."   
  
"Of course I don't understand!! How could I possibly understand?!"   
  
"The last thing you need right now is to get upset," he reminded her.   
  
"Don't do that." Relena shook her head. "I take advice from doctors, political consultants and my friends. At last check, you fell into none of those categories."   
  
His expression grew dark. "Friends like Quatre Winner?" When she said nothing, he pressed on. "He's gay, you know."   
  
"He is not."   
  
Heero lifted a shoulder. "Believe what you want. But has he ever made a move on you?"   
  
Relena hesitated. "No. But that doesn't mean…"   
  
"Has he ever even seemed like he was going to?"   
  
"Why are you doing this? Are you just trying to pound it into my head that no man could ever possibly be attracted to me? Fine, I accept that. But what does this have to do with me firing you?"   
  
"Damn it, Relena! Isn't it enough? Isn't it enough that I'm here? That I don't want *not* to be here?"   
  
She began to laugh. "Heero, you're here because you were ordered to be here. And you fought it!! I sat in that damn office and listened to you try to get out of it! What the hell are you trying to say now?"   
  
"I don't know." He released the frame and pushed off violently. "I don't fucking know!" Heero plunged his fingers through his hair. "I just know…that I wanted to hurt Quatre earlier today. And when I saw you in so much pain…" Shaking his head violently, Heero could only repeat, "I don't know."   
  
"I can't do this," Relena whispered a moment later. "I can't always be wondering what you're really thinking as opposed to what you're saying or doing. Your actions might speak louder than your words, but what do you suggest I do when *both* of them are telling me the same thing? Should I ignore them both, assuming that you're really meaning something different, and then follow you around like a puppy dog, hoping you'll eventually toss me a few scraps of something good?"   
  
Heero's head swayed back and forth. "I shouldn't have said anything. Fire me if you want; it doesn't matter."   
  
Some little light in her eyes died. "No. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. You will be my bodyguard, because you are good at it. You're just going to have to learn to live with whatever issues you've got."   
  
She nearly screamed when he leaned over her, slamming a hand on either side of her pillow. "I'm in hell when I'm with you. And I'm in hell when I'm not. It's torture."   
  
"Torture yourself all you want, Heero, but I'm not going to do the same," she whispered. He was too close; she could smell his soap and sweat. "Not anymore."   
  
"There was a time…" He brought one hand over to run his fingers down the edge of her cheek. "…when you cared about me. What happened to that?"   
  
Relena kept her eyes on his, determined to show no reaction, even as the gentle caress sent shivers down her spine. "I got over it."   
  
"I didn't." His mouth descended towards hers; she held her breath, waiting for the kiss, waiting to find out if the reality would be as good as all of her fantasies.   
  
"Madam President, may I come in?"   
  
The nurse's voice blasted through the moment. Heero abruptly drew back and moved a good distance away from her bed. Relena swallowed heavily. "Yes, it's fine."   
  
When the plump woman left a few minutes later, Relena found herself staring at a plate of pale baked chicken, dry rice, limp vegetables, and rubbery Jello, alongside a carton of milk. "I can't eat this."   
  
Heero turned back around. "How much are you paying these people? You're the President, and this is what they feed you?"   
  
"No…I really can't." She pushed the rolling table further down until it covered her legs instead of her waist.   
  
"You have to." He moved back to her side. "Do you want to get out of here or not?"   
  
Relena sighed. "What's the point, Heero?"   
  
"Self-explanatory," he replied, frowning.   
  
"I mean, what's the point of going through the motions?" She gestured to the food. "So what if I don't eat much? And so what if I can't sleep? It's not like it really matters. One of these days, the people who did this to me are going to want something. And when I refuse to give it to them, they're going to kill me. So, I repeat, what's the point?"   
  
His frown grew even harder. "You know that we're going to find the ones who did this, and soon. But if you waste away before that happens…well, that's just…" He searched for a word, but could only come up with, "…stupid."   
  
"I've done stupider things." Relena let out a little laugh. "I chartered a plane to Antarctica to deliver you a letter."   
  
"I thought you did that so I wouldn't fight Zechs."   
  
She shrugged again. "Maybe I did; I can't really remember."   
  
"Just eat, Relena." Heero pushed the tray table closer to her. "All right?"   
  
"I will. If you do something for me."   
  
"What do you want?"   
  
"Finish what you started before the nurse came in." Relena's tongue darted over her lips. "I want you to kiss me."   
  
A full minute of silence passed before he finally said, "I can't. Not now."   
  
She nodded, and couldn't seem to stop. If her head kept moving, she figured her tears might not have a chance to escape. To distract herself, Relena picked up her fork with a heavy hand "Go away, Heero."   
  
He followed the order, but he didn't go far.   
  
****   
  
"You're certain that you're all right, Relena?"   
  
She smiled at Quatre's face on the communicator screen. "I'm certain. I am sorry about our dinner plans, though."   
  
"As am I. I had the perfect restaurant picked out. But I'm going to be here for awhile; we'll try again when you're feeling better."   
  
Relena nodded. After a paused, she asked, "Quatre? Do you find me attractive?"   
  
His cheeks colored almost immediately. "You're beautiful, Relena."   
  
It wasn't quite the answer she was looking for, but she smiled again. "I should get some more rest."   
  
"Of course. I'll come by your office tomorrow, perhaps?" When she nodded again, he continued, "Goodnight, Relena."   
  
She stayed at her desk for a long moment after the screen blanked out; finally, she forced herself to stand up. It was after midnight, but there was no urgent need for her to fall asleep. As a condition of her release from the hospital, she'd been ordered to take a personal day to recuperate. She could sleep in until noon if she wanted to, but it wasn't as exciting a prospect as it might have once been.   
  
She couldn't get her argument with Heero out of her head. It was like she had to decode it; nothing had quite made sense. Hot one minute and cold the next didn't even begin to describe the fluctuations in Heero's words and actions. At the same time he was holding her down, drowning her, he would toss her a life preserver…only to snatch it back again just as quickly.   
  
No wonder she'd developed migraines.   
  
Without bothering to go about her nightly routine, Relena shed her clothes. The straight maroon skirt and matching jacket lay where they fell, tangled around a silver-grey blouse and flesh-colored stockings. Reaching around her back, she unhooked her black bra, freeing herself from its constraints.   
  
She reached into a drawer for a nightgown, but closed it up without removing one. When she slipped into bed a moment later, she was only covered by a tiny pair of black panties.   
  
There was something entirely delicious in the way the satin sheets felt against her bare skin. Relena stretched, letting the length of her legs and arms slid across the cool material. It warmed quickly as the heat of her body grew. Her nipples pebbled; unaware, she covered one breast with her hand.   
  
His fingers would be rough, she idly thought. He wouldn't stroke or tease; he'd simply take. She closed her eyes. Oh, the places he'd take her. Relena bit her lip, rolling her thumb over and around the hard tip of her breast. Her other hand disappeared under the covers, seeking the center of her body.   
  
"Heero," she cried out softly.   
  
Her head was so awash in sensation that she didn't even notice her door opening a few minutes later. It was only when she felt the bed beneath her jerk as though someone was climbing onto it that she opened her eyes. Heero looked down at her; his stare smoldered with something she'd never seen before.   
  
Too shocked to be embarrassed, all she could say was his name again. It was a question, but it didn't ask for an explanation. If anything, it was an invitation.   
  
"Now," he answered. He kissed her hard; she tasted blood on her lips when he pulled back to get rid of his own clothes. "Now, Relena."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	5. Making love out of nothing

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: It's Christmas Eve!!! This is my present to everyone out there who reads and reviews. I appreciate it oh so much:)  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
Heero stared up at the gilded molding on the ceiling over Relena's bed. He was frozen, numb with the intensity of self-hatred. What he had done could never be undone.   
  
He had raped her.   
  
It took every bit of his strength to look over at the woman lying next to him. She was in the exact same position she'd been in after he'd rolled off of her. Was she trembling? He couldn't tell, but it didn't seem unlikely. He'd taken her without thought, without care. He hadn't asked her what she wanted; he hadn't spent the time preparing her that he should have. He hadn't even slowed down upon encountering the resistance of her innocence.   
  
"Shit," he muttered, closing his eyes under the pressure of a fresh wave of guilt. She'd cried out in pain because he'd been too far gone to stop. He'd tasted her tears, but still hadn't stopped. It hadn't lasted very long, certainly not long enough for her feel any pleasure. No wonder she was lying next to him, shell-shocked.   
  
Heero rubbed his hands down his face. "Relena," he began. "I'm…"   
  
"Is this how it always is?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
"No." He swallowed back bile that threatened to rise in his throat. "It's supposed to be good."   
  
"It wasn't?"   
  
He sat up and looked down at her. "You couldn't have enjoyed that."   
  
Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "It hurt, yes. A lot." Heero looked away. "But I thought maybe…maybe you at least liked it." When he looked back at her, she'd crossed one arm over her breasts, a shield against him. "I've heard it's supposed to get better. But if you didn't enjoy it, I suppose there won't be another time."   
  
"You're acting like you'd want there to be another time." He shook his head. "Relena, I fucking raped you."   
  
"No." She sat up to face him, letting her arm fall away from her breasts. "You were rough. And you hurt me. But that was going to happen anyway." She reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. "But you didn't rape me. I never said 'no.'"   
  
"Semantics." Heero moved her hand away. "You never said 'yes' either."   
  
"I could have stopped you."   
  
He gave her a look. "How?"   
  
Relena considered this. "Someone would have heard me screaming."   
  
"Not if I'd covered your mouth."   
  
"But you didn't!" She sighed, suddenly exasperated. "Are you trying to condemn yourself so you don't have to deal with the reality that we had sex?"   
  
Heero rubbed his arm across his mouth as if trying to scrub away a bad taste in it. "You'd have every right to kill me after this."   
  
"I guess dying would be easier for you than trying to work out whatever this is between us," she said. Twisting her fingers around the edge of the sheet, she drew it up towards her chest. "You've got a gun; take care of it yourself, if you want."   
  
He watched her roll onto her side away from him, and when she did, the damning bloodstains on the sheets were exposed. Balling up his fist, he pounded the mattress, making her wince. After a moment, his fist relaxed. Relena had pulled herself into a protective fetal position, but all he could think about was the fluid curve of her hip and how soft her skin had felt underneath his bruising hands.   
  
*Sick,* he thought. *I am a sick man.*   
  
He was all set to stand up, put his clothes back on and leave when she spoke. "Why did you come here tonight, Heero?"   
  
It was a question he'd asked himself over and over again, each time he'd thrust into her warmth. But he hadn't been able to come up with a reasonable answer for his own mind, and definitely not one that he could give her. What would he have said? 'I saw you masturbating and got sick of doing it myself'? No. But neither could he voice the very unreasonable explanation that was perhaps the truth.   
  
'I needed you.'   
  
"I don't know," he eventually replied.   
  
"How long were you watching me…?" Although he couldn't see her face, he could tell that she was blushing.   
  
"I'm always watching you, Relena."   
  
"Do you like that better than being with me?" His silence prompted her to roll over again and prop herself up on her elbow to see him better. "You must, or else you wouldn't be fairly dying to get out of here."   
  
If it would have helped, he would have liked to grab her shoulders and shake the truth into her. "I hurt you. I raped you. I don't deserve to be here."   
  
Relena's eyes lowered, and she too noticed the stain her virginity had left behind. It wasn't much, just a smattering of rose, certainly not the scarlet mess her romance novels had led her to believe there would be after her first time. "You could leave and we could go back to playing your games. But I'm so tired of them, Heero. I'm so tired of the dance, the wondering, the ups and downs." She looked back at him; determination had replaced the lost look in her eyes. "You didn't do anything tonight that I haven't imagined you doing a hundred times in my dreams. All right, so those dreams had rose petals and champagne, but they were still just you wanting me." She paused to take a breath. "Do you want me, Heero?"   
  
He couldn't lie; he was naked in front of her in more ways than just one. "Yes," he finally said. "I want you."   
  
She dropped back onto the pillows. "You can have me. Maybe not forever…I need more to last forever. But for right now…" Relena's breath caught in the back of her throat. "I want you, too."   
  
Heero looked up at the ceiling again. She was offering more than just her body; she was even offering more than her heart. She was handing him a chance at redemption. He could make up every wrong he'd committed since bursting in on her without warning. And maybe it wouldn't last forever.   
  
But then, he thought as he covered her body with his and sought out her soft, pliant lips, maybe it would.   
  
****   
  
On the surface, the circus seemed to be the last place possible where someone could be bored. But bored was just how Trowa Barton felt. Bored and stifled and guilty over both.   
  
The lights on L3-24378 were still off for the night, but he was wide awake. It was a rare night that he slept all the way through. Usually it was nightmares that kept him awake. That night, it was a decision he had to make.   
  
He set aside his costume, having finished sewing a quick patch onto the oversized green pants. One of Catherine's knives hadn't quite hit its mark and had sliced a nice hole into the material.   
  
Catherine. What would she say if he told her how he was feeling? After everything she'd done for him, giving him a home when he had absolutely nowhere else to go, getting him a job…he owed her more than just a quick goodbye. Especially now that they shared more than just a circus routine.   
  
He stood up from the metal steps of Catherine's trailer and ducked back inside. She was asleep on the fold-out bed they currently shared; her auburn curls spread over her pillow. Trowa sighed. It was going to be messy. He was going to hurt her. And it couldn't be helped.   
  
Because it wasn't a question of *if* he'd be leaving anymore. As of his late night communication with Preventer Headquarters, it was just a matter of when.   
  
Catherine's eyes opened and she gave him a sleepy, sexy smile. "It's not light yet. Come back to bed."   
  
Trowa remained standing. "It's time, Catherine."   
  
She sat up on her elbows, the sheets dangerously close to slipping down and exposing her breasts. She didn't have to ask; somehow, she'd sensed it all. "They want you back." There was a pause. "When?"   
  
"As soon as possible."   
  
"I see." Despite her best efforts, her lower lip trembled. "You have to go, Trowa. You're not happy here anymore." He opened his mouth to protest, but she stopped him. "I see it in your eyes. There was life in them after the war, but it's faded again."   
  
He hung his head. "You make me happy. You do."   
  
"I know," she whispered. "But it's just not quite enough, is it?"   
  
"You could come with me." There was no pleading in his tone, but she couldn't hate him for that. At least he was asking. "Quit the circus and go to Earth with me."   
  
Catherine shook her head. "No. This colony is my home. The circus is my world. Can you understand that?"   
  
"I can." He walked forward and kneeled down next to the bed. Taking one of her slender hands in his calloused one, he pressed it against the center of his bare chest. "You're the only person who's ever gotten in here."   
  
Because he wanted to believe that so much, Catherine just nodded. "Come here." She held up the sheets; Trowa slid between them and pulled her body against his one last time.   
  
When he made love to her, she found it very easy to forget Quatre Winner even existed.   
  
He left after she fell back asleep, but took a moment to admire her smooth skin flushed with pleasure. It was exactly how he wanted to remember her if they never met again. With only a small bag of his things, Trowa left behind one part of his life to seek out another.   
  
****   
  
The euphoria of being with Heero only lasted two weeks.   
  
He wasn't a tender, patient lover, but in the wake of his initial violence, he molded himself into a generous one. As for Relena, she caught on quick. By dawn's light, her eyes had been opened to the pleasure of the act and by the time the sun went down again, she'd already learned how to make him beg.   
  
Her life went on with all the duties and responsibilities that came with her position, and true to his assignment, he stayed by her side as her bodyguard. She even had dinner with Quatre, in a strictly friends capacity, although not even her powers of negotiation had swayed Heero from joining them. Quatre didn't seem to mind, but he did mention halfway though the evening that his business dealings were heating up, and he had no idea when he'd be able to see her again. At this, Heero smiled.   
  
But at night, their titles were stripped away and they only had to be Heero and Relena until the sun came up again.   
  
She loved touching him. Undressing became pleasure in and of itself as she got to expose every last inch of his powerful body. His skin was only a few shades darker than her own milky-white complexion; he was tan silk over hard muscles. The contrast was stunning, though, when their limbs were entwined. Perhaps the most surprising thing she discovered was the tattoo just below his navel, a twisted mass of thorns. He swore it was Duo's fault for getting him drunk and dragging him into a tattoo parlor two years earlier. She'd merely laughed, kissed it, and kept going until he stopped talking altogether.   
  
He returned the favor a hundred times over; she often got the feeling he was making a mental map of her body. Her ribs are ticklish, this spot makes her whimper when you run your tongue over it, and so on. She didn't mind when he'd lay her out over the sheets and start exploring again. It was easy to forget everything else when he'd find a new place that made her gasp. It was so easy to forget that it couldn't possibly last forever.   
  
And it didn't.   
  
Two weeks later, Relena woke up alone. Heero had warned her that he had an early meeting at Preventer Headquarters, so she wasn't alarmed. She could still see the imprint of his head on the other pillow; she spent the first few minutes of her day with her face buried in it, inhaling his scent.   
  
She could have stayed there all day, but her duties wouldn't wait while she reveled in the aftermath of another amazing night with her lover. Relena smiled and hugged his pillow one last time. As far as she knew right then, there would be another night just like the last around the corner.   
  
Allowing herself a final moment of laziness, she forced herself out of bed, donned a nightgown and robe, and rang down to the kitchen for tea and toast. She stood in front of her dresser's mirror, brushing out her hair while she waited.   
  
The maid entered her room twenty minutes later and screamed. Relena's breakfast tray landed on the carpet in a terrific crash of glass and silver.   
  
The President lay in a similar crumpled heap on the floor.   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	6. Brothers in arms

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. I hope you had a great holiday, and since this will probably be the last time I update in 2003, have a very happy New Year celebration! Take care:)   
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
Millardo saw his sister for the first time in eight years as she was being carried out of the Presidential Manor on a stretcher. It had taken a lot of time, a few credits and a flash of Noin's expired Preventer badge to get their rented car past security; just as they had been granted access, an ambulance had sped past them through the gates, heading for the main house.   
  
Without hesitation, he'd floored it, racing after the emergency vehicle. But they weren't allowed to follow the paramedics inside the massive house. He wanted to shout at Relena's staff and security, to tell them exactly who he was, but that would have been foolish. Millardo Peacecraft was dead to the world and this was no time for a resurrection.   
  
All he could think about when he finally saw her on the gurney was how beautifully she'd grown up. He barely saw the oxygen mask that covered half of her face, or the blood pressure cuff around her arm. His baby sister had turned into a woman and he'd missed it all. And now his worst fear was coming true…that it might really be too late for him to catch up.   
  
Noin held him together in the next few minutes. It was she who found out what hospital Relena was being taken to, and it was she who drove them to the Preventer Medical Bay, a sub building of the main Headquarters complex, where in one of life's great ironies, Dr. Sally Po was on duty.   
  
Sally, being a discreet officer and a good friend, drew no attention to the couple when she saw them waiting in the lobby after she finished her initial examination of the President. If she had questions about their sudden reappearance after so many years, she knew enough to realize they'd be better answered at another time.   
  
"Is she going to be all right?" Noin asked her old friend when she approached them in her scrubs, a grave look on her face.   
  
"She's in and out of consciousness, but when she is awake, she's in a lot of pain. A migraine, she says, but I think it's something more than that." She hesitated. "There are some signs of…sexual…um…trauma." Sally rushed on when Millardo's eyes flew open, enraged. "I'm really hesitant to say much more, though, until her medical records are transferred over from her private doctor, and I get a chance to talk to the President herself."   
  
"What about the poison?" Noin asked, watching her lover with a worried eye.   
  
Sally frowned. "Poison? What are you…?"   
  
"Preventers Wind and Fire." Lady Une's voice cut through their conversation, and all three turned to see her. With her arms crossed over her crisp uniform, she nodded at them. "Welcome home. My sympathies are with your sister. Her illness is most unfortunate. But for the sake of interstellar security, could you please keep whatever information you think you have to yourselves?" She turned her attention to Sally. "Is the President stable enough for transport to another facility?"   
  
"No," Sally replied, coolly.   
  
"Make her stable then."   
  
Millardo forehead gathered into a frown. "Wait just a minute here. I don't give a damn about who's got security clearance and who doesn't. My sister's life has been threatened and I…" He stopped short, staring at something just over Lady Une's shoulder.   
  
Noin followed her lover's stare until she could see what had caught his attention. Heero Yuy had burst through the first set of sliding glass doors leading into the emergency room. He barged through the second and ran straight towards them.   
  
"Where is she?" he demanded. "Where's Relena?"   
  
No one had a chance to answer the frantic youth. Millardo's fist made direct impact with his face a few seconds later. The unexpected blow felled the Perfect Soldier.   
  
****   
  
"Shh! She's coming around."   
  
Relena opened her eyes. The entire world was blurry, but she could just make out a few familiar faces hanging over her. "Dr. Po?" She blinked. "Millardo?"   
  
The brother she hadn't seen in eight years, and hadn't even known existed for the first fifteen of her life looked down at her, his face unreadable. He seemed relieved, but at the same time, confused and furious. "How are you feeling?" he asked her.   
  
She considered the question for a moment. Her head throbbed, her limbs ached and her mouth felt like she'd swallowed a cup of sawdust. "Fine," she replied. "Where am I?"   
  
"Preventer med bay. You've been out for a couple of hours." Millardo cleared his throat. "Relena, you were found unconscious on your floor…and it seems like you might have been…" He stopped, unable to force out the word.   
  
"Been what?" Relena looked around, searching for Sally. "Been what?"   
  
The blonde doctor sighed, thoroughly exasperated with her patient's brother. "All right. I'm going to need a few minutes alone with the President. You should to go tell Lucrezia that she's awake. Also," she subdued a smirk. "Commander Yuy will probably be back from x-ray now. He might like to know, as well."   
  
Relena frowned. "X-ray? What happened to Heero?"   
  
Scowling, Millardo straightened up. "Nothing he didn't have coming for a long time." Awkwardly, he took his sister's hand and raised the back of it to his lips in a brotherly kiss. "Lu and I are here now. You're not alone anymore."   
  
Unsure of how to respond, Relena gave him a small smile. He left a second later, and she let the smile drop. "I have no idea what's going on."   
  
Sally was sympathetic even as she adjusted Relena's IV. "Madam President, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but before I answer them for you, I have a few of my own." She took a breath. "When you first came in, I had to give you a fairly thorough examination. And I found…evidence that you might have been raped. Can you remember anything at all about that?"   
  
"Um…" Relena's face was on fire. "I wasn't raped. I've been…involved with…someone lately. And we…early this morning…" She paused. "He can be a little rough."   
  
"I see. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions," Sally apologized. **And for saying anything about it to your brother.**   
  
Relena rubbed her pink cheek. "Please tell me if something's happened to Heero?"   
  
Her curiosity about who had been sharing the President's bed was sated immediately. She never would have imagined Heero Yuy, the guerilla soldier, and Relena Peacecraft, the world's princess, finding that sort of relationship, but strangely, it seemed almost right.   
  
"He's fine. He took a blow to the face, and we wanted to make sure nothing was broken, that's all. Now, if we could get back to the subject of your health…"   
  
"A blow to the face?" Relena cut her off. "He was hit? By whom?"   
  
Sally sighed. "Let's just say that your brother will never apologize for jumping to conclusions." Her patient put a pale hand to her mouth. "Madam President, I only have a few minutes. They're arranging for you to be transferred to your private facility within the hour. I want to help you, but there's a whole issue of security clearance. Now, I've found some interesting things when I looked at your blood work, but I can't make sense of it without knowing what I'm looking at."   
  
"I can imagine." Taking a deep breath, even though it was hard, Relena closed her eyes and gave the doctor a brief overview of the situation. "Is all of this because of the poison?" she asked at the end, unsure of whether or not she really wanted an answer.   
  
"I think so," Sally answered in a soft voice. "Madam President…from what I can tell, whatever agent was given to you, it's starting to affect numerous systems in your body, including your nervous system, which is why you've been having headaches and muscle weakness. Your immune system also is most likely under attack, which leaves you susceptible to all sorts of things. Colds, fevers, even diseases. Basically…"   
  
"My body is breaking down."   
  
Sally was hesitant, but agreed. "If there's an antidote to this supposedly innocuous half of the poison, it needs to be found soon."   
  
"They're trying…Heero's trying." Relena opened her eyes, letting a few tears escape. "I don't think they've had much luck."   
  
"Then something needs to be done." Sally leaned in. "I understand the reasons for keeping the public in the dark, but if anyone out there has any information, no matter what it might be, it could help us narrow down the pathogen and eliminate it."   
  
"Are you suggesting I make some sort of announcement?"   
  
"It could end up saving your life."   
  
Relena nibbled on her lower lip; Sally's heart went out to her. Right then, the most powerful person in the world was just a frightened woman, too young for the death sentence hanging over her head. But she wasn't one to give into fear. Swallowing, she nodded. "I will. Do you have any suggestions until then?"   
  
"Bed rest." Sally gave her a look. "And I mean actually rest, nothing else that happens in a bed."   
  
"Of course," Relena murmured.   
  
"I really don't know what else to tell you. I could order you to take an indefinite vacation, but I highly doubt you'd do it. I'd imagine I could order Commander Yuy to enforce the vacation, and you still wouldn't do it." The doctor sighed again. "So, all I can ask is that you at least take it easy. It might not seem like it, Madam President, but the world won't destroy itself if you take an hour's nap every day."   
  
Relena smiled softly. "Let's hope not."   
  
"All right, time for me to let you get that rest, because Lady Une is determined to have you moved. I don't think she trusts me."   
  
"I do, Dr. Po. Thank you."   
  
Sally patted Relena's arm. "You're going to get through this. If you ever need anything, you know how to contact me." With another smile, she moved towards the exam room door. "Oh and one more thing. If you do plan to continue having sex, I want you to make sure that you're protected. If you need any help in that arena, I'm here for you also."   
  
Relena's hand drifted back up to her mouth as the doctor departed.   
  
****   
  
His jaw ached, but Heero was far too accustomed to pain to let it bother him. Zechs's punch had been powerful and well-timed, and it might have dropped him, but in the company of the pains he'd endured in his life, it was nothing.   
  
It had taken both Wufei and the newly assigned Trowa to drag him off to x-ray upon Sally Po's command. He could have told them nothing was broken and stayed behind in case Relena woke up, but she'd issued the order as a medic, and he was subject to it. It was a great inconvenience, having to think about something so trivial as a punch from an old enemy while Relena was unconscious.   
  
As he stalked back to the exam rooms with Wufei and Trowa just behind him, Heero balled up his fists. He hadn't spoken a word, except to inquire after Relena, since Lady Une had received the news that Relena had been taken to the med bay in the middle of their meeting. Without waiting for orders, he'd bolted out of the office. Relena had been hurt. And he hadn't been there to stop it.   
  
He licked the corner of his mouth and tasted dried blood. He hadn't seen her yet, but his imagination had drawn such horrible images while he held still for the x-rays that he almost jumped off the table in the middle of the scans. Only his partners just outside the door had kept him in check; he supposed he owed them somewhat. But neither of them could possibly understand the power of his guilt. His only job in the world was to keep Relena safe, and he'd failed.   
  
"Yuy, she's under lock and key. You're not going to be able to see her, so what's the rush?" Wufei called out from behind him.   
  
"I'll get in," he growled back.   
  
"Not with Zechs holding that key." Trowa's voice was a strange addition, but Heero couldn't be upset that the man was there. The more experienced help they had finding the bastards who'd done this to Relena, the better. "He's her family; you're not."   
  
Wufei added, "You're only her bodyguard, and not even officially that."   
  
Heero stopped and turned on his partners. "I'm more than that. She sees me as more than that."   
  
"She's a woman," the Chinese man dared to go on. "Fuck her a few times and she'll start picking out her wedding…"   
  
Wrapping his hand around Wufei's throat, Heero pushed the other man up against the wall. "This is a warning. You only get one."   
  
Completely un-intimidated, Wufei narrowed his eyes. "She's gotten to you, hasn't she?"   
  
With a strangled snarl, Heero released him and continued on his way as though he didn't even exist anymore.   
  
Trowa arched one eyebrow, although it wasn't visible under his curtain of hair. "I think that answers that. I never thought I'd see the day."   
  
"Nothing will come of it. He could never handle the kind of life she'd want." Wufei rubbed his neck.   
  
"I suppose that's…" Trowa trailed off as he caught sight of something down the hall.   
  
Wufei frowned. "What?" He turned his head to follow his partner's gaze. Quatre Winner stood at the end of the hallway, a massive bouquet of flowers in his hands. He hadn't noticed them; he was apparently searching for a particular room. "Well. Looks like now all we'll need is Maxwell to drop by to have ourselves a reunion."   
  
His voice caught Quatre's attention and the blonde man glanced over at them. When he froze in a similar position as Trowa, Wufei shook his head. "I'll be in our office. Doing actual work."   
  
Trowa barely noticed him storm off. Something compelled him to move forward, and keep moving forward. Quatre did the same, but with even more hesitancy.   
  
"Trowa," he broke the silence that had amassed between them. "It's been a long time."   
  
"It has been."   
  
Quatre cleared his throat. "You look good. I mean…you look…well."   
  
"You too."   
  
"You're back with the Preventers?" He shook his head. "Of course you are. The uniform. So…you left the circus?"   
  
"It was time," Trowa said.   
  
"And…Catherine didn't mind?"   
  
Trowa lowered his eyes for a moment. "She's always been understanding." He paused. "She did understand, you know. It wasn't her who…"   
  
"I know," Quatre interrupted. "It was you. Believe me, I got the message back then, and I haven't forgotten it."   
  
He almost winced at the bitterness that had overcome the other man. "It was me. But it wasn't what you think. I wasn't…ashamed of…"   
  
"Listen, this isn't the best place in the world to have this conversation." Quatre looked at the flowers in his arms. "I'm just here to visit a friend."   
  
"Relena Peacecraft?"   
  
The blond man nodded. "So, if you'll excuse me…"   
  
"Quatre." Trowa reached out and caught the sleeve of his expensive suit before he could leave. "I never wanted to hurt you."   
  
"Sleep easy, Trowa. You didn't." His smile was rueful. "You're not the only one who made a mistake back then." Extracting himself from the taller man's grip, Quatre turned and walked away, just as Trowa had four years earlier after a night neither of them could seem to forget.   
  
****   
  
It was true that Millardo had heavy security around Relena's exam room, but it was hardly sufficient to stave off a determined Heero. It only took one guard turning his back for one moment to give him plenty of time to slip into the room.   
  
What he saw made him stop short. Relena was asleep, her hair brilliant gold against the crisp white hospital sheets. She was curled up on her side and attached to another IV; she didn't wake when he entered. His hard expression relaxed; she didn't appear to be in any pain at the moment. But he had no idea what she'd gone through after he'd left for his meeting, a mistake he never planned on making again. He'd been foolish to think that leaving her in the warmth of their shared bed for any amount of time would be all right. She wasn't glass and she wouldn't break without him, but she still needed him.   
  
**And you need her.**   
  
He walked to the bed and looked down at the woman who'd become such a huge part of his life. So much had changed since the last time they'd been in the hospital like this. He'd changed. She'd changed him.   
  
"Relena," he whispered.   
  
Her eyelashes fluttered and lifted. "Hi," she whispered back. "Is your face all right?"   
  
"Don't worry about me. Tell me what's going on."   
  
She lifted one shoulder slightly. "I fainted again. Dr. Po thinks it's the poison." Relena's eyes watered. "It's doing something to me, Heero. Something they didn't expect."   
  
He held his tongue, not wanting to upset her further by suggesting that perhaps this was the perpetrator's intent all along. "Nothing is going to happen to you. They want you alive, Relena."   
  
"I think so, too." Her voice was stronger now. "Which is why…I've decided to announce my condition to the public." Before he could protest, she held up her hand as much as she could. "If they think I'm dying, it might make them speak up. And that would give you more to go on. The investigation…it's at a standstill, isn't it?"   
  
"Yeah," he replied, unable to lie to her. "The trail is cold."   
  
Relena closed her eyes for a moment. "This is the best way, Heero. I can't hide from this forever."   
  
"All right," he said after a moment. "I don't like it, but you're right."   
  
"Will you be with me when I give the speech?"   
  
He nodded, and then, realizing her eyes were still closed, gave her a simple, "Yes."   
  
"My brother is here now. Once the press finds out, they'll be permanently camped on my doorstep, even more so than they usually are. There won't be much time for us to…" She opened her eyes and sought his hand. "I feel like I'll be losing something I just found."   
  
"You won't." Heero held her hand within both of his. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't care what anyone thinks or says."   
  
"I don't want to care either." She looked straight at him without reserve. "I love you, Heero. And that's enough for now." Relena settled back into the stiff pillow, her eyes drooping once more. "We can make it enough for now."   
  
Her breathing evened out after only a few moments and Heero laid her hand back down onto the bed. He could watch her sleep forever. With more tenderness than he'd ever exercised in his life, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto her forehead.   
  
"Unless you want matching bruises, I suggest you get away from my sister."   
  
Heero straightened up, but didn't turn around. "I owe you for the first, but this isn't the time or the place."   
  
"I said get away from her. You're not good enough to be around her." Millardo's voice was low and cutting.   
  
"And I say, who are you to give orders where Relena is concerned?" Heero glanced over his shoulder, his eyes gleaming dangerously. "You gave up the right to brotherly protectiveness when you tried to kill everything she stands for."   
  
Millardo folded his arms across his grey shirt. "I can make up for my past mistakes."   
  
"And I'll just keep making more?" Heero shrugged. "Probably. She doesn't seem to mind."   
  
"You've always interrupted the flow of her common sense," he replied through gritted teeth. "What else have you done to her?" Heero said nothing. "Have you wormed your way into her bed? Made her fall even more in love with you? Built her up with all sorts of promises you have absolutely no intention of keeping?"   
  
"What happens between me and Relena stays between me and Relena."   
  
Millardo shook his head. "You have no idea how much you could fuck up her life and her career, do you? All it takes is one reporter getting a clue, or god forbid, snapping a picture of you two even looking at each other…and that's it. They'd eat her alive. The soiled golden princess." Snorting, Heero looked away. "If there's any small piece of your black heart that cares about her, you'll end it. Before she winds up paying for it for the rest of her life."   
  
He looked down at Relena. The shiny strands of her hair, the pale rose of her lips, the cream of her complexion…she was everyone's vision of an angel. If her brother was right, and it was found out that she'd let him have her like a whore in a gutter, that image would be gone forever. He wanted to touch her, but there were already too many stains from his hands.   
  
Heero's palms curled up before he gave in and reached for her anyway. He released them and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. "She loves me. And I…"   
  
There was a hesitant knock on the door. A moment later it opened, revealing Quatre, half hidden behind a mass of orchids. "Have I come at a bad time?" he asked.   
  
"Not at all," Millardo said, not entirely pleasantly. "Commander Yuy was just going."   
  
As Quatre entered, Heero looked at him before shaking his head, thoroughly disgusted. "I've had just about all I can take from…"   
  
The door opened again and Noin appeared. "They're coming to transfer Relena. Have you all managed to keep from spilling any blood?"   
  
"Barely, from the look of things," Quatre replied.   
  
Millardo took his girlfriend's hand. "Everything's fine."   
  
She pursed her lips. "I don't believe you."   
  
The door opened again and Lady Une entered along with Sally and an orderly pushing a wheelchair. "Is the President asleep?" she asked, unnecessarily as all she had to do was look at her to find out. Une's eyes narrowed. "Why are there so many people in here? Does security mean nothing to anyone?"   
  
"There's no point in it anymore," Heero told her. "Relena is going to make a public announcement about her condition."   
  
"Oh, she is, is she?" Une looked at Sally as the woman removed Relena's IV. Her patient frowned and flinched in pain, but didn't wake up. "I wonder where she got an idea like that."   
  
Sally began bandaging the President's wrist. "I have no idea, ma'am."   
  
"Never mind for now. There are already reporters out there who followed the ambulance from the mansion. We need to get her out of here without making the evening news. Can everyone handle that?"   
  
In response to his commanding officer, Heero gently scooped Relena up from the bed. She stirred, nestling her cheek against his shoulder. "There's a back entrance. Bring her car around." He walked straight past the wheelchair and stopped at the door, waiting for it to be opened.   
  
Quatre reached for the door's handle. "You've got her?" he asked softly. The question had nothing to do with the other man's grip on the President.   
  
Heero inclined his head. "I've got her."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	7. When I need you

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. Simple as that.  
  
Author's Notes: I hope the new year is treating you well! Enjoy this new chapter, and thanks for all the wonderful reviews!  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"Can I get you anything, babe? I mean it…anything. Name it and it's yours. Ice cream, pillows, foot massage." Duo rubbed his wife's lower back in slow, gentle circles. "Hilde-baby?"   
  
The petite woman drew in several short breaths and expelled them all at once. Four hours into labor and she was already more than ready to grab the forceps and pull the kid out herself. Unfortunately, it seemed like the entire process had only barely begun.   
  
"Duo, I love you more than anyone in the world. But if you don't stop chattering in my ear, I will fix it so you can never father another child ever again!"   
  
He blinked, but took the outburst in stride. She was in pain, more than she was willing to admit. What had started out as a few cramps after breakfast had escalated into gripping contractions every twenty minutes that seemed to get worse every time.   
  
"I'm sorry, babe. I'll try to be quiet."   
  
Perhaps it was hormones, or how unbelievably wonderful he was, even when she was in her current state, but Hilde began to cry. "Duo, this is all really scary!"   
  
"I know." He wrapped his arms around her, rocking gently. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. And we're gonna do this."   
  
Hilde sniffed against his shoulder. "Easy for you to say."   
  
"Yeah." Grinning, Duo gave her a soft kiss. "You look beautiful, babe."   
  
"Liar. But I love you for it." She wiped her cheeks and pointed to the TV. "I need a distraction."   
  
"I'm not a good distraction?" he protested.   
  
"I need my soaps."   
  
Kissing her again, he reached for the TV's remote and flicked it on. Hilde wasn't usually the soap-opera kind of woman, but since she'd been ordered out of working at the metal shop early on in her pregnancy by her doctor, she'd had a lot of free time to get hooked on the shows. He found her favorite quickly, coming into a hot and heavy love scene with lots of candles and saxophone music.   
  
"Don't do it, Meredith!" Hilde called out to the half-naked woman on screen. She put a hand on her belly. "It's not worth the pain!!!"   
  
Duo switched channels. "Let's find something a little less exciting." He stopped on another show, this time interrupting a cat-fight between two well-dressed women. "Now, here's something I can get into! Chicks slapping chicks."   
  
"Careful, Maxwell," Hilde scowled.   
  
He spread his hands in protest. "What? What did I do? Really, babe, I'm an innocent…"   
  
"We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for a special news update."   
  
Duo glanced up at the TV again. "Look, you jinxed it!!" Hilde rolled her eyes.   
  
"Good afternoon. I'm Marcus Wake at the L2 News Center where we have just received word that in only a few minutes, President Relena Peacecraft will be making a public statement from the Presidential Mansion on Earth. The press release we were given was vague, but it is believed that the President's speech is personal, rather than political, certainly an abnormality in an otherwise private administration."   
  
Her labor pains forgotten, Hilde frowned at the TV. "Relena never discusses her personal life with the public. No exceptions."   
  
"I know." Duo nudged the volume up, his own frown giving away his worry.   
  
"We go live now to the Presidential Mansion. The President of the Earth Space United Nations, Relena Peacecraft."   
  
The anchorman was quickly replaced by a live feed from the mansion's press room. There was a blank podium that bore the president's seal as well as the microphones from over a dozen different news sources. After a moment, Relena stepped up to the podium; she faced the continuous flashes from the reporter's cameras with a practiced eye.   
  
"She looks so pale," Hilde commented. "You don't suppose she's sick or something?"   
  
"Good afternoon," Relena began after delicately clearing her throat. "I have had many difficult duties as President, but the responsibility of issuing this press statement is perhaps the most personally trying of my career thus far." After a breath, she went on. "In recent weeks, a threat against the administration and my life has been instigated by parties unknown. And while our Preventers are employing their limitless resources and skills to find the perpetrators, this threat has begun to adversely affect my health." Relena braced herself with the sides of the podium. "In my body, there is currently one half of a poison that was meant to do me no harm until the other half was introduced. Unfortunately, it has reacted badly with my systems and they have started…to fail."   
  
Hilde let out a little gasp; Duo blinked several times.   
  
"I'm making this information public with a two-fold purpose. I will not resign the presidency while I am still capable of holding the position, but many of my more strenuous responsibilities will fall to my vice president, and I appreciate his cooperation and support very much." She paused for a moment. "My second purpose is far more selfish. I make an appeal now to anyone involved in the plot against my life or anyone who knows even the slightest bit about it. Whatever poison you gave me is not working in the way in which you intended it to. And if something isn't done soon, I could very well die before your intent is carried through. Please, if you know anything, contact the Preventers, anonymously if you so desire." She looked at the camera with watery eyes. "Thank you. I'm sorry I won't be able to take any questions, but my press secretary will be more than happy to do so."   
  
With that, Relena stepped down from the podium. Heero appeared from off-camera in his pressed, olive-colored uniform; he put an arm around her to guide her away.   
  
Duo muted the TV, and the room was completely silent for a long moment. "She's dying," he finally said.   
  
Hilde's tears fell in steady streams down her flushed cheeks. "She's being so brave. I can't believe it…political bullshit aside, how could anyone ever try to kill her?! She's the nicest person in the entire world!!"   
  
"The best outta all of us, for sure." Duo's chin rested on his chest. "There isn't such a thing as justice; Wufei can go fuck his justice." His fists were tight balls around the metal sides of Hilde's bed. "If she dies, everything I did…every person I killed, every life I destroyed, everything…it'll be for nothing, babe. Nothing."   
  
"Please don't say that, Duo." Ignoring her tears, she pried his hands off the bars and put them on her stomach. "Heero was there with her. He won't let her die."   
  
Her husband bent over until he could lay his cheek on the mound of his child. He'd meet the little person soon, but at that moment all he could do was wonder…how could he bring a child into a world without fairness, justice, or peace? Of course, he reasoned, it was a little late to be thinking about that. In true Maxwell fashion, he decided to think about something else. "You really think he loves her, don't you?"   
  
"I do. Whether he's figured it out yet or not…he does." She drew in a huge breath; her entire body tensed up. "Contraction…"   
  
Duo's head shot up. "Breathe, baby, breathe."   
  
"Trying…" After a moment, she looked at him. "I want to go see her. When the baby can travel. I know we're not close or anything, but she is a friend. And I think she might need as many of them as she can get."   
  
"Whatever you want, babe." He kissed the back of her hand. "Like I could say 'no' right now. It would be hazardous to my health."   
  
The laboring woman nodded. "Good boy. Now get me that epidural guy before things get really ugly."   
  
****   
  
It was done and over with and Relena was glad for it.   
  
In the privacy of her bedroom, she changed out of the linen suit she'd worn in front of the cameras and into a pair of Heero's boxer shorts and one of his shirts. The maid in charge of doing laundry had accidentally mixed them into Relena's wash, a happy mistake as far as Relena was concerned. If she couldn't sleep with Heero under her brother's watchful eye, she could at least be close to him this way.   
  
She hadn't realized how much she'd become addicted to making love with Heero in only two weeks. But now, after another two weeks had passed by while she prepared both professionally and personally for the press conference, she found herself missing him as though one of her own limbs had been severed. He still stayed just down the hall and he still watched her with a bodyguard's eye, but Relena was growingly steadily frustrated with his failure to show up in her room, night after night. She wanted what they'd had. She wanted him. And if that made her a whore in her brother's eyes, so be it.   
  
With a sigh, Relena sat on her bed and examined the neat row of pill bottles that adorned her nightstand. Drugs meant to boost her immune system, ward off migraines, help her regain her energy, and then more drugs to keep the other drugs from making her retain water, get nauseous, or fall into depression. It made her head spin, but she dutifully opened each bottle, shook out one pill and swallowed it with the help of a glass of water.   
  
She was just taking the last one when there was a knock on her door. "Who is it?"   
  
"It's me…Lucrezia."   
  
"Come in."   
  
Her brother's girlfriend, the woman who had helped her through several difficult points during the war, entered with a smile on her face. "I came to check on you before you got into bed."   
  
"I appreciate it, but really, I'm fine." Relena drank the rest of her water and set the glass aside. "I feel like a junkie, though."   
  
Noin nodded sympathetically. "But a very classy junkie." She paused. "Millardo is worried about you. He's afraid the press conference took too much out of you."   
  
"Assure him that his sister is made of tougher stuff than that." Relena pulled her bare legs onto the bed and tucked them under her chin like a child.   
  
"Do you want to talk about anything?" the older woman asked. "It's not official, but I do consider you as, well, a sister, Relena. I hope you might think the same of me someday."   
  
Relena smiled softly. "I can see that happening. You're very good for my brother. And after everything…he deserves something good." She tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a second. "Are you at all religious?"   
  
"Catholic by birth," Noin replied. "But it's been years."   
  
"For me, as well. Heero doesn't believe in god; he believes in the philosophy of living a true life, because that's all you're guaranteed. One life."   
  
Fighting back a small smile, Noin asked, "What do you believe?"   
  
"I don't know. I've never wanted to think about it. It's far easier to immerse myself in trade agreements and border disputes. But now…" She shook her head. "I feel like I *have* to formulate at least a vague idea."   
  
"You don't have to do anything, Relena." She stepped forward and reached out to touch the younger woman's smooth cheek. "You will have many years to consider life and what comes after it."   
  
Relena closed her eyes. Noin's touch was soothing, but her words were mere platitudes. "You're right, of course. I'm sorry…the anti-depression drugs seem to be having the opposite effect on me."   
  
"Don't apologize. Whenever you need to talk about whatever, I'm here for you. As is your brother. He might seem unreasonable, but in his own, unique way, he loves you very…"   
  
Without warning, the door opened and Heero entered the room, making Relena's heart miss at least one beat. Upon seeing Noin, he froze.   
  
Noin glanced back and forth between Heero's blank face and Relena's hopeful one. Clearing her throat, she nodded at the young man. "Good evening, Commander Yuy. Have you come to check on the President, as well?"   
  
Heero blinked. "Yes. Of course."   
  
"In that case, I don't see why Zechs should ever even hear about this." Noin moved towards the door. "However, I would advise that you both use discretion. He's a wonderful man, but there are some things he just can't handle." Giving them both a smile, she slipped out of the room.   
  
Relena stood up on knees shaky with anticipation. "Did you really only come to check on me?"   
  
"No," Heero replied. "Relena, I…"   
  
"Shh." She beckoned to him with one finger. "Come here." When he was right up against her, Relena pushed his uniform jacket off of his shoulders. "I need you." She kissed him as she tugged the jacket the rest of the way off.   
  
"Relena...wait..." Heero pulled her away to arm's length. "You need rest."   
  
"No." She attacked his tie, loosening it and stripping it away. "I told you what I need." His shirt buttons were next; Relena undid them one by one. "You."   
  
"Listen to me." He grabbed her hands just as she reached the last one. "I'm not going to put you in the hospital again just so we can fuck."   
  
She winced at the harsh words. "Whatever you want to call it, I need it, Heero. I feel so dead already." Relena looked down at the carpet, fighting back tears. "I need to feel like I'm still alive."   
  
"Relena..."   
  
Her head snapped back up. "Please, Heero. Please."   
  
Her eyes were wet, her lips were moist and she smelled like fresh flowers after the rain. He couldn't do it. He couldn't walk away from her. With sigh that was more of a groan, Heero hauled her against his body and buried his face in her hair. "What the hell have you done to me?"   
  
She didn't get to answer. He took her lips roughly, conquering her tongue with his; he clutched her slender body as though he were drowning. After a moment, he jerked away, his eyes tightly shut. "Too rough…I'm always too rough with you." Heero looked back at her. "Not this time." He reached out and cupped her face in his hands. When his lips touched hers again, the furious drive gave way to gentle need.   
  
Relena whimpered involuntarily. He wasn't going to fuck her this time. This time they would make love.   
  
Still kissing her softly, but deeply, Heero lowered her to the bed. He let one hand trail down her side as he held himself up over her. She gasped when his skillful fingers slipped beneath the waistband of his own shorts. He tugged them down her shapely legs and broke their kiss as he tossed them aside. Relena swallowed. Although he knew every inch of her, she felt exposed to the new and very raw emotions emanating from his eyes.   
  
"Take off your shirt," he instructed, his voice unusually hoarse.   
  
She sat up on her elbows. "You first."   
  
Heero was nothing if not efficient. Within seconds, he finished the job she had started and looked down at her, expectantly. Relena smiled and sat up all the way. Slowly, teasingly, she crossed her arms over her stomach and grasped the hem of his shirt. She pulled it off just as slowly, exposing her chest to his hungry stare inch by inch. Finally, she discarded it and lay back on the bed, her hand drifting up to cover one rosy crest.   
  
He'd never gotten a sweeter invitation. Heero dove for her breast, temporarily forgetting all about being gentle. It was only when she cried out in mixed pleasure and pain that he remembered himself. "I'm sorry," he whispered around her nipple. He licked lightly, but insistently, making her moan. By the time he moved to the other side, she was writhing beneath him, her hair tangling against the sheets.   
  
Relena closed her eyes when his kisses began trailing down her sensitive stomach. She was a woman who looked for silver linings. And if being poisoned had one, this had to be it. Heero reached the center of her body and it didn't take much coaxing for her legs to open to him. He kissed her sex through a damp layer of cotton; she bit her lip hard. Why did it have to be so wonderful? Why couldn't it have *not* lived up to her dreams? If it hadn't, there would be no pain when the goodbyes came.   
  
And they would come. They always did.   
  
Heero peeled off her last remaining article of clothing. Already more than ready for him, she was juicier than a peach and twice as sweet, he idly thought. He wanted to take his time. He wanted to make her come over and over again until she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how he felt about her.   
  
But it wasn't what she wanted right then. Frantically, Relena urged him back up. When his hips were settled between her legs again, she reached for his belt buckle. "Hurry, Heero." She yanked off the belt and tore at his buttons and zipper. "Please…"   
  
More than a little puzzled, he tried to help her, but she was on a mission of her own. He didn't like the tears in the corners of her eyes; they worried him. They made him want to know exactly what she was thinking, and if it was anything bad, he wanted to erase it forever, so she'd never have anything but contentment.   
  
As she pushed his pants down his hips, Heero shook his head. She really had ruined the Perfect Soldier forever.   
  
"Now, Heero." Her fingers wrapped around him as if to confirm that he was ready, too. She didn't have to guide him. He already knew the way to get home.   
  
Her breathless sigh mixed with his groan as he sank into her. Relena wanted as much of him as possible; she folded her legs around his hips, smiling at the exquisite feeling. What had hurt so much at first was now nothing but pure pleasure. She looked down the length of their bodies. He disappeared into her, mixed with her. If   
  
they couldn't be joined at the heart, at least they had this.   
  
The thought made a single tear slip down her cheek. Heero frowned and shifted onto his elbow to catch the shiny droplet with the tip of his finger. "What's this for?" he asked, huskily.   
  
"I don't know," she whispered. "I just…" Her throat closed up; why did words fail her when she needed them the most? "I love you so much."   
  
Heero's gentle thrusts slowed. He looked down at her for a long moment. "Does this make you feel alive?"   
  
She nodded. "Yeah." The word came out on an exhale as he moved and hit just the right spot deep within her.   
  
He gave her a soft kiss. "You make me feel alive."   
  
When she woke up in the morning, he was gone with nothing but a note next to her pillow to indicate that he had been there at all.   
  
**You are alive.   
  
Don't give up on me.   
  
Heero**   
  
****  
  
To Be Continued 


	8. Didn't we almost have it all?

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: Sorry for the lateness of this chapter! Thank you everyone who have been hanging on with this story. I hope it's worth it, and will continue to be so;)  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
"The key to finding the perps is how the poison was administered." Wufei paced back and forth in front of the conference table, his hands folded behind his back. He looked almost comical, although no one in the room was laughing. "If we can trace it to a source, we'll have a much better shot at tracking down the source of the source."   
  
Trowa's green eyes skimmed over the discouragingly thin folder that cased the few pieces of information they'd gathered on the case. "Assuming that an airborne agent would be too difficult to control…"   
  
"We assume nothing," Lady Une told him, quite firmly.   
  
"Then we have nothing." Heero ran his hands through his hair. "Relena can't remember anything she did that was out of the ordinary in the time leading up to the initial note."   
  
"You've gone back over her schedule?"   
  
"I have," Wufei answered for his partner. "Nothing special. Meetings, briefings, a few dates, some charity functions, including…"   
  
"Dates?"   
  
Trowa glanced at Heero whose entire demeanor had suddenly darkened. "Does that surprise you?" He returned his attention to his report. "She has political power and a great set of legs."   
  
"Leave her legs out of your thoughts, Barton."   
  
"Why should he?" Wufei challenged. "Just because you've recently decided they're worth a second look?"   
  
Une held up her hands before Heero could react. "Grow up, boys, or get the hell out of my organization." She stood. "Yuy, you go over her schedule with her once more." She hesitated as though she wanted to say more.   
  
"What?" Heero prompted, still glaring at Trowa who didn't appear to notice or care.   
  
"Dr. Po is worried about something. She's calling the President in for blood tests today." Une moved to the door. "This isn't a good time to start bickering like children."   
  
A moment of silence passed after their commanding officer left. Finally, Trowa spoke. "You should be with her."   
  
"Relena can make it through a few tests without me."   
  
He closed the file folder and set it aside. "Where exactly did you spend last night, Heero?"   
  
"Go to hell."   
  
Wufei shook his head. "Unnecessary question, Barton. There's lipstick on his neck." Heero's hand shot to his throat. "Other side."   
  
"Where I sleep is none of your damn concern."   
  
Trowa nodded. "Probably not."   
  
"I disagree," Wufei injected. "You're too close to the center of our mission. Your judgment is blurred, and it will inevitably affect important decisions you might be called upon to make."   
  
"You don't think that by falling for his ward, the guardian's protection isn't swayed, but intensified?"   
  
"Falling? Who said I was falling?" Heero scowled.   
  
"I think that there's a necessary wall between us and the people we work for. And you can't fuck around that wall."   
  
"As ever, Chang, you are the soul of tact."   
  
Heero started for the door. "I'm sick of listening to the two of you discuss my life as if it was yours to run."   
  
"Just why are you sleeping with her, anyway?" Wufei called out. "You're not the type to lead a woman on. And it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life as Mr. Relena Peacecraft."   
  
"You're right. I don't." With his hand on the door, Heero snorted softly. "That's a role for Quatre, not me."   
  
It was Trowa's voice this time that grew cold. "Quatre has a thing for the President?"   
  
Heero ignored his question. "I don't see much of a life for myself. Maybe I just want to spend whatever's left of it with someone who loves me." He pulled the door open. "Repeat that to Maxwell, and I will bury you where no one will ever find you."   
  
****   
  
Quatre had taken up temporary residence at the most expensive hotel in the capital city. It took Trowa approximately five seconds to locate him, and only thirty minutes to arrive at his door, having absolutely no idea what had driven him there.   
  
He rested his forehead on the brocade-covered wall. He should have never taken Heero's wartime advice about following emotions to heart. At least, if he was going to at all, he should have done it consistently. If he had, he might not be standing in this decadent hallway, working up the courage to talk the man who'd had the greatest influence on his life thus far.   
  
The man he'd crushed with one, emotionless act.   
  
Trowa could still remember what it felt like to wake up next to Quatre's warm body even though he'd only done it once. It was like every demon that plagued him had been laid to rest in that moment, and all he'd felt was pure contentment. He'd loved and been loved by an angel in the night.   
  
Quatre had whispered that word repeatedly. Love. He'd wanted to believe that it was just the thoughtless things people say when pleasure wipes everything else away. He hadn't wanted to acknowledge the fact that he'd felt it, too. Felt it, but hadn't said it.   
  
Maybe that had made it easier to get dressed and leave before Quatre even woke up.   
  
A maid passed by with her cleaning cart, shaking Trowa back into the present. He swallowed, gathered his courage, and knocked on the heavy oak door.   
  
Minutes passed. Trowa stood still, waiting. Just when he was about to give up, the door opened. Quatre held it open with his foot and crossed his arms over his blue sweater. The sleeves were too big, making him look painfully young.   
  
"I was debating whether or not I was ready to talk to you," he explained, his voice slightly hoarse.   
  
Trowa nodded. "Can I come in?"   
  
The room was ornately furnished, much like the dozen mansions Quatre called home. The bed hadn't been made up yet; the sheets were rumpled, the pillows cast aside. Quatre never used them. He remembered Quatre's comment that night about how strange it was to put his head on something to sleep, and even stranger that it was someone's chest.   
  
The last time he'd been alone in a room with a bed with the blonde man, they hadn't been able to stop themselves from tumbling into it.   
  
"It's all right," Quatre said, as though he could read Trowa's very thoughts. "I have no plans to 'jump' you. I respect your choices."   
  
"About that so-called choice…"   
  
"You don't have to explain, you know. You didn't then, and you don't now." Quatre moved across the room towards the tiny bar. "Do you want something to drink?"   
  
"It's early."   
  
He shrugged. "It's late on L4." After fixing himself his usual, a gin and tonic easy on the gin, Quatre took a fortifying sip. "What brings you here?"   
  
"We need to talk."   
  
"About?"   
  
"Us."   
  
Quatre smiled around the rim of his glass. "There is no 'us,' Trowa."   
  
He took a few steps closer to the bar. "There was."   
  
"Once." Sea-green eyes flashed, uncharacteristically. "No more."   
  
"Quatre, you don't understand what…"   
  
"I understand perfectly. I read the note." He set down his glass. "How did it go? Forgive me if I misquote you; it's been a few years." Quatre paused before beginning. "'I made a mistake. This isn't what I want. I'm going back to Catherine. Find someone else.' Did I leave anything out?"   
  
"No." Trowa glanced down at the carpet. "That was pretty much it."   
  
Watching him, Quatre shook his head. "It took me a very long time to come to terms with that note, Trowa. But I did. I learned, with the help of understanding friends, that I couldn't expect you to be something you're not."   
  
"Something I'm not."   
  
"Gay," Quatre clarified. "One time, a homosexual does not make."   
  
"Does that go for you, too?" Trowa wondered out loud. "Or are you sniffing around the President purely to antagonize Heero?"   
  
Quatre looked away. "Relena is my friend. But if I weren't what I am, I'd have asked her to marry me a long time ago." A moment passed. "Look, Trowa, I hold no grudges. I'm not even holding on to any lingering feelings. And I've never told anyone about that night." He put his finger against his lips. "Your secret is safe. You can go now."   
  
"Is that what you want? For me to go?"   
  
"I never really got a choice in the matter until now, did I?"   
  
Something snapped inside Trowa's chest. Maybe it was the bitterness in a man who should never feel its sting, or the shadow of hurt in the eyes that had once looked up at him with passion and love. He didn't know. But he found himself lashing out. "What was I supposed to do?! Keep on dirtying you with my sins?"   
  
"That dirty hands routine is already licensed by Heero."   
  
"You have no idea…" Trowa's head swayed back and forth. "No idea how hard it was to leave that morning when all I wanted was to…touch you…just once…just once more."   
  
Quatre closed his eyes. "And you have no idea how much I wish I could believe that."   
  
"I wasn't running back to Catherine, Quatre." Trowa reached the bar. "Even though that's where I went."   
  
"And she really didn't have any problem with your experimentations?"   
  
Reaching out, Trowa touched Quatre's chin, f orcing his eyes open. "You know that's not what I was doing that night."   
  
"Then what did happen that night? Besides really great sex."   
  
His long fingers caressed the perfect line of Quatre's clean-shaven jaw. "You woke up things inside of me…that I'd never let myself acknowledge. And that's what I ran away from. Not you."   
  
Quatre pulled away abruptly. "You'd better go. With the alcohol and all, I'm not sure I can keep that promise not to jump you."   
  
"I'm not going anywhere."   
  
"Yes, you are." The shorter man pointed to the door. "Go. Give me some time to think."   
  
With much hesitation, Trowa walked back to the door. "I will be back."   
  
Quatre picked up his glass, but didn't drink. "You have things to think about, too, Trowa. Don't do this just because you feel guilty about leaving me. I've gotten along fine without you."   
  
"Guilt," Trowa began as he opened the door. "Hasn't given me a hard-on every day for four years."   
  
****   
  
"Should I be nervous about this?" Relena asked as Sally fixed a rubber tourniquet around the bend of her elbow.   
  
"I thought needles didn't bother you."   
  
"Not the needle. Whatever tests you're performing. The urine sample and now the blood…what else could possibly be wrong with me?" She glanced away when the needle pierced her skin. Even though it didn't bother her, she still didn't like seeing it.   
  
Sally extracted the needle after drawing a sufficient amount of blood. "Hopefully, nothing. I just want to check something out." She bandaged Relena's arm and smiled at her. "Stay here. I'm going to go down to the lab. We should have the results in just a few minutes."   
  
Relena sighed and bent her arm back and forth, testing it. Sally was good; she hardly felt any pain.   
  
The request to come down to the Med Bay had worried her, which was why she hadn't wasted any time getting there. She'd driven herself. Contrary to popular belief, she could do something as simple as operate a vehicle. All right, there hadn't been a bodyguard with her, but it wasn't like anyone could get around the house's security to do anything to her car, like plant a bomb or mess with the brakes. And even if they could have, what good would a bodyguard have done in that situation? She sighed.   
  
"Heero's going to kill me when he finds out."   
  
"Finds out what?"   
  
She jumped at least three inches on the examination table. "Oh my god, Heero! That's it! I'm putting a cow bell on you!!"   
  
He came all the way into the room. "What's going on, Relena? Has Sally told you anything?"   
  
"Nothing. She just took some blood." His expression was worried, and her heart melted a little more. "I'm sure she's just being thorough. I feel fine." A blush tinted her cheeks. "After last night, better than fine."   
  
Heero approached the table, resting his hands on her knees. Face to face, he murmured, "Good."   
  
"Your note…" In her lap, Relena's hands shook. "I won't, Heero. I couldn't ever give up on…"   
  
He stopped her with a soul-searing kiss. As they kissed, his hands skimmed up the length of her smooth thighs underneath her skirt. "I know," he finally said.   
  
Relena leaned forward and laid her cheek on his shoulder. Her legs parted naturally and Heero pulled her closer to his chest. "Can we always be just like this?"   
  
He replied by wrapping his arms around her slender body. Her hair smelled sweetly floral; he inhaled deeply. "Right now, Relena. That's the only thing anyone can promise."   
  
Sally found them still embracing when she reentered the room twenty minutes later. Tapping the edge of her clipboard against the stainless steel counter, she caught their attention. "Results are back."   
  
Heero pulled away, but kept Relena close. "For what kind of test?"   
  
The doctor folded her arms around the thin, wooden board. "Relena, when was your last period, again?"   
  
"Um…the beginning of last month. Why do you…" She stopped cold. "No."   
  
"Yes," Sally corrected her.   
  
Heero wasn't a slow man, but he was slow to catch on. "Yes, what?"   
  
"Yes, Relena is pregnant." Sally winked at him. "Yes, you're going to be a father."   
  
The clock on the wall ticked off several minutes before Relena's soft voice broke the silence. "No. He won't be."   
  
****   
  
A baby.   
  
Heero stared at a place just over Sally's shoulder, but his eyes saw nothing. A baby meant he would be a father. A father. Of all things.   
  
He closed his eyes. He knew there had to be a hundred practical thoughts he should be having, but all he could think about was a little person with Relena's eyes and his hair, beaming up at him with its mother's smile.   
  
It should have terrified him. What really scared him was that it didn't.   
  
But then, Relena spoke.   
  
"No. He won't be."   
  
Heero's eyes opened and he looked back at her. "Relena?"   
  
She couldn't stop her tears under the weight of his stare. "Oh god…please don't hate me, Heero."   
  
Visibly stunned, Sally backed up a few steps. "I should give you two a moment…"   
  
"No, wait." Relena held out her hand. "Dr. Po…Sally, you have to understand. All my life I've wanted to be a mother." She smiled weakly. "A mother to Heero's children." His Adam's apple visibly bobbed as he swallowed. "But this isn't…it's not the right…" She stopped. "Do you see?"   
  
Sally set aside her clipboard. "Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be my choice to make. I'll be just down the hall in case you need me."   
  
Once she was gone, Heero stepped away from the exam table upon which Relena still sat. "I don't see. So explain it."   
  
Relena pushed the tears off her cheeks although they were still coming at a steady pace. "Let's say I keep the baby. What happens if four or five months from now, whoever poisoned me resurfaces and makes a demand?"   
  
"I track them down."   
  
"Stop thinking like a soldier and start thinking like a father," she snapped. "You know I wouldn't give in to terrorist demands if only my own life was at stake." Relena touched her belly. "But if it wasn't only my life in danger…"   
  
Heero walked to the other side of the room, keeping his back to her. "I see now." He paused. "We should have been more careful."   
  
She nodded, but he couldn't see it. "I can't give them this kind of leverage over me. No matter…" Her steady tone cracked. "No matter how much I want…" Sobs overtook her words.   
  
He turned back around abruptly. She was bent over at the waist, clutching her stomach. Her hair cascaded all around her face. He stepped forward, his first instinct to go to her. To comfort her. But something held him back.   
  
"Relena. Don't cry." Heero reached for a tissue box on the counter and drew out a few sheets for her. "If this is your decision, it's the right one."   
  
She peered at him from behind her long bangs as she reached for them. "It's not only my decision, Heero. Half of it is yours."   
  
The clear picture he had in his mind of their baby faded and was replaced with cold reality. He wasn't a family man. Obviously some higher power was trying to make that as clear as possible. "I think…" He looked up at the harsh overhead light. "I think it's probably the best solution. Neither of us are in a position to bring a child into the world, are we?"   
  
Her reply was whisper soft. "I suppose not."   
  
"I'll be with you. When you have it done."   
  
Relena shook her head. "That won't be necessary. It probably won't be for a week or two, anyway." She blotted away the last of her tears with the tissues and slipped off the exam table. "Keeping it from the press won't be too hard; Sally did the test herself and she'd never tell anyone. I'll ask her to perform the procedure, too."   
  
"Sounds…fine."   
  
They stared at each other for a long moment. "Are you going to tell your brother?" he finally asked.   
  
"Do you have a death wish?"   
  
Heero snorted. "I can handle Zechs."   
  
"Well, it won't be necessary. I may tell Miss Noin, but only because I'll need her help afterwards while I'm recovering."   
  
"I told you I'd…"   
  
Relena cut him off. "And I told you that it's not necessary."   
  
"Relena, goddamnit! I'm just trying to…help." He glanced away. Some help he'd been. He had a case of condoms in the apartment he hadn't seen in weeks, yet he'd never thought about using one in all the times they'd come together. He'd only thought of the thundering desire, the overwhelming urge to be inside her; he hadn't thought about what he could do to her.   
  
"Heero." He felt her cool fingers against his cheek. "Thank you. But I'm going to be fine. Women do this every day."   
  
**But you're not just any woman.**   
  
Heero nodded. "Of course." He jerked away from her. "I'll go get the car."   
  
She called out to him, but he was already halfway out the door. Only a second after he slammed it shut, it opened again. Sally glanced back over her shoulder. "Is everything all right?"   
  
"He's just…upset."   
  
The doctor looked back at her patient. "This is huge, life-altering news, Relena. Any decision you and Heero make shouldn't be made quickly. Take your time, consider all your options and…"   
  
"Time is something we don't have a lot of," Relena said, folding her arms. "In fact, while I'm here, I need to schedule another appointment with you."   
  
"For your first pre-natal check-up?" Sally asked, hopefully.   
  
"No." Relena's lower lip trembled. "Not quite."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	9. Torn

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay, once again. I'm trying to get back on a regular posting schedule, but my own daily schedule is making it difficult. Thank you, though, for all the kind reviews. I'm so glad you like the story and are sticking with it. Until next time, take care!  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****  
  
"Where the hell did you run off to?" Wufei looked up from his paperwork as Trowa entered their office. "It's been hours."   
  
Trowa took off his uniform jacket and neatly draped it over the back of his chair. Sliding into his seat, he turned on his computer before replying, "I had something I had to do. Do I have to clear my schedule with you first?"   
  
"Only during working hours." The Chinese man tossed him a folder, Frisbee style. "Take a look at that."   
  
"What is it?" Trowa asked.   
  
"Surveillance stills from the cameras in the President's office taken the night before she received the note."   
  
"There's nothing here. We've been over them a hundred times."   
  
"Exactly. No one came into that office in the middle of the night to drop off that letter. Which means someone on the inside either knowingly or unknowingly brought it into the office and put it in the President's incoming mail."   
  
"All right." Trowa set the pictures aside. "But who? She trusts her staff implicitly."   
  
Wufei snorted. "That's her own damn fault. Clearly, the most obvious person would be the secretary."   
  
"Personal assistant."   
  
"Whatever. She handled the mail every morning, opening, sorting, putting those little 'sign here' stickers on important dotted lines for the President's convenience. Why wasn't the note something she opened and checked out?"   
  
"Because she thought it was personal mail," Trowa guessed. "She's not a social secretary."   
  
"Personal assistant," Wufei mocked him ever so slightly. "But that's a little too convenient if you ask me. A blank envelope with no return address and it doesn't raise her suspicions at all?"   
  
Trowa shrugged. "Maybe she's not a very good personal assistant slash secretary."   
  
"Or maybe she's the one who snuck the letter in."   
  
"I take it you intend to probe further?"   
  
"Full background check." Wufei pointed to his computer. "I have it running now. If she's so much as littered in her lifetime, we'll know about it."   
  
Stretching his arms, Trowa nodded. "You're not leaving much for Yuy or me to do."   
  
"Yuy can't seem to think with any organ above his waist these days."   
  
"At least Yuy knows what he wants," the taller man mused. "Some of us aren't so lucky."   
  
"No one knows what they want until they get it."   
  
"You're a closet Confucius."   
  
Wufei shook his head. "Make yourself useful; start running through that list of guys the President's been out with the past three months."   
  
"Looking for…"   
  
"Anything out of the ordinary. Hell, Barton…you had the same training I did; use it!"   
  
Wufei left the room, presumably for coffee. He drank the stuff like it was water. Trowa located the proper file and sat down again. But his attention was nowhere near the decent sized list of men the President had recently dated.   
  
**No one knows what they want until they get it.**   
  
For all of his sharp corners, it wasn't surprising that the Chinese man could be so sharp. Heero hadn't known what he wanted until he got it. *He* hadn't know what he wanted until he'd gotten it four years earlier.   
  
But there was a flaw in Wufei's logic. Just because you found what you wanted didn't necessarily mean you'd have any idea what to do with it.   
  
****   
  
He couldn't go back to the mansion. There was too much Relena there. At least at his apartment, he didn't run the risk of turning a corner and bumping into her. Her perfume didn't waft through the rooms; the sweet sound of her voice didn't fill the silence. Within the stark white walls, he didn't feel her everywhere.   
  
Heero slammed into the apartment, threw his keys onto the table so hard they bounced, and ripped off his uniform jacket. He kept going, stripping down to his white undershirt. The clothes were choking him, keeping him from breathing.   
  
He'd just undone his belt buckle when he noticed the message light blinking on his communicator. It would have been easy to ignore it under any other circumstances. But what if it was Relena? What if she needed him?   
  
What if she'd changed her mind?   
  
He sat down in front of the communicator and pressed a few buttons to call up the message.   
  
"One new message," the computerized voice told him. "Sent at 0945, today. Would you like to play this message now?"   
  
"Why not?" Heero muttered, rubbing his eyes.   
  
"Please respond with 'yes' or 'no'."   
  
"Fuck…yes, alright?"   
  
"Audio or vis…"   
  
"Visual. Whatever."   
  
Duo Maxwell's exuberant face popped up on the screen. "Yuy, you bastard, guess what?! I'm a dad!! Can you believe it?! Hilde had the baby really late last night!! It's a boy. A big one!! Almost nine pounds. Hilde won't let me touch her anymore." He pouted for a second, but his euphoria went on undaunted. "Anyway, we named him Jeremiah. He's totally healthy; Hilde's doing great. And we're coming to Earth to see you and the princess in about a week. Okay? Okay! And don't bother calling to tell us not to come. When Hilde gets her mind made up…" He shook his head; his messy, half-undone braid jerked back and forth. "Let's just say we'll see you soon."   
  
The message ended, leaving Heero to stare at the communicator screen for a few minutes. Finally he stood up and walked into the tiny kitchen. There wasn't anything in the fridge except for a few wrinkled apples and a container of milk that had turned into cottage cheese. He opened the freezer and found nothing but ice. With it and the whisky under the counter that would never go bad on him, he fixed a drink.   
  
He took a sip, holding the cold, burning liquid in his mouth. When he swallowed, he felt it scorch a path to his stomach. His hand gripped his glass hard…harder. It crushed under the pressure, and the glass shattered. When he relaxed his palm, blood spilled out, flowing down his arm and dripping onto the tiled floor. The alcohol pooled into a dozen deep cuts.   
  
Heero stared at his injuries until the ice from the drink dulled the pain and the blood slowed. Only then did he head into the bathroom for the first aid kit.   
  
As he picked glass out of his flesh and wound bandages around his fingers, the image of the baby returned. Only this time when the child reached for him, laughing, he saw himself drawing a gun and pointing it at the baby's soft, bald head.   
  
Heero tore off a piece of surgical tape with his teeth. "Bang."   
  
****   
  
It took Relena hours to fall asleep, mostly due to the fact that she couldn't stop crying.   
  
Heero had dropped her off at the mansion and driven off without a word. And she had no idea how to interpret his actions. He was Heero; she hadn't expected an emotional reaction to the news of her unexpected pregnancy. Part of her, the part that could still dream, had wanted him to put his foot down and declare that she simply could not kill their baby.   
  
But that was silly. Offering to be with her during the abortion was much more Heero Yuy. Refusing to touch her when she needed something human to hang onto…that was the Heero she knew and yet somehow loved.   
  
"It's better this way," she told her flat belly as she prepared for her doctor-ordered nap. "I'll never have to choose between you and the entire world. There won't be a scandal. And Heero won't feel like he's being tied to me for the rest of his life."   
  
Even as she spoke the words, she knew they were just excuses. Things she had to tell herself to be able to look in the mirror again.   
  
"If there is any such thing as fairness," Relena continued, slipping between the sheets. "You'll come back to me someday. And I'll be such a wonderful mother to you. I promise." She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, forming a cocoon of safety around her unborn baby. "Maybe then…he'll love and want us both."   
  
Once the tears began to flow, she was unable to stop them. Relena fell asleep with wet cheeks, her hand resting on her lower abdomen.   
  
Heero found her just like that when he returned to the mansion well after midnight. The tears had long since dried, but their tracks were still visible in the moonlight. He approached her bed without making a single noise and knelt down beside her.   
  
His eyes drank in the sight of her, his passionate princess, the mother of his doomed child. He had her memorized; he spent so much of his life watching her from the shadows, from a safe distance where it was all right to love her as he'd never loved anyone before.   
  
Love. Yes, that had to be what he was feeling. It had to be. Or else it wouldn't hurt this much. That's what happened when you let someone get too close. Pain. Vulnerability. Weakness. It was masochistic, loving like this.   
  
But it would hurt even worse to stop, to walk away, to keep denying himself. And not only would it hurt him, she'd be devastated. And he'd destroyed enough of her already.   
  
Heero's gaze wandered down to her lower stomach. The soft stretch of ticklish flesh he loved to kiss to make her giggle now carried something infinitely more precious than even the sound of her laughter. A life. The soldier who had taken so many lives had helped create one deep within her body. And true to his nature as such, he would be there for its destruction.   
  
His bandaged hand reached to touch her, wanting to feel something of that life before it was snuffed out. Heero moved her slender hand away ever so carefully and skimmed his uninjured fingers underneath the bottom of her shirt to feel the lacy edge of her panties and the warm skin just above them.   
  
His entire hand cupped her lower abdomen, but it was far too early for kicks or movement. Would that make it easier for her to go through with it, if she couldn't feel the child inside her? Would it make it easier for him?   
  
He didn't think so.   
  
"Relena," Heero whispered. He bent over and rested his forehead on her giving flesh. "Don't do it. Please."   
  
In her dreams, Heero came to her, asking her not to do it…wanting their baby and a life together. But it was only that, a dream, because when she emerged from it, she was alone.   
  
****  
  
To Be Continued 


	10. If I could keep my heart out of sight

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Notes: Enjoy this chapter! I told you I'd start updating more frequently;)  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
"Trowa…" Quatre's attempt at forming a sentence died when Trowa sucked the bottom of his earlobe into the heat of his mouth. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "Trowa, I need to know…you're not just…"   
  
"Just what?" Trowa breathed, making the blond man beneath him shiver. "Playing around? Experimenting?"   
  
Quatre's eyes were tightly closed, but he nodded. "Both."   
  
"I'm not." He let the full weight and hardness of his body press enticingly into Quatre's. "I want you."   
  
"And what you want, you automatically get?" Pushing them up into a sitting position, Quatre took a moment to collect himself. How had they gotten into bed with half of their clothes off? He'd only invited his one-time lover upstairs for a drink after an otherwise innocent dinner. All right, so the sexual tension between them had been thick, but he'd been sure he could handle it. But as it turned out, the control and maturity he thought he'd gained from his broken heart hadn't been able to stand up against his overwhelming desire for Trowa.   
  
Keeping his eyes level with Trowa's passion-darkened green orbs, Quatre went on, "This won't work if you're not sure about who you are. Trust me; I know."   
  
Trowa frowned. "What do you mean?"   
  
"You don't really believe that I haven't had sex since our night together, do you?"   
  
"I…um…I don't know. I haven't really…thought about it. Or wanted to think about it."   
  
Quatre smiled patiently. "I've been with people who weren't sure, Trowa. And they never last, because you either are or you aren't. So…" He let one hand trail down the sculpted length of Trowa's bare chest. "Are you?"   
  
"Would I be here if I didn't want this?"   
  
"You've done it before."   
  
Looking away for a moment, Trowa combed his hair out of his eyes. "What do you want? Some sort of declarative statement?"   
  
"I think I deserve to hear one before I put my heart out on the line again."   
  
The taller man glanced back at him. "I won't hurt you again, Quatre."   
  
"That remains to be seen," Quatre whispered.   
  
"I won't," Trowa reaffirmed. "I want to make up for what I did to you." Placing his hands on Quatre's shoulders, he guided them both back down to the bed. "Like this." Without waiting for permission, he kissed him long and deep, conquering the warmth of Quatre's mouth with his tongue. His lover whimpered beneath him, but put up no protest.   
  
Trowa broke the kiss to bury his face in the crook of Quatre's neck. His skin smelled like exotic spices. It would have been so easy to just stay there, forever breathing him in. But as if fate was working against him, the beeper in the pocket of his pants, which were currently in a heap at the foot of the bed, went off just then.   
  
"Shit," he muttered.   
  
Quatre released a pent-up breath as he stared up at the ceiling. "You should get that."   
  
Trowa lifted his head. "It can wait."   
  
He went in for another kiss, but Quatre held him back. "It's all right. Answer it."   
  
With a sigh, Trowa rolled off of the other man and got off the bed. After retrieving his pants and checking the beeper, he shook his head. "Wufei has the worst timing imaginable."   
  
Quatre propped himself up against the headboard. Without Trowa's body heat surrounding him, he was suddenly cold. He crossed his arms over his exposed chest. "It must be important."   
  
"This…" He gestured to the rumpled bed. "…is important."   
  
"Not as much." Getting up, Quatre went for his hotel-provided robe. "If it were my job calling me away, I'd go."   
  
Trowa had to smile. "You would?"   
  
"Well." Slipping on the terrycloth garment, Quatre shrugged. "I'd feel bad about it."   
  
"I do. Feel bad." After pulling on his pants, Trowa approached him. "Here's my declarative statement. I feel." He brushed his thumb across Quatre's swollen lips. "When I'm with you, I'm sure about that."   
  
His eyelashes fluttered at the contact, and it took a lot of will to force his eyes to stay open. "Then maybe when Wufei's finished with you…you'll come back here?" He paused. "I'll be waiting."   
  
Trowa ducked his head and kissed him. "I won't be too late."   
  
****   
  
"You're late." Wufei gave his partner a cursory once-over as he entered the office. "And you look like hell."   
  
Throwing him the darkest glare he could muster, Trowa spread his hands. "What is it you want, Chang?"   
  
"You and Heero…neither one of you are even really *here* anymore! So, who is she? That circus girl of yours?"   
  
"Look, I'm here to work, not discuss my private life." He crossed to Wufei's desk. "Did you find something on the secretary?"   
  
"Personal…"   
  
"Don't start."   
  
Wufei tugged a few sheets of paper out from under a thicker file folder. "While you were out doing whatever…or whoever…I was here doing your job, namely checking out both the woman and the President's dates over the past two months. And guess what I found out?" He didn't wait for Trowa to guess and continued, "It turns out that the woman, Karen Miller used to be Mrs. Karen Wynstock."   
  
"Okay…"   
  
"Wynstock not ringing any bells?"   
  
"Should it?"   
  
Wufei pointed to a particular entry on the papers. "It just so happens that only a day before the President received word of the poisoning, she had a dinner date with the recently divorced Mr. Marvin Wynstock, the Environmental Minister."   
  
Trowa thought this over for a moment. "So, the President's secretary used to be married to a fairly high ranking member of the President's council. Which begs the question…why would someone who once traveled in the same social circles as the President take a lowly job working for the President?"   
  
"It also begs the question, does the President know?"   
  
"I think we should find out. Bring in the secretary first thing tomorrow morning."   
  
Wufei crossed his arms. "And that would work, if Ms. Karen Miller wasn't missing."   
  
"Missing?"   
  
"I've initiated a search…sent her picture to every space port on Earth and the colonies. It's only a matter of time until we find her. But until then…"   
  
Setting aside the papers, Trowa punched up their office communicator. "Let's keep this quiet for now. Although we should probably tell Heero. The President must be aware that her secretary is gone, right?"   
  
"Who knows? Just as much as Yuy's head is full of her, the President is full of him." Wufei paused. "That came out far dirtier than I'd intended," he said, almost proudly.   
  
"Congratulations." Trowa stared at the communicator screen for a moment. "I've never seen Heero so distracted. It's almost like he's been a different person lately."   
  
The Chinese man snorted softly. "That's what happens. Fortunately, it hasn't happened to me yet, and I don't see it ever happening. Women can be comforting; I won't deny that. But they give a man more stress than they relieve. And I just don't need any of that mess right now."   
  
"Right. Mess." He cleared his throat. "Chang, you've been here for hours, and frankly, I think you're starting to smell. Go home. I can take over the search."   
  
"You sure? There's not some hot woman waiting for you?"   
  
Trowa sat down. "No. No hot woman."   
  
****   
  
Sally wouldn't do the procedure until at least two weeks had passed. She felt sure that Relena would change her mind, come to her senses, be selfish like any other normal woman would be. But what Sally didn't realize was that Relena wasn't choosing her people over her baby. Her first and foremost thoughts were about her child. Two weeks wasn't long enough to get truly attached, she told herself a hundred times every day. If she waited, got attached, and then had to make the same choice, she knew, deep down, that she'd risk the peace of the entire universe to keep her baby safe.   
  
Still, she hadn't counted on how just knowing that she was pregnant would make her grow attached to her child. She hadn't expected morning sickness to become a daily reminder of the baby's existence. And she hadn't counted on Heero's withdrawal.   
  
He wouldn't touch her. He wouldn't even look at her. He kept his distance, re-enforced all of his walls, and it was breaking her heart a little more with each day. She wasn't sure if it made her more or less assured of her decision. More, she supposed, because while she could endure his silence, a baby shouldn't have to. Less because if she lost him, she'd would have also lost the little bit of him growing inside of her.   
  
He had wounds on his hands that he wouldn't discuss. He moved out of the mansion, citing the fact that Millardo was around to protect her when he wasn't there. But worst of all was the look in his eyes. The soul-less expression she saw whenever they were together, which wasn't very often. It chilled her to the bone. Shouldn't he have been relieved that she wouldn't be expecting a long-term commitment from him?   
  
The week before the procedure, Relena poured all of this out to Noin over tea. Her brother's girlfriend took the news of her pregnancy with quiet acceptance. Relena was grateful for the lack of lectures she received; after all, Noin herself was pregnant and not married.   
  
"The oddest thing is…" Noin set down her teacup. "This is just how your brother reacted to each of my miscarriages."   
  
"What do you mean?" Relena blinked. She'd never heard about any miscarriages.   
  
"I lost two babies, one at three months, the other at four."   
  
Her hand flew to her throat. "Oh…I'm so sorry! And here I am talking about abortions and…"   
  
"It's all right. You didn't know." After a breath, the older woman continued, "They were devastating experiences. And immediately after each one, I turned to Zechs for strength. But he wasn't always there. He…" She paused to touch the gentle pouch of her abdomen. "It seemed like he didn't want to be around me anymore. Of course, I made it clear that this did not make me happy."   
  
"And what did he say?"   
  
"We talked. And I found out…he was grieving just as much as I was. Only he had no idea how to show it. So, he just shut down." She reached for her cup again. "It sounds like what Heero's doing right now."   
  
Relena stirred her tea thoughtfully. "I don't know. Millardo obviously wanted those babies. Heero, on the other hand, wasn't even thinking about having children. I mean…he's never given me any indication that he enjoys my company anywhere but the bedroom."   
  
"If you feel that way, why let him use you like that?"   
  
"Oh, I have lots of reasons, not the least of which is that he's a sexual fantasy come to life. But mainly…mainly it's because so many people need me. More and more of me, every day. Sometimes it's nice to be with someone who doesn't need me. And Heero…" She shook her head, smiling sadly. "Heero doesn't need anyone."   
  
Noin considered the younger woman. "I'm not so sure about that."   
  
A knock on the parlor door effectively killed the conversation. One of the housemaids entered quietly. "Madam President, there's a Mr. and Mrs. Duo Maxwell at the gate. They ask to…"   
  
Relena was already on her feet. "Send them through, immediately!!" Once the girl bowed and left, she turned back to Noin. "I haven't seen them in so long! We had dinner together on L2 when I was there for a treaty meeting…it must have been at least two years ago. I wonder what they're doing here on Earth?"   
  
"Maybe they saw your press conference," Noin guessed.   
  
Some of the joy drained out of Relena's face. "I was hoping Duo might just have gotten it in his head to come and visit. I don't want a lot of sympathy."   
  
"If he's still the same Duo I remember, I doubt he's here to give you tears and hugs."   
  
Twenty minutes later, the front door of the mansion swung open and Duo Maxwell strode inside, hand in hand with his wife, Hilde. The first time Relena had ever laid eyes on the former Deathscythe pilot, he'd been silhouetted in the setting sun, pointing a gun at Heero and telling her to get out of his way. Now, still backed by the sun, he carried a plastic baby seat in his free hand, a goofy smile plastered onto his handsome face.   
  
"Princess," he greeted her, holding up the car seat. "Look what we made!"   
  
Relena froze as she stared at the tiny pink face that was nearly lost in a sea of blue cotton blankets and framed by a terrycloth bumper. "Oh my god," she whispered.   
  
Duo gently set down his son and held out his arms. "Is it still okay to hug the President?"   
  
She recovered just long enough to embrace him with as much warmth as possible. "I had no idea you two were going to have a…a baby."   
  
"We didn't mean to be all secretive," Hilde assured her.   
  
"No, I understand." Relena hugged her. "This is…wonderful. Really." She pulled back, blinking away the sudden urge to cry. "What's his name?"   
  
"Jeremiah," Duo said with such blatant pride and joy that Relena nearly lost the battle with her tears. "Heero didn't tell you about him? Heero is working as your bodyguard, right?"   
  
Relena shook her head. "No. I mean, yes, he is, but no, he didn't say anything. Heero and I…we're not exactly…I mean, we don't always…talk." She forced a smile. "But that's not important. You must be tired from your trip, especially you, Hilde." She reached for the other woman's hand. "Come and sit down. We were just having tea."   
  
"That sounds wonderful, but first, if you don't mind, is there somewhere I could go and change him?" She picked up her baby who had begun to squirm in his seat. "It's tragic having a bladder the size of a walnut."   
  
"Oh, of course. Um…there's a guest bathroom just behind the staircase." Relena pointed it out. "We'll be just through those doors, in the parlor."   
  
Hilde blew Duo a little kiss before leaving. As he watched her walk away, he shook his head in amazement, as though he truly couldn't believe that his life had turned out so well. "Nineteen hours of labor and you'd never know it now. She's a tough chick, my babe."   
  
Relena smiled up at him. "I'm so happy for you both."   
  
"And surprised by us, too, I bet. I know we're kinda dropping in out of the blue…" He pulled at his ear. "But when we heard…you know…we wanted to be here for you." Duo glanced over her shoulder and as he did, his voice grew louder. "Because you know that Heero Yuy fellow is such a complete downer, we figured you'd need a few laughs every now and then."   
  
Puzzled, Relena looked over her shoulder. Behind her, Heero had entered the mansion on silent feet. Her breath caught in the back of her throat, but she managed to give him a little nod. "We…I have visitors," she told him, unnecessarily.   
  
"I can see that," Heero replied, approaching them. "Maxwell."   
  
Duo straightened his back and molded his face into an exaggerated blank expression. "Yuy."   
  
Relena smothered a smile behind her hand. "Heero, Duo and Hilde brought their…"   
  
She was cut off by Hilde re-entering with a very awake Jeremiah settled in the crook of her arm. "Turns out he wasn't wet. Just cranky." She blinked upon seeing Heero. "Well, hello there."   
  
Heero stared at the child Hilde carried. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "He looks like nine pounds."   
  
"Congratulations to us." Duo rolled his eyes. "You're too kind, Heero."   
  
Jeremiah blinked several times before closing his milky-blue eyes once more. "He's perfect," Relena whispered.   
  
"Do you want to hold him?" Hilde offered.   
  
"Oh…I…I don't know. I'm…" Relena searched for an excuse that wouldn't be offending or give anything away. Finding nothing, she gave in. "All right. Yes."   
  
It only took a moment for Hilde to transfer her son, but each second ticked by for Heero like a hundred years. And once the baby was in Relena's arms, he found he simply couldn't look away. Some unidentified place within his chest ached at the sight.   
  
Holding the baby, Relena was more beautiful than ever. He noticed that she'd let her hair down for the day and it curled around her shoulders, shimmering in the late-afternoon light that filtered through the foyer windows. She looked down at little Jeremiah and smiled the first genuine smile he'd seen on her face since they'd discovered her pregnancy.   
  
He realized right then just how badly he wanted the baby in her arms to be theirs. And with that realization, he had to turn his head to look away before it killed him.   
  
Still smiling, Relena tore her eyes away from the perfect little person and unconsciously glanced back up at Heero. He was looking off towards the parlor, clearly bored with the entire situation. Whatever hope she was still clinging onto crumbled.   
  
"I…can't." As carefully, but also as quickly as she could, she passed the baby back to its mother. "I'm sorry. I just…remembered. There's some…paperwork. I have to…" She pointed to the stairs. "One of the maids will get you settled into a room. And I'll…see you at dinner." Before anyone could protest, she turned on her heel and ran up the stairs, one hand pressed against her mouth.   
  
"Princess!" Duo shouted after her. She disappeared around an upstairs corner and he looked back at Heero, thoroughly confused. "Is she all right?"   
  
Heero gave him a look without really looking at him. "How should I know?"   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	11. Forever, for the first time

Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. Simple as that.  
  
Author's Notes: Another update...I'm doing good! Thanks so much for the kind reviews. I hope you keep enjoying the story;)  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
Relena had two appointments that day. A breakfast meeting at eight a.m. with Quatre to discuss the upcoming gubernatorial elections on his colony, and an abortion at eleven a.m. with Dr. Po. She stared at her day planner as she dried her hair. Wouldn't it be funny, she thought, to write in that second appointment as though it really was no big deal? And wouldn't it be funnier still to see how someone might react to it, if they were to read over the President's daily schedule?   
  
All right, not that funny, she decided.   
  
Breakfast was already laid out in the appropriately titled breakfast room, but Quatre hadn't arrived yet. Relena took a seat at the elegant table and tried not to breathe in the rich scents of fresh Belgian waffles and links of spiced sausage. Even if she had been allowed to eat before the procedure, her stomach was less than stable; she poured herself some tea and prayed that it would stay down.   
  
"In a few days," Relena told herself. "You can eat like a pig."   
  
The sliding doors opened and a maid appeared. "Mr. Quatre Winner to see you, ma'am."   
  
She nodded to the girl and waited until her friend entered the room. "Quatre." She stood up and accepted his warm embrace. "Good morning."   
  
"It is now," he laughed easily.   
  
"Did it start off bad?" She gestured for him to sit down and once he had, reached for the blue and white china pot. "Tea?"   
  
"Please." He paused for a moment as she poured. "Besides getting to spend time with you, I haven't enjoyed this trip very much. I'll be glad to be home tonight."   
  
Relena frowned. "You're leaving so soon?"   
  
"I've been away too long. And like I said, besides you, there isn't much keeping me here. Apparently." Quatre added sugar and cream to his tea. "Shall we get business out of the way?"   
  
Quatre's appetite wasn't in question; they discussed the elections as he worked his way through a plate of waffles and sausage and a bowl of fresh fruit. Relena listened and commented when her opinion was warranted, but mostly, she took tiny sips of her tea, holding onto the delicate cup as though she might drop it at any moment.   
  
"My vote lies with Governor Gnau," Quatre finished up, setting aside his napkin when his meal was done. "I know he appreciates your endorsement, as well."   
  
"Simply put, he's doing a wonderful job and shouldn't be voted out of…" Her stomach twisted and Relena put a hand to her mouth. "I'm sorry, " she said once the nausea had passed. "Just a little…"   
  
"Morning sickness?" When her face instantly paled, Quatre reached out and put his hand on hers. "I have too many nieces and nephews to count. I could be wrong, but I usually know the signs." He hesitated. "Does Heero know?"   
  
Relena set aside her cup. "Oh…Heero knows. It's the caring part that he just can't get down."   
  
Quatre's expression grew dark. "He doesn't want the baby?"   
  
She shook her head, her lips pressed together tightly. "He doesn't want it…and I can't have it." Abruptly, she stood. "We've decided that it's best all around if we just…don't."   
  
"Don't have it?"   
  
The look she gave him nearly broke his heart; her lower lip trembled uncontrollably. "Are you judging me?"   
  
"Never." Quatre stood up and reached for her hand again. "If you need a friend with you…"   
  
"Thanks. But I have someone. Not Heero," she added. "He offered, but…he can barely look at me anymore. I can't take that…not there. He'd show up anyways though, just to be obstinate, so I…I told him the appointment was at three, not eleven." Relena chuckled when tears welled up anew. "I thought I cried all of these out."   
  
Quatre put his arms around her, and she gladly leaned against his shoulder once more time. "I know the feeling."   
  
****   
  
There was only one downside to having a kid in Duo's mind, and it wasn't even the never-ending parade of dirty diapers. It was the period of abstinence after the birth that was killing him. He'd never dream of hurting Hilde, but he couldn't remember any other time in their entire relationship when they'd gone so long as two weeks without having sex. He was a man quite used to taking comfort in his wife's body in the morning, and now, as he woke up in the huge bed the Presidential guest room boasted, all he wanted was to roll over and rouse her for some fun.   
  
But the sudden onslaught of whimpering from the bassinet a few feet away killed that momentary fantasy. Before Jeremiah could wake his mother, Duo got out of bed and padded over to him.   
  
"What's up, buddy?" He picked the baby up and set him against his bare shoulder. "Hungry? Wet?" His son stopped fussing and curled his tiny fingers around a fistful of Duo's loose hair. "Faker. You've really got my number, kid."   
  
He glanced at the clock. It was only nine, but his stomach was reminding him that dinner had been ages ago. Duo crooked his neck to look down at the baby. Jeremiah was asleep again, content in his father's arms. He didn't want to do it, but Duo gently laid his son back down in the crib after pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead.   
  
"Give your mom a few minutes before you get hungry," he asked the baby. Duo glanced back at the bed where Hilde slept peacefully, her hair shocking black against the white sheets. "She needs her rest."   
  
His stomach still growling, Duo pulled on a shirt and left the room in search of breakfast. He caught a whiff of the scent of sausage and like a man possessed, followed it all the way down the grand staircase.   
  
A set of sliding, wood paneled doors were open just enough for him to catch the sound of voices as the smell grew stronger. He stopped in front of them, prepared to open them up, when the words that were being spoken caught up with him.   
  
"Am I supposed to be relieved that it's so easy to take care of…because I'm not," Relena was asking.   
  
A man replied; it took Duo a minute to recognize the voice of his wartime friend, Quatre Winner. "There is no right or wrong feeling in this situation, I don't think. But, Relena…have you really thought this through? Is this truly the course of action that you feel is best for everyone concerned, but most especially for yourself?"   
  
Seconds passed. With only a stab of guilt over eavesdropping, Duo crept closer to the door. "Even if there wasn't a poison in my body…even if I didn't have to worry about having this baby used against me…even if I didn't have my position and reputation to consider…I still couldn't bring a child into the world knowing that its father couldn't ever love it." Relena sniffed delicately. "If you see Duo before you go, you'll understand. The way he looks at his son…that's how I'd want Heero to look at our baby. But I don't think he ever could. And I can't…" She stopped; he could hear her crying. "He's been clear from the beginning that he can't give me his heart. It's unfair of me to still want it."   
  
"No. It's not. Because you deserve nothing less." Quatre's tone was comforting, but Duo picked up on an underline of anger. And he had little doubt who it was directed towards, because all of a sudden, he too had an overwhelming urge, more so than usual, to punch Heero Yuy in the stomach.   
  
"I want this baby so much, Quatre." Her sobs sounded muffled, as though she were crying into a napkin. "I don't want to go in for an abortion at eleven like I was going to get my nails done or something. But there really isn't any other choice."   
  
Duo backed away from the door. Thinking fast, he darted back up the stairs and burst into the guest room just as Hilde was preparing to feed Jeremiah. She was sitting in an armchair, looking every inch the mother of the universe, but Duo was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice her bare breasts.   
  
"Have you been scavenging for food?" she teased him. Registering his distraught look, her voice softened. "Duo…what's wrong?"   
  
"Are you okay here, babe?" He dove for their suitcases and started assembling an outfit. "I gotta run out and take care of something real quick."   
  
Hilde frowned, still worried. "We're fine. But Duo…" He was already pulling on his jeans. She sighed to herself. There was no stopping him when he got an idea into his head. Whatever it was, he wouldn't be able to talk about it until he'd taken care of it. "I'll love you forever if you bring me back something chocolate."   
  
He braided his hair with sloppy, distracted motions. "You've got it." After shoving his feet into a pair of sneakers, Duo approached her for a long kiss. "Love you both."   
  
After he was gone, she looked down at little Jeremiah as he fed. "What am I going to do if you get your daddy's crazy gene?"   
  
****   
  
Heero knew what day it was even before he woke up. He'd been keeping a mental calendar in his head, counting down the days until his brief stint as a father would be over. It wasn't in his nature to lay in bed and dwell over things, so he got up with the sun, made coffee, checked his messages and just generally went about his usual routine.   
  
Wufei and Trowa both had left communicator messages updating him on the latest news from the investigation. The secretary still hadn't been found, and according to the latest lab tests, there was still no clue as to how the poison had been administered. Even if they found Relena's secretary, all they had on the woman was a connection to someone Relena had dated, nothing more. It wasn't exactly promising as far as he was concerned.   
  
He had piles of paperwork backed up for several months. It wasn't like him to get this behind, but then he hadn't done much that was in character since Relena had come back into his life.   
  
All roads led back to Relena. Why couldn't he get her out of his head?   
  
Hours slipped by without notice and had there not been a very insistent pounding on his door, he might have worked straight through the day. He resented the intruder, whoever it was. He would have liked to have lost the entire day.   
  
As it was, when he reluctantly answered his door, he had to also answer to a very pissed-off Duo Maxwell.   
  
"Just what the fuck is your problem, Yuy?"   
  
"Good morning, Maxwell. Coffee?" He turned and walked back into his apartment without inviting the other man in.   
  
Duo let himself inside and closed the door. "I don't want any coffee. It's past ten o'clock. It took me an hour's worth of hacking to even find your address. Are you paranoid, or is being invisible just a Preventer perk?"   
  
"I take it you have a reason for going to the trouble, so why don't you just come out with it." Heero rubbed his temple. "I have a lot of work to get through today."   
  
"You're just going to let her do it, aren't you?" Heero's head shot up, but Duo continued, "You're gonna sit here, pecking away at your computer while she's in some hospital getting rid of the kid you don't want her to have."   
  
"You have no idea what you're talking about," Heero warned him in a low, dangerous voice.   
  
Duo shook his head. "I heard her crying, Yuy. Have you ever heard her cry over something you've done to her? It's enough to break a normal human being's heart."   
  
"Any decision Relena makes is hers to make. Not mine. And it's definitely none of your business. So, just go back to your wife and your kid and quit thinking that you know what's best for my life." Heero situated himself at his desk again, making a great pretense of returning to work.   
  
But Duo wasn't so easily dismissed. He slammed his palm directly down onto Heero's papers. "You've done some shitty, shitty things, Heero. But this is just disgusting. It's not enough that you'd get her pregnant without caring about her reputation or her feelings, but that you'd turn your back on her when she needs your support, too? Jesus, Heero…" He ran his hands through his bangs. "Don't you care about anything?! If you can't care about Relena and you can't care about your own child, what the fuck will you care about?!?"   
  
"I don't remember asking for your thoughts on anything, Maxwell." Heero jumped to his feet and grabbed the collar of Duo's shirt. "If you had any clue…" His words were hissed through clenched teeth, but it was the smattering of tears at the corners of his dark blue eyes that caught Duo off guard. "If you had any clue what this is…how I'm…" He released Duo, practically pushing him away and turned around to compose himself.   
  
Duo blinked. "You don't want her to have the abortion, do you?"   
  
Heero straightened his back. "It's what's best."   
  
"Fuck what's best. You want the baby."   
  
"It doesn't matter what I want. Relena's made her choice."   
  
"Relena's made the choice she thinks you want her to make," Duo corrected him. "Have you sat down and told her what you're thinking?" He paused. "Of course not. That would border on an emotional encounter."   
  
Heero looked back at him. "Emotions get in the way of practicality. Neither Relena nor I can afford to be slaves to the reproductive drive."   
  
Duo began to laugh. "I'll have to remember that one for the next time Hilde's not in the mood. Reproductive drive." He shook his head, still smiling. "Only you, Yuy. Only you could sum up something as great as having a baby in such a cold way. Just say it. You want her to have the baby. You want to be a father."   
  
"Quit trying to put words in my mouth. Just because you had a kid doesn't mean the rest of the world is obligated to go down the same path."   
  
"Say it."   
  
"Maxwell, you've got five seconds to…"   
  
"Say it!!! Goddamnit, Heero!! Why can't you just fucking admit that you…"   
  
"I want the baby." He said it so calmly, so quietly that Duo barely stopped his rant in time. Heero looked down at his hands; one of them was covered in flesh-colored bandages. "Is that what you wanted me to say?"   
  
Duo swallowed. "Yeah."   
  
"All right then. Now will you go?"   
  
"No." Licking his lips, Duo studied his sometimes friend. "If you let her go through with it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You know that, don't you?" Heero said nothing. "Do you care?"   
  
"What am I supposed to do? Show up at the hospital with flowers and a wedding ring, making all those promises that everyone knows I can't keep?"   
  
"Well…" The braided man grinned. "It's a start." He paused. "And who says you can't keep them?"   
  
Heero shook his head. "Maybe just me." He looked Duo straight in the eye. "Why the fuck did she go and fall in love with me?"   
  
"Probably for the same reasons you went and fell in love with her." Duo crossed his arms. "Are you going to go stop her from making the biggest mistake of both your lives?"   
  
He sighed and sat back into his chair. "I have until three to decide."   
  
Duo's brow pulled into a deep frown. "Um…I thought I heard her say she was having it at eleven this morning."   
  
"What?" Heero snapped to attention. "Are you certain? Because she told me…" He stopped. "She lied…in case I came to try to hold her hand. She's so damn independent…" Heero shot out of his chair and began pacing. "It's nearly eleven now…I'll never make it in time."   
  
"Think again, Yuy." Duo held up the keys to his rented car. "It's an old man's family sedan, but you're in the presence of the greatest pilot who ever operated a Gundam. And I'm willing to get you to the hospital on time, if I know for sure you're going to do the right thing."   
  
Heero hesitated, a scowl on his face. He had never taken kindly to ultimatums. "When are you going to quit trying to navigate my life, Maxwell?"   
  
"When you start learning how to run it better," he tossed back, flippant.   
  
Looking back down at his watch, Heero made up his mind in the time it took for the second counter to change. "Let's go."   
  
****   
  
"All right. I'm going to give you a local anesthetic to numb the area now. The nitrous oxide should be relaxing you." Sally guided Relena's feet into the stirrups. "Madam President? Relena? Can you hear me?"   
  
"I can hear you." Her words were dreamy thanks to the chemicals she was breathing through a rubber nose piece. "And yeah…I'm relaxing."   
  
Sally hesitated with the hypodermic in her hand. "This is it. I can stop right now. All you have to do is say the word."   
  
There was a pause before Relena replied, "You know…when I was really little, I used to play house and pretend that I was going to have a baby. I'd put a pillow underneath my dress…and I'd sing to it…" She let the memory trail off. "Please just do it, Dr. Po."   
  
Sally glanced at her nurse. "This will hurt, just to warn you."   
  
Relena's eyes were wet by the time Sally finished administering the local. She looked at the IV in her wrist, another source of minor pain. Poked and prodded…would there ever be a time again when she wouldn't be poked and prodded?   
  
"We'll give that a few minutes to take complete effect before we start," Sally murmured. She let out a little sigh. What did one say to the President during her abortion? "Are you sure you don't want Noin to come in to be with you?"   
  
"It's all right," Relena replied, shaking her head against the stiff pillow. "She shouldn't have to see this…she's pregnant, did you know? She and Millardo…want their baby so much…" Relena closed her eyes. "I'm so happy for them."   
  
Sally bit her lip. "I know you are." Taking a deep breath, she nodded curtly. "Just relax and breathe. We're going to get…"   
  
She was cut off by commotion outside, raised voices and a thump on the heavy door. Relena opened her eyes. "What's going…on out there?"   
  
"I don't know." Sally pulled off her rubber gloves. "Keep monitoring her," she instructed the nurse. "I'll be right back."   
  
Just as Sally reached the door, it flew open. One of Relena's bodyguards fell into the room, having been used as a human battering ram by the man who now stood in the doorway. Sally blinked. "Heero?"   
  
The guard on the floor tried to pick himself up. "I'm sorry, Doctor…Madam President. I tried to stop him."   
  
A sheet was strategically draped over her lower body, but Relena was feeling too woozy to be embarrassed. "I don't…understand. What's going on?" she whispered.   
  
Heero pushed the inept guard out of the room and looked straight at Sally. "Have you done it yet?"   
  
She looked straight back at him. "You're not too late."   
  
Relena lifted her head off the pillow with much effort. "Heero…I told you…not to come. You never…listen to me."   
  
"We never really listen to each other." Moving past Sally and her nurse, he approached her side. "This isn't what we want, Relena. We don't want this abortion."   
  
"We?" She licked her dry lips.   
  
"We," he repeated.   
  
"But…we have to do it." Relena's eyelids drooped a bit; Heero gingerly lifted the rubber tube away from her nose. "For all the…reasons. The poison…the people." She waved her hand around. "And you don't love me."   
  
Sally cleared her throat and gestured to her nurse. "Excuse us." The couple barely noticed as the two women left them alone.   
  
"I don't give a shit about reason." Heero smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "I don't want you to do it. I want…"   
  
He stopped short, but she understood. Still, the ache in her heart didn't let up. "I can't, Heero. I can't…carry this baby…knowing that some madman…could take it away…without warning." She turned her head. "Please…I can't."   
  
"We'll just leave," Heero told her, surprised at the vehemence with which he spoke. A plan formed in the back of his mind as he spoke. "We'll disappear. We'll live somewhere in the woods or something until the baby comes. Wufei and Trowa will continue the investigation, and we'll come back as soon as they find the bastards. Relena…please."   
  
She looked back at him. "This isn't…you, Heero. You don't…you've never cared…before."   
  
"This is very much me," he corrected her. He shook his head. "See what you've done to me?"   
  
Relena squinted at him. He was slightly blurred, but he was still Heero. Standing there, telling her everything she needed to hear. "I don't know…what to do."   
  
"Let me get you out of here before this goes any further. I'll take you somewhere no one can find us, not even your brother." Heero knelt down so his face was level with hers. "I was ready to give up everything today, but I would have spent the rest of my life regretting it. This is all…new and maybe it's all too fast. Part of me can't even believe the things that are coming out of my mouth…"   
  
She injected a quiet, "It's the most I've ever heard you say."   
  
"But it feels right, Relena. For the first time in my life…I'm doing what *I* want to do. And it feels right." He ran his tongue over his lips. "What do you say?"   
  
Although she was still numb and woozy, and now shell-shocked by his confessions, Relena had always known what her answer would be if he ever found the questions.   
  
"All right." She blinked and let her tears go with a smile. "I'll disappear with you…Heero."   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	12. What if I stumble?

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me, for the most part.  
  
Author's Notes: See, aren't I good about updating?;) Enjoy this chapter, and thanks for all the kind words.  
  
****  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
****   
  
"My sister is the President of the goddamn world!" Millardo paced in front of Lady Une's desk like a man possessed. "How the hell can you not be able to find her after five months?!?"   
  
The woman's brown eyes narrowed slightly. "Trust me…I have had every available Preventer tracking her down from the very second she turned up missing. But she obviously disappeared with some help, and I don't need to tell you that the person who presumably helped her knows more about disappearing for extended periods of time than anyone I can think of."   
  
Standing off to the side a bit, Noin bit her lip. Not only was she worried about her lover's sister, but if he didn't calm down, he was going to give himself a stroke. "Zechs…please. Heero would never let anything happen to her. Somewhere deep inside you know that."   
  
"He's taken her away from the medical attention she needs for way too long," Millardo snapped back. "Yes, that's definitely taking care of her." Hurt flickered across Noin's face and instantly he was smacked with guilt. "Lu…I'm sorry. I just…" He shook his head. "If she has another relapse…"   
  
"We're just going to have to hope that they both come to their senses soon," Lady Une said, standing up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expecting a conference call from the Vice President."   
  
Noin stood up with some effort given her heavily pregnant waistline and started walking towards the door. She stopped when Millardo rushed around her to open it for her. Giving him a significant look, she stepped of out Une's office. "Relena is a lot stronger than anyone gives her credit for," she reminded him as they moved towards the elevator. "Even pregnant, she can take care of herself."   
  
"I just can't understand the reasons behind all of this." He punched the elevator's buttons with angry, jabbing motions. "Why did she do it?"   
  
"Because…" She didn't finish the thought until the elevator doors opened and she had stepped inside. "She's in love."   
  
The doors had almost closed again before Millardo moved, forcing them open with one hand. "You condone this, Lu?"   
  
"I'm not condoning anything. I'm simply saying that if my baby…if our baby was threatened, you had better believe I'd do anything, absolutely anything, to keep it safe. What I don't condone is you acting as though Relena did all of this to bother *you.* It's not about you. It's not about the rest of the world. This is about Relena and her love for her child. And although you hate it…her love for Heero Yuy."   
  
Millardo looked towards the end of the hall for a long while. Finally, he turned back to his girlfriend. "She's sick and she needs to be near a hospital. Especially in her condition."   
  
"Darling." Noin reached out and cupped his strong jaw in the palm of her hand. "When have you ever known your sister to be weak?"   
  
****   
  
"I think you're going to have to close the curtains, Heero." Relena turned her head away from the late-morning light that streamed relentlessly through the cottage's bedroom window.   
  
Holding up his hand to shield his eyes from the same glare, Heero looked down at her. The rumpled covers draped over her naked body, concealing all of her luscious curves except for the expanding roundness of her stomach. She smiled up at him, the corners of her flushed lips just barely turning up, and his blood stirred.   
  
"Feeling lazy this morning?" he asked with gruff affection.   
  
"Yeah." Relena swallowed. "Lazy."   
  
Without further teasing, he stood, crossed the room, drew the drapes and managed to get back in bed before she could even move. One arm protectively slid over the spot where their child flourished within her.   
  
"Good morning," Heero belatedly greeted her, following up with a lingering kiss.   
  
"Yes, it is," Relena answered, her eyes closed. "But do you know what would make it even better?"   
  
Heero nuzzled her ear, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine to the core of her body. "What's that?"   
  
"Strawberry and banana pancakes."   
  
He had to smile as he lifted his head. "Again?"   
  
Relena shrugged. "Cravings. I can't help it."   
  
He would eventually give in, and they both knew it. But before he did, there was the customary resistance that had become a morning ritual ever since they moved into the cozy cottage in the middle of nowhere. "And why should I make you breakfast?" he asked, resuming his maddening torture of her overly-sensitive ear.   
  
"Because…you're hungry, too?"   
  
"I am," he agreed. "But not for food…"   
  
His mouth moved down the exquisite length of her neck. "Then…because your child is turning somersaults inside of me?"   
  
"Perhaps he'll join Trowa's circus someday."   
  
Relena sighed when Heero's lips found her swollen breast. "Fine then. Maybe because you love me?"   
  
Just before his tongue touched her nipple, he sat up. "All right. Pancakes it is." He pulled on his discarded shorts and headed for the kitchen. "Maple syrup?"   
  
"Boysenberry." She forced the words out, beads of perspiration suddenly dotting her forehead. "With a side of…buttered bacon!"   
  
As soon as he was gone, Relena rolled out of bed as fast as her protruding belly would allow her, and staggered for the tiny, adjoining bathroom. She turned on the sink's faucet before dropping to her knees in front of the toilet.   
  
It wasn't morning sickness, as she had told herself it was for so long. She'd been in sweet denial. But she couldn't deny anything anymore. Because now when she wiped her hand across the back of her mouth afterwards, she left behind a smear of blood.   
  
Heero didn't know; somehow she'd been able to hide the pain and the blood from him for five months. If she just smiled and sent him on little missions, he never guessed that underneath the surface, she was in agony. After years of hiding her problems, she could even fool the Perfect Soldier.   
  
Relena pulled herself up off the bathroom floor and stuck her hands underneath the flowing faucet. Blood tinged the water in the basin pink until all of the evidence had been washed away. She then flushed the toilet and dried her hands. It took a lot of effort, but she finally forced herself to look in the mirror.   
  
All she saw was dark circles, pale skin, gaunt cheeks and dry lips. Is that what Heero saw when he looked at her? If so, how could he bear to look? She touched her face, her throat, her breasts, her stomach…her entire body had changed so much. But he still wanted her. He still made love to her with a learned gentleness, ever terrified of hurting her and the baby. He took such good care of them both…   
  
"Heero," she whispered, closing her eyes just as hot tears spilled over. He had to be protected from the truth of her condition. All of his efforts, all of his progress, all of the hurdles in their relationship that they'd jumped together…for all of that, he deserved something better at the end of it than the reassurance that getting emotionally involved with someone really did lead to nothing but grief and pain.   
  
Back in the bedroom, Relena found her robe and pulled it on. The baby kicked and the ever-present aches and pains dissipated for a moment. This was all that mattered. Anything could be endured for the tiny baby growing inside of her.   
  
Wiping away the last of her tears, she prepared herself for a breakfast she would only eat for his sake, the smiles she would only muster to see his, and the mountain of lies that grew larger every day.   
  
****   
  
"Target is in the open. Repeat, target is in sight. Do you copy, Preventer Gamma?"   
  
Over the edge of the day's newspaper, Trowa's trained eyes steadily followed the woman, the target, as she wove her way through the crowds of holiday travelers packed into Sanq's main spaceport. "Copy that, Preventer Tau. Proceeding with mission at your go."   
  
Wufei's voice was clear, even through the tiny device that sat just inside his earlobe. "'Go' is at your discretion. Back-up is in place and all exits are covered."   
  
"And the civilians?"   
  
There was a long pause during which the target stopped in front of a coffee stand. Trowa never blinked as he watched her wait in line to order. Finally, his partner replied, "Target is not believed to be armed."   
  
"And if she is?"   
  
"Acceptable risks." Wufei hesitated. "Good luck, Gamma."   
  
The hearing piece went completely silent, although he knew that didn't mean it wasn't working. He was still being monitored as closely as possible. Taking a moment to fold up his paper, Trowa started for the coffee stand.   
  
He managed to get in line just behind the target. Karen Wynstock had done a lot to change her physical appearance since she'd vanished without a trace, but there were very few people who could hide from the Preventers for long. The woman standing in front of him had been on their most-wanted list for five months as their only suspect in the President's poisoning. And now he was about to apprehend her. This was the worst part of the entire investigation, the moments right before arrest when everything could go horribly wrong in a mere matter of seconds.   
  
Trowa opened his paper again, keeping up the pretense of being just another airport patron. He was just in time; the target turned her head, looking around, and for a moment, they made eye contact. He looked down at the newspaper, nonchalant, and she turned back around. Just when he thought enough time had passed for him to look back up, a byline caught his eye. "Winner CEO Injured, 23 Others Killed In Bombing."   
  
The room spun as he scanned the article. A bomb had gone off at Quatre's company headquarters. No one had claimed responsibility as of yet. Many had died, many more had been injured. And Quatre was lying in an L4 hospital in critical condition.   
  
"Jesus, no," he whispered, the paper dropping to the ground.   
  
The target turned around, frowning. "Are you all right?" she asked.   
  
Trowa blinked, snapping back to the mission, although he couldn't shake the image of a broken and bloody Quatre. He'd only seen him like that once, immediately following his encounter with Dorothy Catalonia and her fencing blade. It had killed him then and it was killing him once again.   
  
He cleared his throat. As he spoke, he bent down to pick up the paper. "Yeah. Yeah, everything's…" The sentence died as his Preventer ID badge slipped out of his shirt pocket, landing with a soft thud on the newspaper, face-up and plain to the eye.   
  
Trowa looked up, and they locked stares for a brief, suspended moment. He watched her eyes grow wide, but before he could even plan out his next move, she bolted.   
  
"Shit."   
  
Pausing only to scoop up his badge, Trowa ran after her, following in the wake of annoyed people that she pushed out of her way. As he chased the target through the terminal, his earpiece flared to life and Wufei's enraged voice pounded in his head.   
  
"What the hell are you doing, Barton!!" he growled, forgoing the aliases. "She's getting away!!"   
  
"I've got it under control," he replied, breathlessly.   
  
"You damn well better!" his partner continued. "If you blow five months of undercover work…I swear…"   
  
Trowa reached up and tugged the device away from his ear, folding it up in his palm as he rounded a corner into the main gate area. He barely blinked, never taking his focus off of the target. She had begun to tire from her sudden sprint. He'd catch her before the back-up agents could; he had to. It was the only way to fix his mistake.   
  
Karen Wynstock reached a door and pulled at the handle, disappearing through it. Trowa barreled at the barrier a moment later, slamming the side of his body so hard into it that he could actually feel his shoulder dislocating. There was no time for him to register the pain; he found himself running down a set of stairs onto the launching pad where a shuttle waited for clearance to take off.   
  
She was only a couple yards ahead of him when she whipped her head around, presumably to see if he was still following her. In her panic, she stumbled and went down sprawling on the ground. Trowa easily covered the distance between them and grabbed her up before she could recover.   
  
"Please!" she shouted as he twisted her hands behind her back. "I don't know anything!" He ignored her. "I swear!!"   
  
"Karen Wynstock, you're being taken into custody for questioning in regards to the terrorist threat against President Relena Peacecraft." He repeated the familiar phrase in a dead tone and was just finishing up when Wufei and a few more Preventers arrived at the scene. "She's all yours," he told his partner, pushing the sobbing woman towards them.   
  
As he began to walk away, Wufei called after him. "Where do you think you're going?!"   
  
Trowa didn't turn around, but replied, "Someone needs me more than you do."   
  
****   
  
One month later   
  
Heero woke up to the soft flower scent of his lover's hair. He opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of the golden-spun locks on which his cheek rested. The warm length of her back rested against his chest. Relena was entirely within his embrace, exactly where she belonged.   
  
His hand was resting on her hip; he slowly slid it over her stomach, caressing the firm flesh that so lovingly protected their unborn child. Only two months left, Heero couldn't help but think. Two months and they'd be able to hold the baby. The proof of their love.   
  
Ever since they'd gone into seclusion, Heero had been reading up on babies, having had no training or life experience in how to deal with them. But now, he figured his knowledge might surpass Relena's. He knew that right then, the baby was nearly fully developed, and from then on, it would just be a matter of it growing bigger. He knew that it could hear his voice and even might be able to recognize him as its father.   
  
Father.   
  
Heero eased his arm out from under Relena's body and sat up, combing his fingers through his messy locks. She showed no signs of stirring, and he was glad for it. She was ever in need of rest.   
  
After tugging on a pair of shorts and giving his teeth a quick brush, he headed for the kitchen to start breakfast. His cooking had improved during their seclusion, more out of necessity than anything else. Still, his culinary skills didn't stretch much further than Relena's pancakes, as that was the only thing she ever wanted to eat.   
  
He cracked two eggs, fresh from the little market at the bottom of the mountain where they bought their supplies in carefully created disguises, into a bowl, and grabbed a whisk to start beating them. When they were ready, he added flour and milk.   
  
How hard would Duo laugh if he saw him now? The perfect soldier…standing in a kitchen, framed by gingham curtains, stirring the contents of a bowl with as much precision as he'd once used to pilot weapons of mass destruction. It comforted him to know that his first reaction to Duo's laughter would be a punch to the braided man's gut. At least he wasn't going completely soft.   
  
Setting the batter aside, he lit the pilot light on the stove and plopped a pat of butter into a skillet. Just as it started to sizzle, the communicator he kept without Relena's knowledge beeped for the first time in six months.   
  
Quickly, before the loud noise could wake her, Heero pulled off the top of the sugar jar and rooted around in the sweet supply until he hit plastic. Grabbing onto the baggie that encased the communicator, he yanked out the device. Only one person had permission to make contact, and he could only have one reason for taking advantage of it.   
  
"Chang," Heero said, flipping on the audio unit. "Go ahead."   
  
"Are you alone?"   
  
"Affirmative." He found himself slipping back into the role of Preventer with an ease that almost worried him. Heero dismissed the thought with a shrug of his bare shoulders, and waited for his old partner to go on.   
  
Wufei's voice edged on prideful as he reported, "It's safe for you to abort your mission, Yuy. We have a suspect in our custody and she's provided enough information about the attempt on the President's life for us to ensure her safety upon her return."   
  
The news filled Heero with a mean sense of justice. But something about the vagueness of the message tugged at him simultaneously. "How much information is 'enough,'" he asked, sharply. "Is it enough to hang the responsible parties? Is it enough for an antidote? What standard are you using to measure what's 'enough'?"   
  
"The standard standard," Wufei shot back, his tone dry. "You'll just have to trust me."   
  
Heero bit down on his tongue, scowling. Trusting anyone else with Relena's life, not to mention the one growing inside of her, was too much to ask of him. "If you have an antidote, I'll provide a location where you can have it sent to us. But until you give me some concrete proof that Relena's life is no longer in danger, I will not take her back."   
  
"Quit being a damn idiot!"   
  
"How do I know you're even Chang Wufei, and not a terrorist with a good voice simulator?"   
  
"Ah, and now we're paranoid, too, I see. I suppose that's what happens when you coop yourself up in the woods somewhere, like a hermit." Heero said nothing, so Wufei pressed on. "Listen. In the past six months, shit here has gone from bad to much worse. The vice-president has slippery control over everything the president managed so smoothly. We're not on the brink of war, but the world needs her." He paused. "You can't keep her locked up forever."   
  
But he would, he realized. He would, if it meant that she would always be safe.   
  
After a much longer pause, Heero finally spoke, giving precise coordinates of their secluded mountain cabin for the helicopter he knew Wufei would have sent. "We'll be ready to go within the hour."   
  
Heero tossed the communicator aside, turned off the stove and abandoned breakfast preparations entirely. He headed back into the bedroom. Relena was still asleep, although she'd shifted since he'd woken. Her hair covered most of her face and half of her pillow. Kneeling down next to the bed, Heero reached out to brush it away from her beautiful features. What the sunshine strands hid made him slump to his knees.   
  
A small pool of blood stained the white sheets, just underneath Relena's mouth, spreading even as he stared at it in utter terror.   
  
****   
  
To Be Continued 


	13. Morning light

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me. Well, not all of 'em anyway.  
  
Author's Notes: New part! Hope ya'll like it! Thanks for all the sweet reviews;)  
  
  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
  
  
After a long night on duty, Sally was just about to clock out and go home for a cup of tea, a sleeping pill and a few much-needed hours of blissful rest, when the medical base's communicator flared to life.   
  
"Incoming. Unresponsive female, 28 weeks pregnant. Page surgery. ETA by helicopter: 3.5 minutes."   
  
She sighed and reached for her lab coat, which she'd just shucked off. Draping her stethoscope over her neck, Sally summoned her best nurses. "Come on, everyone. That's not a lot of time."   
  
The helicopter landed right on schedule and the interns sent out to greet it wheeled a stretcher into her trauma room a mere minute later. It took Sally a few minutes of calling out orders before she recognized the patient lying so frighteningly still on the examination table.   
  
"Oh dear god in heaven," she breathed. "It's…"   
  
"Relena." Heero burst into the room with unyielding determination. Practically pushing one of her nurses out of the way, he reached for Relena's pale hand.   
  
"Commander Yuy." Sally swallowed. "It would be better for her if you'd wait outside."   
  
His hands shook as he brushed back limp locks of golden hair from Relena's forehead. "I'm not going anywhere while she's like this." Heero looked up at Sally, striking her down with the power of his eyes. She'd never seen fear like that before. Certainly not on Heero Yuy.   
  
"Heero."   
  
It was all she had to say to break him. To her utter shock, Heero lowered his head for a long moment and when he glanced back up, she saw hot tears in his eyes. "You bring her back to me," he demanded. His voice was choked with the unfamiliarity of emotions. "Please."   
  
"I will," she promised, although she had little right to make such guarantees.   
  
He lifted the back of Relena's hands up to his lips before he backed away, allowing the nurses to cluster around her once again.   
  
Heero stayed in the waiting room, pacing back and forth, up and down the halls, refusing food, refusing rest, refusing company until Sally came for him after what seemed like hours.   
  
"The baby is literally draining the life away from her," she told him. "She's conscious, but barely." Sally cleared her throat. "I don't need your consent, but I value your opinion as the baby's father. If the baby isn't born tonight, Relena will be dead by tomorrow."   
  
"Can it live…if it's born?" he asked, his throat raw.   
  
Sally nodded. "It has a very good chance."   
  
"And Relena?"   
  
She hesitated. "She's strong, Heero. She could make it through."   
  
He shook his head. "She's been hiding this from me…her pain and suffering. I would have taken it all myself if I could have. But she didn't let me in…"   
  
Sally sat down next to him. The chair was hard and cold, much like his hand when she took in hers. "Do you trust that I will do everything in my power to save them both?" It took him a few seconds, but Heero finally nodded. "All right then. We'll prep her for surgery. You can speak to her for a moment, if you want. After that…call her brother. He should be here, too."   
  
He nodded again, curtly this time. After a moment, Heero stood up and walked towards the exam room where Relena lay, waiting for him. Sally released a pent up breath and slumped back into the chair. Surprisingly enough, she no longer felt tired. She would bring Relena and Heero's child into the world and ensure that the young woman she admired so much would survive the ordeal. It was the greatest responsibility she could imagine, but the reward of seeing the President healthy and happy would be even greater.   
  
She hauled herself up and turned around, literally coming face to face with Chang Wufei.   
  
"Commander Chang!" Sally took a step away from his powerful presence. How could someone younger than her bother her so much? "What are you doing here?"   
  
"I brought the President in." He paused. "How is she?"   
  
"Better. But not out of the woods." Sally cleared her throat. "It's been awhile. You look…well."   
  
Wufei frowned. "I'm not here because I'm sick."   
  
She sighed. Frustrating…good gods, the man could piss off a saint! "That's not what I…" Sally stopped. It was useless. He was years her junior; it was obvious that he saw nothing attractive about an older woman such as her. "I have to go…get ready. I'm delivering the President's baby tonight."   
  
"Good luck."   
  
She turned her head back around to see him. There was genuine concern in his tone and it surprised her. "Save those wishes for the President. She'll need them."   
  
  
  
Relena tried to stop herself from shaking with fear when Heero gently enfolded her in his arms, but the fear had taken hold of her, and refused to let go. His strong body, warm skin and steady heartbeat couldn't placate her. But it wasn't fear for her own life that coursed through her poisoned body.   
  
"Heero," she whispered against his chest. "The baby…if something happens and I don't…"   
  
He cut her off quickly. "Don't even say it. It's not going to happen, Relena."   
  
"It's not something you can control." She looked up at his strong jaw. It quivered ever so slightly; he was still fighting his emotions. "I want our baby to grow up knowing nothing but love. Promise me, Heero…promise me that it will."   
  
"This is a pointless conversation," he said, almost coldly. His head dropped; instant regret washed over him. "I just mean…you're not leaving me, Relena. I won't let you."   
  
She smiled through her tears. "Do you have any idea how many times I wished you wouldn't leave me? But you always did…"   
  
"I had to. For your own good."   
  
Her smile fell. "Maybe I'll have to leave this time. For your own good."   
  
The last sentence came out as a whisper so low that Heero didn't entirely catch it. And he had no time to question her about it, since Sally reappeared just then, clad in a fresh pair of surgical scrubs with a mask hanging around her neck. Two nurses followed her; they carried trays of sterilized instruments.   
  
"Commander Yuy…can you make the call we talked about while we prep the President?" she asked.   
  
He pried himself away from Relena with great reluctance and murmured assurances that he would return immediately.   
  
"He can't understand…" The President shook her head against the starched sheets covering the table. "Maybe no man can…what a woman will go through for…" She gingerly touched her protruding belly.   
  
Sally signaled to the one of her nurses who set down her tray and walked around behind Relena's head. "I'm going to give you something to relax you. Just breathe deeply." When the younger woman's eyes closed, the nurse placed a rubber mask over her nose and mouth. "It'll be over before you know it."   
  
  
  
By the time Millardo and Noin arrived at the hospital, the baby had been born. The young couple entered the med bay, laden down with a stroller, diaper bag, car seat and their own baby, one month old Elissa, who slept peacefully in the crook of her father's arm.   
  
Sally greeted them without a word, and ushered them up to the heavily guarded recovery room. Millardo paused at the door, unsure of whether or not he was prepared for what lay on the other side. No one had spoken of death, but the atmosphere was anything but joyful. Taking a deep breath, he transferred Elissa to Noin and pushed his way inside.   
  
The first thing he saw was Relena, sitting up in bed; there was color in her cheeks, a healthy glow he hadn't ever seen on her. Heero stood over her awkwardly, like he wasn't sure what his place was there. But there was something different about him. His expression…it was peaceful. Was that a smile trying to creep to life? On his former enemy, it was unsettling.   
  
His sister looked up and noticed him just then. "Millardo!" Her voice was soft, but so happy. "Come and meet your niece."   
  
That was when he noticed the little person in Relena's arms. She was wrapped up in pink cloth from head to toe, and so much smaller than his own daughter had been when she was born, but from the way Relena beamed at her, he could tell that it didn't matter one bit.   
  
"My god," he whispered as he took a few steps closer.   
  
Noin came up behind him. "Oh Relena…she's beautiful."   
  
"Her name is Gisele." Heero blinked when the two stunned gazes swung over to him. "Relena chose it."   
  
"It's my favorite ballet," the brand-new mother explained. "Maybe she'll be a ballerina someday…"   
  
Her words faded into a delicate yawn and Sally stepped forward. "The President needs rest," she quietly decreed. "And we have more tests to run on Gisele." She reached for the baby as she spoke, but Relena was reluctant to hand her over.   
  
"Heero hasn't held her yet," she told Sally.   
  
He knelt down next to her. "Let's do what Sally thinks is best."   
  
She nodded and let the older woman take her baby and place her in the portable incubator, which was then wheeled away by a nurse. "Stay with me," Relena asked Heero when he stood up. "Until I fall asleep?" He nodded shortly, entwining her fingers with his.   
  
Millardo had a million questions, and the long pent-up desire to blacken Heero's eye, but he found himself being ushered right back out of the room. Once he regained control of his tongue, he turned on Sally. "She's all right?" he demanded to know.   
  
The doctor sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "She's stable. For now."   
  
Elissa began to squirm; Noin lightly patted her little back to calm her. "What does that mean?"   
  
"It means, I don't know how long this…remission of sorts will last. It might just be that she's so happy. Mind over matter. Look." Sally attempted a smile. "Relena's feeling well, considering she just had an intrusive operation. From what we know so far, her baby is going to be just fine. And I swear I saw Heero Yuy nearly faint when he heard his daughter cry for the first time. It's been one amazing day, and I don't want to drag it down with all sorts of speculations about what might or might not happen tomorrow."   
  
"But you have speculations," Millardo countered, his voice prickly "That means you think my sister…"   
  
Sally cut him off just as sharply. "What your sister needs is positive thoughts from the people she loves. That's the only thing I know for sure is going to get her through whatever comes next."   
  
  
  
During the lull between spikes on the heart monitor next to Quatre's hospital bed, Trowa didn't dare breathe. He would only sip air after another peak in the green line, another tiny affirmation that the man he loved was still alive.   
  
For days, weeks, he had done this as he sat in the cold, stark room, waiting for Quatre to wake. He ate only when nurses brought him a sandwich or a cup of coffee; he slept in bits and pieces…just enough to stay sane. He was a fixture in the hospital, their most prominent patient's personal guardian, a man so consumed by grief that he was quite literally broken.   
  
Because they were so used to his presence, and suspected he barely took note of them, the two nurses who came in to take Quatre's vital signs kept up a steady stream of chatter as they worked, mindless of the man seated next to the bed.   
  
"He doesn't want to have children," the older nurse said as she replaced a saline bag with a fresh one. "So what you're saying is...he's a man."   
  
"He's a jerk," her younger co-worker corrected. "I should have realized that years ago and not wasted my time." She withdrew some blood from Quatre's arm and sighed. "I just see everyone around me, and they all have babies. Even the President!"   
  
"The President had a baby? I didn't even know she was pregnant."   
  
The women barely noticed that Trowa had started to pay attention.   
  
"I heard it on the news. It would explain where's she been better than that poison story she gave us awhile back."   
  
The older nurse lowered her voice. "She's not married! So who's the father?"   
  
"No one's saying anything for sure, but I figure it's got to be that gorgeous bodyguard of hers. He can come protect my house anytime."   
  
The women laughed as they retreated with the blood sample, leaving Trowa alone with Quatre once again.   
  
He looked at his lover, so pale and still in the bed. The wounds he'd sustained in the explosion had healed, leaving only faint marks, but he still remained in darkness, unwilling or unable to come back to life.   
  
"Did you hear that?" Trowa said. "Heero's a father. That's going to take some getting used to, isn't it? I feel like I should do something, but…what? I mean, you'd probably send flowers, but can you imagine me doing that? I wouldn't have the first idea what kind of…" He stopped. "Flowers." Trowa's eyes darted back and forth. "Oh….shit."   
  
He jumped to his feet and dug into his pocket for his communicator. "Chang," he said once his partner answered. "Yeah, it's me. Are we on a secure line?" After a moment, Trowa continued, "I know how Relena was poisoned."   
  
  
  
To Be Continued 


	14. Don't take the girl

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: I apologize for the delay. I had some surgery, nothing major, but I no longer possess a gallbladder...it's kind of cool. Anywho, enjoy this chapter! And that's all I'm going to say.  
  
  
  
Be My Downfall  
  
by Kristen Elizabeth  
  
  
  
"Well, Relena, I think the two of you have it worked out already."   
  
The new mother's face glowed as she looked down at her newborn daughter. After only one try, Gisele had latched onto her breast, and was currently taking her important first feeding with ease.   
  
"She's got her father's will," Relena murmured. "Accept no failures." She shook her head in amazement. "It's the oddest feeling."   
  
Sally smiled. "I've heard other mothers say that. I hope to find out myself someday."   
  
The President leaned back against her pillow. "I wasn't sure I'd ever get to do this. And I know I wouldn't have if not for you, Dr. Po. Thank you, so much."   
  
"Truly, it was my pleasure." Sally cleared her throat. "You're not out of the woods yet, though. As soon as she's asleep, I have a whole battery of tests I'm afraid I'll have to put you through."   
  
"It's all right." Relena cuddled her baby closer to her body. "Whatever it takes, I'll gladly do it."   
  
There was a knock on the door just then. Sally frowned. "Doesn't anyone pay attention to the nursing mother sign?" she asked out loud. "Who is it?"   
  
"Heero," was the short reply.   
  
Relena's face lit up. "Come in, Heero!"   
  
He let himself in tentatively and froze for a second when he saw Relena topless, feeding their daughter from her bare breast. "Should I come back later?"   
  
"Don't be silly." She waved him over with her free hand. "It's nothing you haven't seen before. Look…she's feeding with no problem. Dr. Po says that's a really good sign."   
  
"It means she won't have to be in the PICU for much longer than a couple more days," Sally informed him. "You might even be able to take her home at the end of the week."   
  
"Home." Relena savored the word. "Isn't it wonderful, Heero?"   
  
Cupping her face in his broad palm, he looked at her with tenderness Sally never would have believed if she hadn't seen it, but said nothing. It didn't seem like he needed to. Somehow, Relena just knew, and it was obvious to anyone from the way her eyes closed in pure bliss.   
  
Gisele broke the moment by letting go of Relena's nipple and whimpering slightly. Relena instantly looked down at her. "Should I burp her now?"   
  
"I'll see that she's burped," Sally said. "You need to rest for a moment before we get started on those tests."   
  
Relena glanced up at Heero. "Heero needs to hold her. He still hasn't…" She stopped short.   
  
Heero's eyes grew wide. "Relena…what is it? Are you all right?"   
  
"Just tired." She gave him a weak smile, but even her weakest smiles were brilliant to him. "I'll be all right. It's just been a crazy couple of days, you know."   
  
Sally nodded, understanding, but she still reached for Gisele. "As soon as we're done, I'll bring her back. I promise."   
  
"And then Heero can hold her." Relena let her baby go with even more reluctance than she had before. "Bye-bye, angel. Mommy and Daddy love you so much."   
  
Carefully cradling Gisele in her arms, Sally left them alone. Heero grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to Relena's bed. "Are you really all right, or just saying so? You can understand my concern; you kept me in the dark about your condition the whole time we were away."   
  
"And I hated every moment of lying to you. But I knew you'd bring me back here, and I couldn't bear the thought of us being forced apart again."   
  
"You still should have told me you were in pain. I would have…I don't know." He ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Taken better care of you."   
  
Relena took his hand in her cool one. "Heero, no woman has ever been better cared for than I have been for the past few months. So, yes, I really am all right. I have the man I love beside me and my daughter is going to be healthy and beautiful…and I'm not going anywhere."   
  
"Good." He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her mouth. "I intend to hold you to that."   
  
Relena kissed him back, savoring the warmth of his lips. "I love you, Heero."   
  
He pulled back and looked her straight in the eye. "Marry me," he said suddenly.   
  
She studied his face for a long moment, searching for any signs that he might be kidding around. He never blinked as he sat, waiting for her response.   
  
"All right," Relena replied, her voice hoarse with emotion. "I will."   
  
Duo had once said that Heero probably hadn't even been born with the capacity to genuinely smile. Well, Relena was happy to report that Duo was very wrong.   
  
  
  
After Gisele was burped, changed and laid down in her warmed bassinet, Sally paused for a jolt of caffeine at the nurse's station just down the hall from the President's guarded room. She listened to the chatter around her as she poured herself a strong cup of coffee. Most of the gossip centered around their very important patient, or more specifically, her secret, illegitimate pregnancy. Sally was tempted to put an end to the rumors, but she wasn't sure what she would say to do so. Relena was unmarried and she had hid her condition from the entire world by disappearing with her lover for five months. And that lover was her Preventer bodyguard. There wasn't much being whispered that wasn't the truth.   
  
She sipped from her cup as she flipped through a few charts. Just when she was about to flag down a nurse to begin the preparations for Relena's tests, the chatter grew even louder. Curious, Sally looked up from her paperwork.   
  
A massive arrangement of flowers blocked her view of anything else. The female nurses were gathered around it, admiring the beautiful blossoms. Roses, lilies, snapdragons, and irises…it was classic and unique and truly breathtaking.   
  
"They just arrived," one nurse answered the doctor's unspoken question. "They're for President Peacecraft."   
  
"How lovely," Sally murmured. "I'll take them to her; I'm on my way to her room." Tucking a chart under one arm, she struggled to lift the heavy glass vase. "Anyone want to lend a hand?"   
  
It took two grown women to carry the flowers down the hall, past the posted guard, and into Relena's room. It was worth the trip though to see Heero perched on the edge of the bed, one arm wrapped securely around the President's shoulders, not to mention seeing the misty tears of happiness in the woman's blue eyes.   
  
"Special delivery for you, Madam President," Sally said from behind the blooms.   
  
"Oh!" Relena looked at Heero. "Did you…?"   
  
"I wish I could take credit for it," he said, regretfully. "Here." He stood up and took the vase from the women. "Was there a card? Has it been thoroughly examined?"   
  
"I'm sure it has been," Sally replied. "Nothing gets past the lobby without being screened, down to the very last rosebud."   
  
"Can you put them near the window, Heero?" He did as Relena asked; she admired the results for a moment. "It brightens up the whole room there, but I think I'd rather have them closer to me. I imagine they smell heavenly. They're certainly beautiful enough."   
  
Heero carried them back over to her. "They've got nothing on you." Relena's cheeks colored with pleasure. He set the vase down next to her bed, close enough to her that she could reach out and touch the soft petals.   
  
"I wonder if Millardo sent them?" she mused, leaning over as much as she could to inhale the combined perfumes of the various flowers. "I was right…heavenly."   
  
Although he could have stayed by her side and watched her all day, Heero's beeper suddenly went off. His hand flew to his belt to check it. "Damn," he muttered. "Chang. Relena, I should…"   
  
"It's okay," she told him, honestly. "Go take the call."   
  
Heero leaned over her bed and gave her a long, soft kiss. "I'll be back."   
  
"I know." Relena gave him a little wink when he reached the door and looked back at her. "I love you, Heero."   
  
He almost said it back, but something stopped him at the last minute, and all he did was lower his head in acknowledgement. It was such a small moment, such a relatively insignificant event, but later, he would hate himself for it.   
  
Because communicator calls were not permitted within the hospital, Heero had to go outside in order to get a secured line through to Preventer headquarters. Once he had, Wufei's face appeared on the tiny screen.   
  
"Yuy. About time," he said without further greeting.   
  
"This had better be good, Chang," Heero replied roughly. "Relena needs me."   
  
In the past, his partner would have snorted or made some sort of derisive remark about women, so Heero was almost taken aback when Wufei nodded. "Yes. She does. Especially now."   
  
"What's going on?"   
  
"I just received a message from Trowa." Wufei paused. "He's figured out how Relena was poisoned."   
  
Heero's eyes narrowed in thin slits. "Tell me. Now."   
  
"I went back over all the files, all the people we interviewed, especially her secretary, and I didn't find anything…but then I dug just a little bit deeper."   
  
"I said now, Chang."   
  
His partner took a breath. "On the night before she received the letter, Relena had a dinner date with Karen Wynstock's ex-husband. According to the finance check we did on him, on that day he had flowers sent to her office."   
  
"Flowers," Heero repeated.   
  
"It's the only thing we never checked, because we never found them. She probably dumped the evidence the minute she got into the office the next day. At the same time she planted the letter in the President's mail. It fits, Heero. The poison was in the flowers. And Relena inhaled it." He paused for another breath. "Yuy? Hello? Are you there?"   
  
He never got a reply. Heero had dropped the communicator and taken off back into the hospital.   
  
  
  
He reached Relena's room at the same time as a rushing group of doctors and nurses, three of whom were pushing a bright red crash-cart.   
  
"No," he said between heavy, frightened breaths. "No…Relena…please."   
  
Heero began bypassing nurses, pushing them out of the way if they were stubborn. "Sir!" one of the more stubborn ones called out. "Sir, you can't go in there." She went for his arm to pull him back from the door. "The doctors need room to…"   
  
He effectively silenced her with the sheer power of his glare. "I'm going in."   
  
The petrified woman nodded. "Okay." Heero pushed past her and flung the door open.   
  
"I don't understand," Sally was in the middle of saying to her nurses. "She was just fine two minutes ago!"   
  
"Doctor, she's hypotensive. BP's 70 over 40."   
  
"Shit!" Sally rubbed her arm across her forehead. "Um…get the paddles ready. 100 setting." Another nurse reached for the crash cart and grabbed two metal handles attached to cords and handed them to Sally. Yet another nurse adjusted something on a small computer screen. "Clear."   
  
Heero closed his eyes when Relena's body jumped from the shock. He couldn't watch. Bile rose up in his throat.   
  
"65 over 40," a nurse called out.   
  
"Again," Sally ordered.   
  
Heero put a hand over his mouth, backing up all the way to the wall. With his eyes still closed, all he could do was listen.   
  
"C'mon, Relena," Sally said. "Please don't make me open you up."   
  
"She's not breathing!"   
  
"Intubation kit, 35 French." A moment passed. "I'm in. Bag her."   
  
"Still nothing, Doctor. Heart rate's down, BP still crashing."   
  
"Please, Relena. C'mon…don't do this." Sally's tone turned from pleading to commanding. "Get surgery down here. We're going to have to open her up."   
  
A machine went off, emitting a shrill series of beeps. "Asystole!"   
  
"Vasopressin, 100 cc's."   
  
Minutes dragged by. Heero's heart beat at the base of his throat, fast and hard. So ironic. His heart wouldn't slow down and Relena's wouldn't start up. The voices turned in a muted blurb of noise, muffled and distant. For a long time, he heard nothing specific. Until Sally said, "No, no adrenaline. We'll overload her systems. Any rhythms?"   
  
"Nothing, doctor."   
  
Sally paused. "How long has it been?"   
  
"Twenty minutes."   
  
"Stop compressions." Heero's eyes flew open just in time to see Sally look up at the clock, blinking rapidly. "Time of death, 1445."   
  
"No. No…no…no…NO!" On autopilot, Heero reached into his hip holster for his weapon. With clammy, shaky hands, he raised the gun at the nurses. "Keep going. Give her whatever you have to…get her back!"   
  
The nurses froze, staring at the madman holding them at gunpoint.   
  
Sally licked her dry lips. "Heero, put down the…"   
  
"Shut up," he spat out, coldly. "Do your fucking job, or I swear I will kill you."   
  
"Relena wouldn't want this."   
  
"Relena would want to live." He cocked the trigger. "And if you want to do the same, I suggest you get to work."   
  
With all the bravado she could muster, Sally walked straight for him. He flinched when she touched his hand. "You're not a killer anymore. Don't disappoint her."   
  
His fingers relaxed as his knees grew weak. She took the opportunity to gently pry the gun away from him. Heero's arms flopped to his sides. "Bring her back to me," he whispered. "Please. God, Sally, please." He choked back hot tears. "Please, please…I need her."   
  
"Heero." She swallowed heavily. "She's gone."   
  
Just then, the door opened and a nurse entered with a pink cotton bundle in her arms. "Dr. Po, it's time for her next feeding." Seeing the chaos, and the very still body of the baby's mother on the bed, the woman stopped short.   
  
Heero couldn't keep himself from looking over at the nurse carrying Gisele. He could see a tiny bit of the baby's face in the sea of pink, the tuft of dark hair on her forehead that would never be Relena's golden blonde.   
  
"Take her, Heero," Sally urged him. The nurse approached them and held the baby out to its father. "She needs you."   
  
He couldn't make his arms work. And he wasn't entirely sure he even wanted them to. Taking the baby, holding her, feeling her warmth and life while Relena grew colder…he couldn't do it.   
  
Shaking his head, Heero backed away from his daughter. "I can't."   
  
Without another word, he bolted out of the room. He didn't stop until he was outside in the fresh air. He gulped in huge breaths, his stomach rolling and churning. A bird chirped in a nearby tree and several people passed him by with strange looks. He couldn't fight his stomach anymore, and Heero vomited into the bushes.   
  
Bent over at the waist, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as crushing sorrow broke down every single one of his emotional barriers. "Relena," he cried out. "Relena!!"   
  
  
  
"…the procession starts from the gates of the Presidential Mansion and takes a two-mile path through the center of what was once the Sanq Kingdom, the country of her birth, and will end up at the Old City Cathedral. After the ceremony and an unprecedented five day's viewing, it will be taken to the church's ancient cemetery and Relena Dorlian Peacecraft, President of the Earth-Space United Nations, the people's Queen, will be laid to rest amongst her ancestors. A proper, yet untimely end to a beautiful life."   
  
The nurse changing Quatre's IV bag shook her head sadly. "Mr. Barton, would it be all right if I turned the television off? It's just so horribly sad."   
  
Trowa shook his head. When he spoke, his throat was raw. "Leave it on. He'd want to see it." He looked down at his sleeping love. "They were friends, you know."   
  
"I didn't. Did you know her, too?"   
  
He thought for a moment. "No. Not really." A second passed. "I should have, though. The things she did…gave my life purpose again. And I never thanked her. None of us ever thanked her."   
  
The nurse looked back up at the screen. "I voted for her. She's about my age. Was." She shook her head. "I'll never understand why the good ones die young."   
  
"Me neither," Trowa whispered when the nurse was gone. On the television, a group of fifty children marched solemnly just behind the carriage that bore Relena's coffin. But just in front of them, the pallbearers, the men who would carry the President from the carriage to the cathedral walked along. Three unidentified Preventers, and next to them, three familiar faces. Chang Wufei, Duo Maxwell, and Millardo Peacecraft.   
  
"We should be there," he told Quatre's still body. Something struck him. A missing face. "He should be there."   
  
But no matter how hard he scanned the crowds that lined the streets for a final glimpse at their fallen princess, he did not see Heero Yuy's face.   
  
He didn't have time to think much more on it. Something touched his wrist and he jumped, instantly on guard.   
  
Quatre's fingers reached out to him; his blue-green eyes slowly began to open. Upon seeing Trowa, he gave him a dry smile. "Hey." He tried lick his lips to wet them. "What have I missed?"   
  
To Be Continued 


	15. Look away

Disclaimer: Characters within do not belong to me. Obviously.  
  
Author's Notes: Such a delay! My extreme apologies. It's been a crazy couple of months. But the chapter's here now. I know many people were upset by the last chapter, and I just wanted to say how touched I was by the emotions displayed in your reviews. I love Relena, too. But we always hurt the ones we love, don't we? Anyways, I hope you'll keep reading, no matter what happens next. Take care! And thanks again:)

* * *

Be My Downfall

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

"Is she sleeping yet?"  
  
Hilde glanced up at her husband as he entered the nursery, acknowledging him before returning her attention to the baby in her arms. "Wide awake. She'll drop off soon though."  
  
Duo stopped at the side of the crib in which his seven month-old son slept peacefully. He swallowed a massive lump in his throat. "Did she take enough of the bottle?"  
  
"More than usual," Hilde replied. "We're getting better. Aren't we, Gisele?" The little girl waved a tiny fist at her. "Poor sweetheart."  
  
"I caught the news downstairs." She waited patiently for Duo to go on. "Karen Wynstock's dead."  
  
"Wynstock…" Hilde frowned as she thought. "Isn't she the woman who…"  
  
"Poisoned Relena the first time? Yeah." He folded his arms tightly across his chest. "They found her hanging in her cell. Suicide. Supposedly."  
  
"Supposedly?" Hilde bit her lip hard enough to cause tears to spring to her eyes as she caught Duo's unspoken implication. "Why would he…now? It's been a month since she died."  
  
"Got me. Maybe he held out as long as he could. Maybe he's been in a drunken stupor all this time. Whatever." Her husband rubbed his hands down his face. "It was a stupid move. The woman hadn't given up any information about her organization. So now…they might never know who gave…" He stopped.  
  
"Who gave Relena the other half of the poison," Hilde whispered. "Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe she felt guilty and…and…"  
  
"It was Heero," he told her flatly. "Don't ask me how; I just know."  
  
Hilde didn't speak for a long moment. "I suppose I thought it was just a matter of time before he came to terms with her death and came back for his daughter. Will he be able to do that now?"  
  
"He won't be charged with murder if that's what you're asking."  
  
"It's not." Hilde's gaze dropped down; Gisele had finally fallen asleep. "I don't know if I can hand her over to him if he ever comes back…knowing that he…"  
  
"She's his daughter. Relena knew what he was capable of, but she still wanted him to be the father of her children. Who are we…who am I to judge him? I've killed hundreds. Thousands maybe. Does that mean I don't deserve to be Jeremiah's father?"  
  
Hilde's eyes burned with anger and grief. "You didn't abandon Jeremiah on his first day in this world, and disappear without a trace, Duo."  
  
"You're forgetting something, babe." Duo unfolded his arms. "You didn't die on the day he was born, either."  
  
Silence cloaked the little room of the apartment they'd leased immediately after arriving on Earth for Relena's funeral. They hadn't known then that they'd become Gisele's caretakers, but when it became clear that there was no one else, the Maxwell's hadn't hesitated in the least. It wouldn't last much longer, however. Just until Relena's family was able to permanently relocate from Mars. Then, the Peacecrafts would take little Gisele until her father returned for her.  
  
If he returned for her.  
  
Hilde stood up and carried Heero and Relena's baby to her own crib. She laid the child down with a kiss to her forehead. Duo watched her and when she was done, she looked back at him. An apology passed between them without a word being said and Hilde ran for the comfort of her husband's strong arms.  
  
"She needs her father," Hilde cried into Duo's chest. His response was to stroke her back. "She needs him, Duo."  
  
Duo closed his eyes and rested his cheek on the top of his wife's head. "Babe, I think he probably needs her, too."

* * *

Lying in bed with Trowa, Quatre watched the news with a heavy heart. The suicide of the only known participant in Relena's prolonged assassination seemed too unlikely. It hadn't mattered that she was locked up in a maximum security facility; to Heero, it would have been a minor challenge.  
  
"I know what you're thinking," Trowa murmured.  
  
"Do you think…"  
  
He didn't have to finish his question. "If he did, I can't quite bring myself to blame him."  
  
Quatre looked away from the screen. "She was being brought to justice."  
  
"Apparently not fast enough."  
  
"She might have given up the names of her associates!"  
  
"Or she could have strung us along for years." Trowa sat up. "There were no guarantees that she'd give us any real information."  
  
Quatre sighed. "And now there's no way she ever can." He touched his ribs and the scars that had been cut into his flesh by a terrorist's bomb and a surgeon's scalpel.  
  
"I'd do it," his lover said all of a sudden. "If they ever found the person who did that…I'd kill them."  
  
The simplicity and calm with which he spoke might have frightened anyone else. But Quatre merely nodded. "I know."  
  
Trowa lowered himself back down and slid his arm underneath Quatre's back to pull him closer. "Sometimes I have to remind myself that I didn't lose you. But Heero…he lost everything."  
  
"Not everything," Quatre reminded him. "He still has someone who needs him. Far more than Relena ever did."

* * *

Millardo's blood ran cold with hateful satisfaction as he read the daily news headlines as they flashed across the screen. Presidential assassinator dead. Suicide. No witnesses. He snorted softly. Heero. It had taken him awhile, but he'd finally gotten around to taking care of the problem. Relena could rest in peace.  
  
"What kind of peace?" Noin said later, when he told her the news. She was in the middle of packing the final boxes of their things in preparation for their move to Earth. Little Elissa lay in her motorized swing nearby, watching her parents with her father's clear blue eyes. "To Relena, no death could bring any sort of peace."  
  
"It brings peace to me," he snapped back. "My sister is dead. Now so is her killer."  
  
"Find your peace where you will," was all she'd said before handing him the packing tape and picking up Elissa in order to change her diaper.  
  
They hadn't spoken that night, or through most of the next day. It was only in the last hours of their final night on Mars that Noin had finally broken her silent treatment.  
  
"I'm afraid," she said out loud as she stared at the ceiling.  
  
He turned his head on his pillow to look at her. "Of what?"  
  
"Now that he's done this…what if he can't ever come back for his daughter?" She continued quickly. "I'll take care of her as long as necessary, and I'll love her as if she were my own, but I'm not her mother. And you're not her father. She has parents, and if she can't have both of them…she deserves at least one."  
  
It was only later, after they'd made love and she'd fallen asleep in his arms, that Millardo let her words penetrate his grief-fueled hatred. Holding his wife's slender body, he cried for his sister, for her daughter, and for Heero Yuy.

* * *

Wufei had received the news from the prison before anyone else, but held off from processing it until the chaos had been sorted out. The woman had hung herself in her cell with her sheets. That was the official report. What wasn't on the official report was the still surveillance photo of a shadowed figure entering her cell block, or the off-the-record autopsy finding of an unidentified drug in Karen Wynstock's system.  
  
Back in his house after two days of bureaucratic nonsense, endless meetings, press conferences and interviews, the exhausted Preventer took a moment to brew himself a cup of tea before sitting down on his couch.  
  
If Heero had killed their only captured suspect in Relena's assassination, he would have to bring him in for questioning. It was not going to be an easy task, even if they could locate him. As far as he knew, the man hadn't even been so much as spotted in the month since the President's death.  
  
He sipped his tea. Somehow, instead of breaking down the fragile understructure of the government, the sudden death of the most powerful woman in the world had strengthened the resolve of the rest of the world's leaders to carry on in her name. It was as though her last act in the world had been to leave it a better place than it was before she began to take care of it. There would never be another leader like her, though, Wufei thought. For a woman…hell, for a human being…she'd been one of a kind. It was easy to see how she'd crippled the most formidable of all soldiers with grief.  
  
A knock on his door jarred him out of his thoughts. He scowled, silently cursing whoever had dared to even consider intruding on his privacy. But still, he stood up and went to answer it.  
  
On his way home, the sky had shown signs of an impending storm. Somewhere in the few minutes he'd been home, the bottom had dropped out, drenching everything in sight. Including the woman standing on his front stoop.  
  
"Commander Chang." Sally's teeth chattered slightly. "I'm sorry to bother you."  
  
He blinked. What the hell was the woman doing there? Years of carefully cultivated cold shoulders should have pushed him out of her mind where he belonged. But she was stubborn.  
  
"Can I come in?" she continued, penetrating his hard layers with a single, tortured look.  
  
Wufei stepped aside to allow her in, but still said nothing. He waited until she'd hung up her wet coat and stepped out of her muddy shoes before speaking. "What do you want?"  
  
He'd never seen any cracks in her professional veneer. He'd certainly never seen her cry. So when she broke down into tears right in front of him, he had absolutely no idea what to do or say. He simply watched her.  
  
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I know I shouldn't have come here. I know we're not friends. But I didn't have anywhere else to…" Tears mixed with the rain water running down her cheeks. "I can't keep going like I have been, pretending I'm all right."  
  
"Woman, I have no idea what you mean."  
  
Sally wiped her eyes. "Of course you don't." She drew in a breath. "This was stupid of me. I should go."  
  
He caught her arm before she could grab her coat. "You're here. You might as well stay until the storm's over."  
  
She followed him into the living room. "Sit," he instructed, pointing to the couch. "I'll get you a towel."  
  
When he returned with the towel and a hot cup of tea, Sally had her head cradled in her hands, but she'd stopped crying. She turned her face up towards him and he had to clear his throat and look away. "Thank you," she whispered.  
  
He sat across from her on the wooden coffee table that had come with the house and waited until she had taken her hair down and dried it off. It hung like wet gold around her shoulders. She took her tea, warming her hands around the cup.  
  
"Patients die," Sally began a moment later. "You get used to it. You have to. But when it's a friend…someone you respect…someone you care about…" Her chin trembled. "I didn't fight hard enough for Relena's life."  
  
"According to all reports, you did everything possible," he stated.  
  
She shook her head. "There must have been something I didn't do, something I overlooked. I can't stop thinking about it. She was fine! She was happy. And then…she was gone. And I couldn't stop it."  
  
Wufei combed his fingers through his hair. "Well, that makes two of us, woman." Sally shot him a puzzled look. "I couldn't stop it either."  
  
His words had some impact, as her shoulders began to relax. "It wasn't your fault," she told him quietly.  
  
"Any more than it was yours," he replied.  
  
They stared at each other for a long minute. Something snapped between them and before Wufei could make himself stop, he was on top of her on the couch. Her tea cup lay on the floor, the dark liquid soaking into the carpet, and he couldn't care less. She was kissing him back, hot and hard, as eager to rid him of his clothes as he was to get hers off.  
  
He marveled at the beauty of her body. She might have been a few years older than he, but one would never know it from looking at her perfect figure. She opened up to him and he took the invitation with a muffled groan of pleasure.  
  
"Wufei," she moaned into his ear, enticing him to thrust harder, faster.  
  
Her release came first, but he followed soon after, collapsing on top of her, sweaty and satisfied in a way he never had been after sex before.  
  
She sighed and turned her face into his neck. "I thought you didn't find me attractive."  
  
"Woman." Wufei lifted himself up onto his elbow to look down at her. "Don't be all feminine. I've wanted you for years."  
  
He might have been content to stay entwined with her on the couch for the rest of the night, if not for the sudden buzzing sound from his communicator.  
  
"Shit." He pulled out of her warmth with great reluctance.  
  
"It's all right," Sally told him, her blue eyes clouding over. "I'll just clean up and get going."  
  
"Stay," he commanded as he pulled on his pants. Softening his tone, he added, "I'll be right back."  
  
When he returned to the living room twenty minutes later, she was dressed in his abandoned shirt and nothing else as she scrubbed the tea stain out of his carpet.  
  
"Sally." She looked up and smiled, her smile fading when she caught sight of his expression. "I have to go."  
  
"I understand," she said, standing up. "Duty calls."  
  
"Heero's been spotted," Wufei said, letting the secret spill from his lips with ease that amazed him. How was it that he trusted this woman so much, when he made it a personal habit not to trust anyone? Had one fantastic bout of sex managed to break down all of his walls…or had she been chipping away at them for years? He couldn't think about it right then. He had his assignment, straight from Lady Une herself.  
  
"I'm being sent to bring him in."

* * *

To Be Continued 


	16. My girl

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me unless you never saw them on the show.  
  
Author's Notes: Enjoy this chapter;) And thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. I know I say it a lot, but it's only because I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

* * *

Be My Downfall

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

He came quietly, without bloodshed, and that both perplexed and worried Wufei. Where was the suicidal pilot he'd once fought to near death? The man he'd always assumed slept with a loaded gun under his pillow and a cyanide capsule between his teeth had allowed a Preventer officer to handcuff him and lead him out of his rancid motel room without putting up so much as a minor scuffle. Something was definitely wrong.  
  
Wufei watched Heero through the one-way glass that separated the interrogation room from the rest of the detention center. Still cuffed, he sat with his hands twisted behind his back, staring at the wooden table without blinking. He needed to shower and shave in the worst way. A few pots of coffee and a couple days of sleep wouldn't hurt either.  
  
After a long time, Heero lifted his head. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot. Even though it was impossible for him to see anything more than his own reflection in the deceptive window, the hairs on the back of Wufei's neck rose.  
  
"What are you waiting for, Chang?"  
  
Nothing, he had to admit to himself. He was just morbidly mesmerized with this strange incarnation of Heero Yuy. Murderer he was used to. Assassin he could deal with easily. But grieving lover and absentee father…that was something new and unsettling.  
  
Wufei entered the room with a single folder. He took the chair opposite the detainee and placed the folder between them on the table. It was another long moment of contemplation before he spoke.  
  
"Karen Wynstock."  
  
Heero didn't even blink. "What about her?"  
  
"She's dead. And you killed her." Wufei continued when Heero said nothing. "Unjust or not, her death has to be investigated. If you confess, I can help you."  
  
"I have nothing to say."  
  
Wufei pushed away from the table and stood up. "You're in a shitload of trouble, Yuy. Half the population wanted the President's assassin held accountable, but you cheated them out of that. You also erased any chance of us finding the real brains behind the operation."  
  
"There were no brains behind any of it," Heero muttered.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Wufei scowled. "Who the hell do you think you are, keeping information from me? If you know something, you tell me right the hell now."  
  
"I told you. I have nothing to say."  
  
"Yes. Well." His former partner cleared his throat. "I have things to say. But first, I want to show you something." Wufei reached out and flipped the folder open, revealing a large photo. "Look at it, Heero. Look at your daughter."  
  
Visibly fighting with himself, Heero struggled to keep from looking down. But he slipped and caught a quick glance. Gisele beamed up at him, toothless and beautiful, with her mother's eyes and baby-fine wisps of his dark brown hair. Something resembling a choked cry escaped the back of Heero's throat. His eyes darted up to the ceiling. "Close it up," he ordered in a heavy voice.  
  
"No." Wufei picked up the picture. "She looks like her mother, doesn't she?"  
  
"Don't…" Heero swallowed. "Arrest me, lock me up, I don't care. Just…shut up."  
  
"Maxwell's woman says she's starting to lift her head up when she's on her stomach. Apparently that's some sort of milestone. I'm also supposed to tell you that she's eating about two ounces at every feeding and that when you touch her hand…she curls her fingers around yours."  
  
Heero jerked against his handcuffs. "I said shut up!!" Unable to move, he glared at the other man with red, wet eyes.  
  
"Why? So you can keep pretending you're not a father? That you aren't tied to anyone? Sorry. I'm not about to let you hide out in a whisky bottle just because she died." He paused. "Wouldn't she want you taking care of your daughter?"  
  
"Relena…" Heero forced himself to say her name. "Relena would want to take care of her daughter."  
  
"She's not coming back, Heero."  
  
"I'm not insane, Chang."  
  
"And I'm not some damn counselor, but here I am, dispensing cheesy advice." He sat back down across from Heero. "If you confess to killing Karen Wynstock, no jury in the universe will sentence you to any time, given the circumstances. But if you hold out on me, there'll be a trial and maybe a conviction and you'll spend the rest of your life…and most of your daughter's…in jail."  
  
"She'd be better off." Heero closed his eyes. "She'd be much better off."  
  
Wufei played the last card he had. "Do you really want Duo Maxwell raising your child?"  
  
"Nice try."  
  
"What about Zechs Merquise?"  
  
Heero hesitated for a brief second. "I'm done talking. Charge me or let me go."  
  
"You really don't care which, do you?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
Almost out of his already-short supply of patience, Wufei was about to launch into another wave of questions when he heard a knock on the glass window.  
  
He closed the door to the interrogation room behind him and faced Lady Une. "Ma'am." He saluted.  
  
"At ease, Commander. I'm here to make your life a little bit easier."  
  
When Wufei re-entered the room a few minutes later, he carried another folder with him, but this one he kept in his hands. Heero's eyes were shut again; his chin had fallen to his chest. They flew open when Wufei walked behind him and unlocked his cuffs.  
  
"What the hell? What's going on?"  
  
"You know exactly what's going on. You're free to leave."  
  
Newly freed, Heero remained seated. "I don't remember 'releasing detainee' being standard procedure."  
  
"Well, it is when the detainee didn't break any laws." Wufei opened the folder. "Autopsy results find that Karen Wynstock died of an overdose. She saved up her meds and downed them all. It really was a suicide." He snapped the folder shut. "But you were still there, weren't you?"  
  
Heero looked away.  
  
"What did you say to her? What did you get her to tell you about the President's assassins?"  
  
"There were no assassins," he spat out before he could stop himself. He'd trapped himself; Wufei would never be convinced to let the comment go until it was completely explained. Heero's knuckles turned white as he went on. "Don't you get it? There was no grand plot. No terrorists, no political threat. Just a vindictive bitch with a poison recipe."  
  
"Karen Wynstock acted alone? But the letter Relena got said…" He sighed. "It was just meant to lead us in the wrong direction, wasn't it?"  
  
"Relena trusted her. Helped her. She never knew who she was, that she was someone's estranged wife. Or that she happened to go on one fucking date with that someone. One date…and the psycho decides to kill…" He stopped short and ran the back of his hand across his mouth, as if to scrub away the word. "I went to her cell with every intention of making her death as slow and as painful as possible. It never would have been as much pain as she put Relena in for all those months. But it would have been something."  
  
"But you didn't kill her?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "I didn't touch her. When I left, she was alive."  
  
"Why didn't you kill her?"  
  
"Because." His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Relena wouldn't have wanted me to. Relena…would have forgiven her."  
  
Wufei blew out a long breath. "That's that, then."  
  
Seconds ticked by like hours. Finally, Heero stood. "Do I need to sign anything before I go?"  
  
"No." He paused. "Heero…go see your daughter."  
  
"Thought you weren't a counselor, Chang." He started for the door, but stopped with his hand on the knob. "I can't."  
  
"I figured you'd say that." Wufei gestured to someone unseen on the other side of the glass. "That's why I called Maxwell when we got here."  
  
Heero blinked, probably for the first time since the interrogation had begun. "What did you…"  
  
The door opened, wrenching the knob even as Heero held it. He was forced backwards as Duo entered. The man with the braid said nothing, merely looking Heero straight in the eye before stepping aside to allow the next person in. That next person was his wife, Hilde, and she wasn't alone. She carried a baby in her arms. His baby.  
  
"Heero," she addressed him. "I believe you've already met Gisele."  
  
He backed up until he felt cold concrete, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the little girl. She'd grown so much in only a month. Propped up slightly, she looked around with wide blue eyes. He could have sworn that at one point, she looked right at him.  
  
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, his tone dull.  
  
Duo stared at him. "Um…how about acknowledging your daughter's existence? Maybe…gasp!…hold her? It's probably just one of my wacky ideas, but you never know. It could be fun."  
  
"This is all a big joke to you, isn't it? It's not to me. Relena is dead and I.."  
  
"And you're not," Hilde finished. "Neither is Gisele. She needs her father." The woman's eyes narrowed. "And you need to get cleaned up and sober."  
  
Wufei spoke up. "He's sober. Mostly."  
  
"Then we'll just give him the Father of the Year award, won't we?" Hilde snapped.  
  
"Father." Heero rolled his eyes up as though pleading with the ceiling. "Do I seem like I'd make a good father? Can any of you honestly look at me and say that baby would be better off growing up under my influence?"  
  
Hilde sniffed, indignant. "Perhaps you should have thought about this before you started having sex with Relena. Without protection. Babies are sort of a consequence of that."  
  
Duo nudged her with his elbow. "Babe, take it easy. He's not armed, but that doesn't make him not dangerous."  
  
"He needs to hear this. Someone's got to kick his ass and wake him up." She readjusted Gisele who was beginning to slip into sleep, unaware of the tension that filled the room. "You won't be perfect. You'll make mistakes and there will be times when it'll seem like anyone else in the world would be a better parent to your child than you." Hilde walked right up to him. "But this is your daughter, Heero. Your flesh and blood. Your living link to Relena. If you turn away from her, you lose everything. I don't think that's really what you want."  
  
Heero lowered his head. "Relena…"  
  
"I know." Hilde bit her lip. "You're not the only one who misses her. You're not even the only one who loved her. But you are the only one who can keep her alive…through her daughter. Raise her knowing how much her mother loved her, how much her mother sacrificed for her, but how gladly she did it…and a piece of Relena will live on." She paused just long enough to hold Gisele out to her father. "Take her. Be her father. Make Relena proud of you. And start living again."  
  
He glanced at Wufei, then Duo, then back into Hilde's determined face. Gisele squirmed in her hands, woken up by the sudden shift in position. Taking a deep breath, Heero held out his hands.  
  
_Relena, help me.  
_  
"Support her head," Hilde instructed him. "There." She stepped back and surveyed her handiwork. "You've got it."  
  
Heero looked down at the warm little body of his daughter. She barely weighed anything, but he felt the strangest pressure in the center of his chest. Love? No, it was too sudden for that, wasn't it? Didn't love take time to build? Or was this a different kind of love?  
  
She smelled of powder, sweet and clean. As he stared at her, Gisele opened her eyes and this time, he was sure that not only did she look at him, but that she actually saw him.  
  
"Hello," he whispered. "I'm your dad." With his free hand, he touched her tiny hand through the pink cotton that covered it entirely. Even so, her fingers curled around his and the pressure in his chest intensified.  
  
_Can you see, Relena? Did you know this would happen as soon as I held her? How did you always know me better than I knew myself?_  
  
Heero rubbed his thumb over Gisele's delicate knuckles, which remained firmly wrapped around his index finger. "It's just you and me now. But I think…" He nodded curtly. "I think we'll do okay."

* * *

To Be Continued 


	17. No more tears in heaven

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me and never have. 

Author's Notes: At the end of the chapter.

* * *

Be My Downfall

by Kristen Elizabeth

* * *

"Duo, please, please, please tell me you remembered to pack her present."

With Hilde staring him down and Jeremiah yanking hard on his braid, Duo couldn't be entirely sure of anything. She ought to have been glad that he hadn't forgotten the car seat or their kid himself. In all fairness though, he'd only done that once. And Jeremiah had been too young to be traumatized by it.

Now their son was a healthy, eighteen month-old hurricane of energy and destruction with the face of a cherub. He hid his devilish nature behind dark brown curls and violet eyes. Did Hilde honestly expect him to keep up with Jeremiah and remember to pack every last thing for their trip to Earth?

"If I say no, how long will I be staying on the couch?"

She pursed her lips. "A good week, Maxwell. I had Jeremiah with me when I was shopping for it; he nearly got me thrown out of three stores. In case you had any doubts, he is so your son."

"Was this present…a set of colored bath crayons?" Duo guessed, vaguely sure he'd seen her wrapping them, and even more vaguely sure that he'd placed the wrapped package between his shirts in their suitcase.

Hilde's shoulders relaxed. "You did remember. Thank you, thank you, thank you." She knocked on the door of the modest one-story house. "It's bad manners not to bring a present to a birthday party."

"Don't know how much of a party this weekend is going to be." He swung Jeremiah to his other side, grimacing as his braid went along with his son. "Don't forget what else happened this time last…"

The door opened just then, revealing Heero Yuy…with a diaper over his shoulder and a cloth bunny in his hand.

"Wow. Heero." Duo coughed to conceal an amused snort. "That's quite a look you're going for. The Perfect Father."

Heero ignored him and held the door open wider. "Come in. Gisele just woke up."

"You look great," Hilde assured him after a quick hug. "Now where is that sweet daughter of yours?" Without waiting for an answer, she entered the house, searching.

Wisely keeping his mouth shut, Duo followed Heero into the living room where Hilde had located Gisele taking sleepy baby steps towards them across the carpeted floor. "Dada!"

Hilde's eyes watered. "Heero, she just keeps getting prettier everytime I see her." She bent down and picked up the little girl. "Hi, baby. Happy first birthday."

Although she was usually good around other adults, Gisele had just woken up and only wanted one person. "Dada," she called again, stretching out her little arms towards Heero.

He gently took her from Hilde and offered her the bunny. "Sorry," he apologized. "She's in a phase."

"Yeah, I remember those." Duo looked down at his own son who was squirming, fairly desperate to be released. "Is it okay if I let him run?" Heero nodded. "Of course. You've probably had every inch of this place babyproofed since the day you moved in."

"The day before," Heero corrected. "I wasn't taking any chances."

"I think Heero just made a joke, babe."

Hilde laughed. "I don't think he was joking."

One look at Heero's blank face confirmed this.

Minutes later, after Heero had changed Gisele and put her down in her playpen, he offered Hilde and Duo drinks. The three adults sat on the couch and watched Gisele play with her toys. Jeremiah sat on the floor a few feet away, scribbling in a coloring book.

Setting his beer aside, Duo picked up a stack of coffee table books. "Boot Camp for New Dads: A Crash Course in Parenting…What to Expect the First Year…Webster's New World Medical Reference Guide…" He shot Heero a look. "Are you one of those parents who thinks the sniffles is whooping cough?" Getting another glare, he continued reading titles. "Motherless Daughters: A Father's Guide…I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Grieving the Sudden Loss of a Loved One."

A moment passed in silence.

"Better than therapy," Heero finally said. "Cheaper, too."

Now that the topic had been broached, Duo set the books down and cleared his throat. "How are you really doing, Heero?"

"There are good days," he replied quietly. "And bad days."

Hilde gripped her glass of soda water with trembling fingers. "Gisele really does look so much like Relena."

"I know." Heero gulped down the last half of his own beer. "Believe me. I know."

"You know there's going to be a memorial ceremony tomorrow," she continued. "Are you going…and taking Gisele?"

He stood up with his empty bottle. "She used to tell me that she didn't want the baby in the public spotlight. I intend to respect her wishes."

"Besides," Duo jumped in. "We're having a party tomorrow. Is Relena's brother coming?"

"He'll be here. Noin, too."

"Are you and him finally getting along?"

Heero emerged from the kitchen after disposing of his beer bottle. "Neither one of us are dead."

Duo looked at his wife. "Now that's gotta be a joke…right?"

As Heero raised an eyebrow, all Hilde could do was laugh.

* * *

At precisely noon the next day, the doorbell rang. Because Heero was occupied giving his daughter a bath, and Hilde had given up trying to get Jeremiah to take one, too, and had settled for at least changing his clothes before the party, only Duo was on hand to answer the door. 

"Hey!" he greeted the men who stood on the stoop. "Heero didn't tell me you two were coming."

Quatre and Trowa stepped inside; each of them carried a brightly wrapped present. "It was a last minute decision," Quatre told him. "I was supposed to speak at Rel…at the memorial, but I decided I'd rather remember her here." He smiled weakly.

"We didn't want to spend the day with a bunch of politicians who only ever knew what she did, not who she was," Trowa finished for him.

Duo nodded. "Yeah, I hear that. Come on in; I'll get you some drinks."

They had just settled into some mildly awkward small talk when the doorbell rang again. This time, Hilde emerged from the guest room and answered it with Jeremiah seated on her hip.

When his wife led the new arrivals into the living room a moment later, Duo was more than a little surprised to see Wufei and Sally Po enter, hand in hand.

"I had no idea this party was gonna be so big," he exclaimed.

Wufei shot him a withering look. Sally squeezed his hand and replied, "We had no intention of attending that overly dramatic, flowery memorial service. She would have hated it."

"She would have," Heero said entering the living room from the master bedroom. He was bent over at the side in order to hold onto Gisele's little hand as she walked beside him. "Thanks for coming. Everyone."

Sally pressed her fingers against her lips. "My god. She's so big. And so beautiful." Surrounded by so many unfamiliar faces, Gisele clung to her father's jeans. "A little shy, I see."

"If she's got as much of her mother's personality as she does her looks, that'll change," Duo noted. Hilde elbowed him. "Ow! What?"

Silence blanketed the room for a moment. Heero finally cleared his throat. "You know, it's all right to talk about her."

Quatre looked down at his drink. "Really?"

"I want Gisele to grow up knowing her mother. That won't happen if she's never mentioned."

Breaking away from Wufei, Sally approached him. "She'd be so proud."

Jeremiah broke the quiet that followed this. "Hun'ry, Mama. Schiken!"

Rather than wait for the rest of the party, Heero opted for serving the lunch spread he'd ordered from a local deli. To Jeremiah's delight, there were chicken fingers.

To busy himself, Heero fixed up a little plate for his daughter and put her in her highchair to eat it. He sat next to her and watched Gisele eat. It was only some soft vegetables and plain pasta, but before he knew it, she had carrots smeared on her forehead and up into her baby-fine locks. She grinned at him, showing off her incoming teeth.

"I guess it only tastes good if most of it's been rubbed in your hair," he told her, cleaning her face with a napkin. "What am I going to do with you?" Gisele made a grab for his nose and caught it in her tiny little hand. Heero went along with it, pretending that she'd stolen his nose away, much to Gisele's delight.

Hilde nibbled on her sandwich, observing the little scene. It was heartwarming to watch Heero interact with his daughter. He might look like the same man who'd crashed at her apartment on L2 nearly two years ago, and slept with half the blonde prostitutes on the colony, but he definitely wasn't the same guy. Somehow, through all the turmoil, pain, loss and grief, but perhaps more importantly, the love, joy and gift of life, Heero Yuy had rediscovered his heart. And grown into a man who could love and be loved.

The doorbell interrupted her reverie. Duo went to get it and returned with Millardo, his daughter Elissa and a just-pregnant-enough-to-show Noin. "Look who I found," he announced to the group.

Heero stood up, wiping carrots off his hands. "Noin," he greeted Relena's sister-in-law. "Millardo." The latter was significantly less enthusiastic.

"I'm sorry we're late," Millardo said. His voice was slightly hoarse. He reached into his coat's interior pocket and pulled out a small disc. "Has she already opened her gifts?" he paused to ask.

"Not yet." Heero frowned. "Why? What is that?"

Noin answered, the same strange hoarseness in her own voice. "We received it two days ago from Relena's lawyers. They're still in the process of going through her estate…and last week they found this." She took the disc from her husband. "It's Relena. She must have made it and mailed it to herself while you and she were…away all those months."

"You didn't know," Millardo surmised from the vacant look in Heero's eyes.

"No." He swallowed. "What does she say?"

Relena's brother stared at him. "I think you should just watch it. With Gisele."

Although there was no official word from Heero on whether or not everyone was invited to watch Relena's disc, he had no comment when the entire party gathered around the disc player in the living room. It was likely that he had completely forgotten that anyone else was in the house. He sat with Gisele on his lap, one arm wrapped securely around his daughter's little body.

Millardo started the disc playing and stepped off to the side.

When Relena's face appeared on the screen, Heero drew in a ragged breath. There she was, alive and lovely, smiling at what would have been her disc recorder. She sat in a chair in a room that Heero recognized as their bedroom in the cabin he'd taken her to for the final months of her pregnancy. In fact, she was pregnant enough at the time of this recording to have a small, round pooch, which she idly stroked with one hand as she began to speak.

"Hi there," she said, giving a little wave. "Well, by the time you watch this, you'll probably not be a baby anymore, will you? Since I found out I was going to have you, I've felt that you were a girl, but if you're not, I want you to know that it wouldn't matter to me one bit. I would have loved you, whoever you turned out to be. That's why I'm making this. If you are watching this…" Her words wobbled. "…it means that I'm gone. I'm so sorry. I'm not there…and I'll never get to tell you all of this."

Hilde turned her face into Duo's neck to muffle a sudden sob.

On screen, Relena breathed deeply and regained her composure. "But hopefully your daddy is. And if he's there, I hope he'll hug you afterwards and answer any questions you might have. Because I know that he loves you. If he doesn't always show it like you'd expect him to, don't doubt what he feels. For a long time, life was very hard on him and it made him hard right back. But that's not who he is at heart. Way down, in all the places he tries to keep hidden, he's a wonderful man. And I want you to know, I love him. I've probably loved him since I was fifteen years old, but it's only recently that I really fell in love with him as a person, not an ideal." She paused. "And I know now…that he loves me, too. I suppose you could say I was his downfall. But you know what? I don't think he minded falling nearly as much as he let on. That brings me to something that's very hard to say. Your father...he deserves to be happy. If he ever finds another woman who he can love, and if you love her, too...don't let him use me as an excuse not to be happy. Do you understand? If there's one thing I've learned the past couple of months, it's that you have to be happy while you can. Because you never know what will happen tomorrow."

Heero tore his eyes away from the screen for a moment. When he looked back, he saw through a film of hot tears.

"My precious baby, you are the greatest gift I've ever been given. I can't bear the thought of not seeing you grown…not being there when you're all grown up." Relena lifted her hand to her mouth. "But I know my time is limited. And it's running out. Just know that I didn't go willingly. I fought it all the way. The wonderful people in my life…your uncle and aunt…Dr. Po…the Preventers…Duo and Hilde and Quatre…my Heero…they all helped me fight. I wouldn't have lasted this long without them. I hope they're as much a good part of your life as they were in mine."

After a fortifying breath, she went on. "I want so many wonderful things for you, angel. I want you to learn as much as you can about the world around you. I want you to be healthy and happy; I want you to know love in all its wonderful forms. And someday, if you have children of your own, I want you to watch them grow and have children of their own and for those children to have children…" She stopped to wipe her cheeks. "I want you to love living in this world. I haven't always done the same, but now…I'd give any of my titles, my entire fortune, even, to be with you and your father. Please…carry that thought with you, whenever life gets a little bit dark or you're alone and scared. Your mother loves you and she's watching over you. Always."

Relena looked down at her stomach and laughed suddenly. "You just kicked me. I'll take that to mean you think I'm rambling on. And I should end this; your father will return any moment." She blew a kiss. "Hug him for me. If I know Heero at all, he'll need it."

Millardo stopped the recording, freezing Relena's smiling face on the screen.

If anyone was able to speak, they kept quiet in deference to the man who sat rigidly still, twin tearstains down his cheeks the only evidence that he was still alive.

Before Heero could stop her, Gisele wiggled out of his lap and landed on the floor. Everyone watched, but no one stopped her as she toddled her way over to the disc player. Staring up at the screen that dwarfed her little figure, she pointed up with sticky fingers and said a single word for the first time.

"Mama." Gisele looked back at Heero. "Dada…Mama!"

Heero blinked out of his trance and nodded at his daughter. "Good girl. That's mama." He looked back at the screen. "That's my Relena."

* * *

The End 

A/N: Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story over all the months it's taken me to write it. I hope this final part was enough of a conclusion. Trust me, it nearly killed me to kill Relena, and I know it struck a chord with a lot of you out there. I'm grateful that you kept reading and reviewing. Thank you again. Take care until next time...because there's always room for a little 1xR.


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